Shattered Hearts

Chapter 12

Louis waited until Charlotte was safely inside her brother's house before driving away, his thoughts in turmoil after her revelation. He knew he'd said the wrong thing but he had no idea what the right thing to say was. 'Sorry' seemed inadequate, 'it doesn't matter to me,' was dismissive. Yet he'd said both as what else could he say that wouldn't make her feel worse? He wished he'd paid more attention at school. A guy like Dale would have the highfaluting words that would both convey his sympathy and his feelings for her without sounding like an insensitive asshole.

Go back to your husband. Why the hell did I say that?

It was the last thing he wanted her to do, and he was certain that she would not have ended her marriage without a damn good reason to do so. He wasn't entirely sure why she had, there had to be more to it than her ex simply being 'difficult.' Maybe his mom was right and the grief over losing her baby had driven her crazy, or maybe her ex wanted more children? That would sort of explain her insistence that there was no point in them even contemplating starting a relationship.

And maybe she was right? Who was he to tell her otherwise? Having a family wasn't something he'd considered until about thirty minutes ago. He'd spent a good six years in the army, using it as an excuse to avoid anything that so much as hinted of commitment. And here he was promising Charlotte his undying love...no wonder she was sceptical.

He drove around aimlessly. He did not want to go home where memories of the past six years would assault his mind but he didn't want company either. Almost on autopilot, he drove to a park where he and Charlotte used to hang out when they were teenagers. He got out to stretch his legs, his thoughts drifting back to when they'd first met. She'd been a friend of John's girlfriend and he hadn't particularly liked her to start with. She was too opinionated, too critical, a real pain in the ass but as he'd got to know her he found himself becoming attracted to her. Charlotte, however, was determinedly not interested in him.

"No Louis I will not go out with you," Charlotte insisted folding her arms across her chest, a small frown marring her features.

"Oh come on, why not? It's not like you're going out with anyone else."

She scowled at him. "Thank you for reminding me that I've just been dumped. For a minute there I'd forgotten."

"Sorry," he said trying to keep his face straight.

"You know, if you stopped insulting me for half a second I might be more persuaded."

"So that's a yes then," he said grinning.

"I suppose it is but only because, as you so kindly pointed out, I've just been dumped." She stood up straighter, pushing her shoulders back. "I'd hate people to think I was sat at home crying into my pillowcase."

"God forbid."

Ignoring her lack of enthusiasm, he'd taken her to the movies on the other side of town anxious to avoid his friends. They were bound to torment Charlotte and blow it for him.

"Why don't we go for a walk in the park," he said after the movie had finished.

"Okay," she said looking a little surprised at the suggestion. They walked in silence and he tried to put his arm around her but she shrugged him off.

"So what did you think of the movie?" he asked. Her silence made him feel awkward, she was normally a lot more talkative.

"I don't like horrors very much," she said pulling a face and inwardly he groaned. This wasn't going well.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, it could have been worse," she said pulling her jacket around herself as the sun went behind a cloud. She shivered and he felt a drop of rain.

"It looks like it's gonna rain," he said and the heavens opened as if on cue.

"Ohh," Charlotte wailed. "My hair's getting all wet!"

He grabbed her hand. "Come on, we can shelter under that tree, it'll pass in a minute." They took cover under a huge sycamore tree.

"Louis Kinsella this is the worst date ever!"

"Hey I can't control the weather," he protested.

"Look at my hair, it's all ruined. I spent hours straightening it and look at it." He couldn't help but smile at her indignation as her hair returned to its usual dishevelled state.

"I prefer it like this," he said reaching out to touch a strand.

Her eyes widened. "Really? Rosalind is always telling me that it's so unsophisticated."

"Well she's wrong," he said standing much closer to her as the rain continued to fall, the tree providing a little shelter. He wiped a raindrop from her cheek as she looked up at him nervously. His face was inches from her.

"Louis I-" 

He hesitated, and then kissed her, softly at first until he could feel her kissing him back. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her against him.

"So this is the worst date ever?" he asked when they pulled apart.

"Well, maybe not the worst." She smiled and he kissed her again, thinking the rain had been an unexpected godsend.                                                                            

Despite their rocky start, they'd been inseparable for the next three years and then he had to go and blow it. What an idiot he'd been to think she was happy about having an open relationship. That was so not Charlotte! He touched the tree that they'd sheltered under remembering how months later they'd come back to carve their initials into the bark with limited success.

Now he could see he'd made three big mistakes. The first was agreeing that they should see other people. It was a dumb idea. Charlotte might have thought she was being laidback and cool in suggesting it but since she was uptight and controlling it was never going to work. Secondly, he shouldn't have seen other girls against his better judgement. Charlotte had been distant all of Christmas vacation - he now knew why - and he ought to have realised then that she was not happy with the arrangement. And finally, fatally, when she had finished with him his reaction was one of disbelief. He hadn't taken her seriously thinking it was little more than an emotional outburst or a way of teaching him a lesson for some transgression or other. He'd thought things through, decided to propose, and had patiently waited for her to return in the summer. That was his biggest mistake of all. He should have got on a Greyhound bus and had it out with her face to face. He lost her because of his arrogance and complacency.

Well, he wouldn't let that happen again. She'd given him two very good reasons why she didn't think they could be together but he wasn't convinced by either. At any rate, he didn't think her objections were insurmountable. This time he wasn't prepared to sit on the sidelines and wait for her to come to him. That would never happen, he was going to have to win back.

                                                                                 ~~~~

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