rant book

s

hurt.

so i broke up with my girlfriend. i thought i would feel better because i obviously wasn't happy in the relationship. but instead i feel horrible. i feel like the person i never wanted to be. i remind myself of someone who used to be in my life.

i think i lost some of my friends too because while they are all comforting her, im being ignored. i get it though. i ended it so i must not be affected.

that's so far from the truth. i want to rip my heart out and just let it rot away with my body. i hate myself for this and i hate myself for thinking anyone close to her would stick by both of us regardless of the situation. they knew her longer and im nothing but a piece of shit no one cares about.

i mean i was having so many doubts for weeks, why would i force myself to stay in the relationship? just because people shipped it? i mainly stayed because i love her and didnt want to hurt her but that was a huge fail.

she's hurting. i still love her just not in the passionate way i used too. but that's not good enough. she thought she wasnt good enough but if anything i was the one who wasnt good enough. many of us have been through break ups for different reasons. but all of mine were because of me. im always the problem.

its whatever though, right?