Darkness Surrounding (Synyster Gates Book 1)

hold him when I'm not around

I really can't thank you guys enough, specially DarknessViolet, you make me keep this going. Hope I'll find time to continue writing very soon, I'm pretty stressed out right now ^-^ but enjoy the next chapter!
And btw congrats to the "real life" Brian and Michelle Haner to their first child! All the best for them and welcome to the family little Gates!

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*Brian's POV*

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!", I yelled through the studio, "why can't my fucking hand just play this fucking riff?!"

I felt like throwing my guitar away and smashing it, the missing ability to move my left hand was just frustrating.

"Maybe we should have a short break", Zacky said, "don't put too much pressure on yourself, Brian. You haven't played guitar in a pretty long time and you're still injured."

He sat beside me, I put my guitar away and let my hands run through my face.

"I know but...you know, I just want to play. Leave it all behind, be Synyster Gates again and do, what I love to do, you know?"

"I understand you, but you can't force it, you see?"

I nodded, but I didn't want to understand it. I am Synyster fucking Gates and I'm one of the best guitarists in the damn world.

And now I had troubles playing the Afterlife intro and my left arm was getting completely numb.

But we jammed along with Brooks and he just fits. Though he originally came from punk rock, he was doing a great job with double bass and tom fill-ins. Together, we started working out on some song ideas, the new record definitely would be pretty complex and technically difficult.

"Maybe you should play lead, Zack", I said, feeling like a crybaby.

"Syn fucking Gates, don't you ever dare saying that again! You're the best lead guitarist we can dream of. Let your wrist recover and then you shred that shit again!", he said.

We continued jamming on some chords and I tried to hide the pain as far as possible, until Matt said, that it's been enough for the day.

Since I was still bunking at his place, we drove home together.

"Your wrist is swollen", he said with a worried look on my hand, as we sat in the car.

"It's okay", I answered.

"Don't lie to me, Brian. Does it hurt?"

I decided to say nothing at all and starred outside of the window.

"I'm talking to you, Brian."

"Yes, god damn! It hurts! Happy now?", I angrily shouted, until I realized, that I was just acting like a dick again.

"Sorry...", I muttered.

"It's okay...but why are you that angry about yourself?"

We had to stop at a red light and he looked at me.

"It's just...I want to have a restart, you know? We haven't played since...Chelle and I...you know. Leave it behind and be a musician again, that's all I wanna do right now. And I'm even to stupid to play a simple power chord riff."

The lights turned green and Matt drove off again.

"Brian, just remember the time, you learned playing guitar. You weren't able to sweep from the beginning on. You couldn't play these crazy jazz riffs and you didn't know how to play pinch harmonics. You played every day and night, until you came that far. And now, you need some patience again. It's not like you're a bad guitarist suddenly, but you need some training and exercising again. It'll come back, promise."