Shattered Hearts

Chapter 37

Louis strode through the park, making his way to the play area where John had told him Charlotte would be waiting with Jamie and Junior. More than once he'd considered cancelling, he'd have preferred to meet Charlotte by herself, but all his suggestions of alternative dates were rebuffed. She was busy making arrangements for Thanksgiving, plans for Christmas, he was almost expecting her to say she couldn't fit him in until Easter!

"I was surprised when John said you wanted to meet me?" he said as he approached her standing by the swings. He suspected she preferred to meet outdoors to avoid telling him where she was now living. "So why did you want to meet up?" he asked when she merely responded with a tight smile.

She pulled her coat around herself, her eyes on Jamie and Junior as they ran off towards the slide. She watched them climb up the ladder before turning her eyes back to him. "I didn't want to leave things on such a sour note," she finally said. "I owe you an apology, I was unspeakably rude."

"Okay," he said slowly, thinking she sounded like a character from one of those English novels she liked to read. "I guess things got a bit heated, and I'm sorry for prying into your private life. You were right, I was being too pushy."

Her face softened. "You meant well, I was just being a bitch." She turned her attention back to the kids and they stood quietly for a few moments watching them. "The thing is, my past is my past, I don't want to be defined by it."

He nodded, he well knew that sentiment. "No one is judging you." She remained silent, not looking at him. "Charlotte, I don't know how things got so messed up in such a short space of time but I'm sorry. I spoke to my mom and she swears she didn't write that letter but if you think she did-"

She raised her hand. "I don't think she did," she said her face downcast. "It was probably Nick or someone writing on his behalf, trying to unnerve me before the divorce hearing."

He resisted the urge to say 'I told you so.'

"It doesn't matter now anyway," she said shivering although the late November air wasn't especially cold. "If it wasn't that complaint it would have been something else." She met his eyes. "I'd have found a reason to end it."

He inhaled sharply although she'd simply confirmed what he already knew. "But why? Don't you want to be happy?"

"I'm broken," she said keeping her eyes on the kids. "I'm not sure I can ever be in a relationship with anyone ever again."

"Don't say that." Why was she always selling herself short? "Charlotte, why don't you value yourself as much as everyone else does?"

Her eyes flew to him. "How can I? The stuff that's happened to me, it wouldn't have happened if...if I'd been a better person. I brought it all on myself."

"What? No, you've got that all wrong." He grabbed her arms. "You've got to believe me, if you don't believe anything else I've ever said, believe this. You didn't deserve anything that happened to you." She stepped back, and he released his hold on her.

"It's sweet of you to say, but look at us," she said with a deep sigh. "We didn't work out all those years ago when we had everything going for us."

And that was the crux of it, he'd known all along. All her reasons, all her excuses, about why they couldn't be together were just that. Excuses.

He reached out and touched her arm. "Can we at least sit down, you can watch the boys from the bench." She hesitated but she let him lead her to the bench, her eyes still focused on the kids. 

"Do you remember our first date here?" he asked. "When we got caught in the rain."

"Yeah," she said a smile playing on her lips. "It was the worst date ever."