Wherever You Are

Twenty Five: Busting Open Gashes

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"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my mother was alive," Jack questioned, coming into our bedroom as I sat on our bed reading a novel I never got around to finishing. It was just something I casually went to when I had nothing better to do. "I mean, would things be drastically different?" he wondered again, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed and look to me.

"What made you think of this?" I asked him back, since his questions seemed to come from nowhere. Shrugging, he glanced away from me and down to his hands in his lap. That was automatically my signal that something was much more wrong than I thought. "Honey, everything happens for a reason," I told him, setting down my book and crawling over to him. 

Sitting crisscrossed beside him, I put my hand on his leg and made him look back up to me. "I believe that with every bad thing that happens to someone, a good thing is bound to happen back. For instance, meeting me. Wouldn't you consider that a good thing after your mom's passing?" I wondered, making Jack smile to me and nod.

"Of course, meeting you is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I just miss her sometimes and wish I had her around." he smiled, but ended in the same depressing tone he came in with.

"Why don't we go somewhere, I think it might help you more than you think," I told, gathering myself and him off the bed and hopping into our small car. Driving us, as Jack didn't know where I was going, I stopped on the side of the road for a quick second to gather a few wildflowers that were sprouting up beside a stop sign. The purple hues of the flowers made me smile, as I breathed in the sweet fragrance, before climbing back into the car and handing the flowers to Jack.

"Uh..." he said, staring blankly at the mess of flowers he took into his hands. Laughing, I knew he thought I was giving them to him, when in reality I had a completely different plan.

"They're not for you silly, just wait," I told, starting the car back up and driving off. The roads were never ending, but the afternoon sun setting passed the time nicely as Jack patiently waited for us to arrive.

Meadow Lanes Cemetery. The sign read, as I drove into the open gated community of the deceased. I glanced to Jack in the passenger's seat, watching his eyes while he scanned all of the headstones for the one and only he knew in that moment we were going to. I knew Jack felt guilty watching the headstones pass, for he hadn't visited since his mom passed away when he was younger. He had told me years ago that he never liked to admit she was gone and that visiting her resting place always made things worse. However, in that moment, I knew visiting her was what he needed most.

Parking on the side of the paved cemetery road, I looked over to Jack staring down at the flowers, realizing then what they were really for.

"It's okay," I told him, making him look up to me with eyes filled with worry. "I'm right here, everything's okay." I said once more, looking back down to the purple flowers in his slightly shaking hands. 

Climbing out of the car and coming over to him coming out as well, I grabbed his free hand and walked with him through the aisles of headstones. Taking a deep breath myself, we stopped when we saw the marble headstone shining, engraved with the name Lynda Nethers. Following her name was a brief wording about being loved by her son and husband, but I knew that wasn't what Jack was concerned about.

Glancing up to him beside me, his eyes were tightly closed, while his hand gripped the flowers strongly. Removing my hand from his, I sat down on the green grass before her grave and saw Jack look down to me. Motioning for him to join me, he slowly lowered himself down and sat before his mother.

Gently placing my hand on his hand holding the flowers, I helped him put them beside her headstone and wrapped my arms around him after. Jack hadn't said a word in the whole time we had been there, but I didn't expect him to. He needed this time as much as any other grieving child would if their parent passed.

"Do you want me to wait in the car?" I asked Jack, moving my arms from around him as I looked up to him. Swallowing hard, Jack motioned for me to come sit in his lap, sending me to crawl over and do as told. I could tell he was answering my question from his gesture, as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. Nuzzling into him, I entwined my hands with his at my stomach and looked out at her grave with him as he softly teared up behind me...

"Are you alright dear?" I heard Lydia say, knocking me back into reality as I saw Lydia come up to me and place a hand on my shoulder. Looking up to Jack beside me, I knew he knew that I had a memory and in that moment I knew who and who wasn't on my side. Shrugging off Lydia's hand from me, I looked at her in disbelief, as she, who was apparently Jack's mother, thought she had the rights to comfort me. My eyes were filled with fury as the memory of Jack and I at her grave echoed throughout my head. I couldn't stand the sight of her then, and it was almost instinct for me to do what I did next...

Looking down at my hands, one in which was still hurt from the fight I was in with Jane earlier, I pushed Jack back into the sofa chair and lifted my right one back up. Lydia, who started backing up instantly, started speaking as my hand rose, but I couldn't hear a word she was saying and instead whipped my hand to slap her in the face.

Knocking her back a bit, I could hear Jack yelling at me to stop, but I didn't. Punching her down onto the floor, I came over her in a rage, hitting her over and over again as all the memories of every single time Jack had cried, been depressed, or thought about killing himself over her death flooded me. For years Jack had thought he was the one who killed her, for he distracted her on that road. If this Lydia was who she said she was, I was not going to have her near my Jack anytime ever for all the damage she had done to him.

"Charlotte! Stop!" I heard Jack yell again, coming over to yank me off of her. I pushed his attempts away, however, as I couldn't stop beating her for what she had done. Blood trickled down my hands and onto my clothes as I busted open previously closed gashes from hitting Jane, and in that moment I knew I was never going to be the same person as I once was before...