roommates | darkiplier

Chapter 3

—

The day then became evening as Mark's crew and I chatted about how our 2016s went, how eventful they were, and what our resolutions for the next year were right around the couch. Tyler, Kathryn, Ethan, and Amy were all there, but Mark failed to get Bob and Wade to come because it was too last minute. I couldn't blame them.

Out of all of us, Mark was the most confident with his resolution. He promised he wouldn't fall out of his, but if he did he didn't deserve all of what he gained over his YouTube career. He set out to exercise everyday for an hour straight, to learn German, and practice the guitar. That was pretty solid, though the rest of us hadn't put as much thought into theirs as Mark put into his. When it came for me to state my resolution, I froze. What did I want to accomplish? What did I want to change about myself? I answered with a straight face.

   "I'm not sure, to just survive 2017. I haven't thought about it much..." My voice trailed off.

   The others nodded with understanding. Before the environment could get any more silent, Ethan sprang up from the couch. He nearly startled me. There was a plastic bag full of mysterious items on the ground that he dug into, taking out a mysterious black box. He put it in the air, as if he were Rafiki holding Simba in the air, showcasing it. The text was unreadable from my place on the couch.

   "Who's up for Cards Against Humanity? Eh?"

   Everyone in the room applaud the idea. Cards Against Humanity was my favorite card game of all time, so I was totally up to play especially with these guys. Ethan took the box to the table as everyone else trickled behind. We all took a seat in a chair. There were more than enough to satisfy every person, so with an extra space that's where we placed the box. I took one of the end seats, Amy and Kathryn sat to my sides, Mark taking a seat by his girlfriend, Ethan taking the other end, and Tyler next to Kathryn.

While the black deck of cards remained in the center of the table, Ethan began making piles of seven for each of us. Once done, he handed everyone a pile, leaving one for himself. We all took a glance at our deck. Mine was something else. I had Glory holes, White people, Poor life choices, Beating your wives, Free samples, The clitoris, and Michael Jackson. I almost had tears running down my cheeks as I mentally read them, it was probably the best pile I had ever gotten in my history for playing.

"Who should go first?" Kathryn interrogated.

"Rock, paper, scissors won't work that well for this many of us..." I muttered, as the classic game was the first option we chose when coming to decisions.

Mark nodded in agreement. "You're right, how about eeny, meeny, miny, moe?"

What better ways were out there? We all agreed with the idea, and Mark started counting off by person beginning with himself. He went around the table a few times before "it" became Amy. He stabbed at the decision that the turns would go counterclockwise, meaning I was next in line. With a cheeky smile, Amy grabbed a black card from the pile.

"What do old people smell like?" Amy read aloud.

Some giggles erupted from the table, I wasn't sure which card to play. None of them were good answers for the question despite me having a decent deck, so I discarded the Michael Jackson card. The others placed their white cards in the respected section of the table eventually. Everyone took another white card, to replace their other. The selection of cards were shuffled by Kathryn and handed to Amy.