You ever get that feeling where you need to say something but you don't know what to say. I'm in front of him looking into his eyes but nothing is coming out. No words have left my mouth after he started crying. No guy has ever cried for me before. Why is Tristen so different from every other guy? But the most important question is why am I falling in love with him? It just doesn't add up. He broke my heart but I am still in love with him. But its kinda hard to believe someone when you saw them right in front of your eyes. Seeing him lying in the bed with that girl straddling him just made my heart sink. I thought that he actually cared. But then again he did follow me to this town and make sure I wouldn't get hurt. But he still lied to me. I'm trying to weigh both sides of the fences here. But nothing is leading me either way.
"Tristen?" His eyes pop open to meet mine. I don't wanna say this but I have to. "I think we need some space. Not permanently but just for now so my heart can have some space."
"Kyndall please don't do this."
"You have to understand Tristen that this is really difficult for me to say. I know in my mind that you didn't cheat on me. But in my heart-" I started balling. "My heart still thinks you cheated on me. I know that you said you didn't cheat on me but my heart doesn't believe you right now. So I think this time apart will be great for us. I'm not implying that we see other people but I think hanging out with our friends and going back to school since break is about to be over is a good thing for us. We can still be friends right now and then maybe in the future our relationship will start to build up again."
I turned around and started to walk away from him. But I stopped in my tracks when he said four words that I didn't want to hear. "What about the ring?"
I looked down at the ring on my left hand. "I don't know if I am going to wear it Tristen."
"Damn it Kyndall! You need to wear it so other people know that you are with me! Even tho we are going on a break I don't want other guys around you unless they know your taken. Just do it for me please Kyndall."
"I'll think about it Tristen but right now I need some space. So I think it is best if you leave and go grab your stuff out of your old house and bring it over here. During this time apart why don't you move into this house so we are not completely apart but we would still be on a break."
"Alright I don't know what time I will be back because I have to process everything that was said." With that said he walked out the door not even looking back at me. Was I making the wrong decision by saying we need a break? I believe that he didn't cheat on me but my heart thinks something different. I just don't know what to believe anymore because I want to believe him. I want to have a future with him and eventually get married to him. But right now I think just moving in together is better than being seperated from each other completely.
"Well it's getting late I should probably head to bed." Great now I'm talking to myself. I guess I really must be going insane. Just go upstairs and try to sleep. Even tho Tristen will be in the other room by himself sleeping. Shaking my head I need to forget about him sleeping alone in another room. All I know is that it is going to be hard sleeping in my bed tonight.
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It has been a couple of hours since I went to bed. And I can honestly say out of those hours I haven't slept once. I keep tossing and turning when I try to sleep. I've tried everything to get me to sleep but nothing has worked. I just need to go for a walk outside to clear my mind. Maybe that will get me to sleep.
Getting up out of bed and making my to closet to find a jacket. I just need some fresh air to clear my mind of all the thoughts inside of it. Making my way down the hall past Tristen's room. Hanging my head lower the farther I get from it. I feel so stupid right now for some odd reason. Like I should walk back inside and be with him. But my feet keep moving me forward and my mind tells me to turn around. I'm so conflicted right now that it isn't even funny.
I know I'm stupid right now for walking outside in the freezing cold snow but I have no where else to be. I can't go back inside and face what's in there. Even though I know one day I'm going have to but just not right now. Its to soon to know what my heart wants. After everything I just don't think I'm ready for anything anymore. But soon enough there will come a time that my heart will decide what I should choose. As for right now nothing had lead me to my choice. I want to be with Tristen. More than anything right now but then again I feel like he is going to get hurt because he is with me.
A cold breeze went by and I wrapped my arms around myself tighter. I was a fool for thinking this could ever work. Between me and Tristen, it's just that we are two different people. And besides he would get hurt with me around. I would be doing him a favor by not being with him. "What are you doing?" I asked myself. I know this is the stupidest idea I have ever had. I can't keep running away from my problems. It hasn't worked in the past because Tristen and Jake found me. Go back into the house Kyndall; I kept telling myself.
"What are you doing outside Kyndall?" I turned around and faced Tristen. He definitely had bed hair and his voice was so sexy because he just woke up.
"I just came out here to think." I turned back around and hugged myself tighter.
"Dressed like that? Come on Kyndall why are you really out here?"
"I told you! I came out here to think!"
It was a while until I heard his footsteps come closer to me. He put his jacket on my shoulders and I instantly hugged it closer to my body. "Then what are you thinking about Kyndall?"
He turned me around. I looked up into his eyes and honestly said, "Us?"
"Us? What about us?"
"What are we doing Tristen?"
"What do you mean what are we doing?"
"Are we doing the right thing? I mean being together even though everybody wants to separate us. Is it all worth it? All the pain and misery we go through; is it all worth it?"
"Well I'm going to be honest with you Kyndall. Every little thing that we have been through was worth it. If it wasn't for all of it I wouldn't be with you right now. I would be alone sitting in a corner not knowing what to do! I would be so lost without you! I wouldn't even know what to do anymore Kyndall."
I looked down, "But I keep hurting you."
"Kyndall.... I could be hurt a million times by somebody I care nothing about but being hurt by you is something I will also remember. Because every time I get hurt by you it's means that you care. And when we fight about something stupid I honestly love it! I couldn't dream of being with someone else. You are literally the love of my life Kyndall, I wouldn't know what my life would be without you!"
"But I have hurt you more than once Tristen. This isn't how a relationship is supposed to be. I'm supposed to love you and you love me back. I have hurt you continuously and I don't know why you want me back after everything I have put you through. But you still love me. And I don't know how to let go." I looked up at him through my hair. Some tears were threatening to escape my ears but I was trying my best to push them back.
He took a deep breath and ran his hand through is hair. He started pacing back and forth in front of me. But he stopped and looked at me with those piercing green eyes. "If you want to let go Kyndall then let go. I can't hold you back anymore. But I will protect you no matter what happens from this day on. I just hope you realize I will never give up on us." Once he says that he walks back inside.
What am I doing with my life? I know what I want but I overthink everything in my life. I try to let go but I can't, I can't let go of Tristen. I run back inside to Tristen's room. I open the door and see him fast asleep on the bed. Slowly walking over to him I crawl into bed with him. Putting my head down on his chest I hear him mumble, "It's about time you figured out you belonged with me." A smile came across my lips and with that I fell asleep. Knowing this is wear I belong.
