Shattered Hearts

Chapter 38

Charlotte breathed a sigh of relief as Louis sat down again but she had no idea where to start. When she'd arranged to meet him she'd had a speech prepared but his words had overwhelmed her. She looked down at the box in her hand, containing what should have been her engagement ring. She swallowed, feeling both happy and dreadfully sad all at once; happy that he'd loved her, that their relationship hadn't been a lie, and yet sad about what might have been. She knew that if she had come home that summer and he'd proposed she would have said yes.

"Charlotte," Louis said interrupting her thoughts. "You said there was something you had to tell me."

"I can't keep this ring," she said her nerve deserting her. "It wouldn't be right, you should give it to someone else."

He snorted. "Would you want an engagement ring from a guy who'd bought it for his ex-girlfriend."

She couldn't help wincing at the 'ex-girlfriend' part but it was all her own doing. "No, probably not although I've never had an engagement ring. Maybe I wouldn't be that picky." She tried to laugh but she knew she was delaying the inevitable.

She had to tell him.

"Mommy!" Jamie came running over with Junior at his heels. "Those big boys won't get off the swings and they've been on them ages."

"You'll have to wait your turn," she said looking over at the swings. The two boys on them looked far too big, and ordinarily, she'd have gone and asked them nicely to let the younger kids have a turn, but she didn't dare leave Louis. "Look go play on the climbing frame, they'll get bored before long."

"It's not fair," Junior said kicking the ground. "Their fat asses are too big for the seats."

"John Junior," she said putting her 'teacher' voice on. "I don't want to hear you using language like that." Beside her, she could hear Louis trying not to snicker. "Go play on something else. Now." The boys scurried off, grumbling to each other.

"I guess Junior takes after his dad," Louis said, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"You could say that." 

"So what were you going to say?"

"I'm not quite sure where to begin," she said folding her hands together and trying to steady her nerves. She took a deep breath, "That's not true, it began when I lost my baby."

Louis placed a hand over hers. "You don't have to tell me about it this."

"I do, it's the only way I can explain." She closed her eyes, gathering her thoughts, it had been easier when she'd rehearsed her words earlier. "When I lost my baby I was distraught. The doctor said I might never have another because I had internal damage and there were other complications that meant I had a high risk of miscarrying. The complications weren't caused by the fall, they were something I've always had apparently. Anyway, even though I blamed Nick I stayed with him cos who else would want me?" She bit down on her lower lip only stopping when she drew blood.

"But you left him?" Louis said, clearly confused.

"I wasn't going to but I found out he was seeing someone else." She clasped her hands together so they wouldn't shake. "This woman came to see me and she told me she was pregnant with his baby." She took a couple of deep breaths, trying to keep her composure. "I was so upset. Not about him cheating, I was beyond caring about that. But the idea that he could swan off and have another child as if nothing had happened pushed me over the edge."

"He really is a piece of work," Louis said his face darkening.

She nodded. "Anyway I started taking these pills - tranquillizers or sleeping pills I'm don't quite remember - cos what was the point in going on? Jamie could have a normal family with Nick, and this woman and her baby..."