detonate (ON HOLD)

Chapter Five

"stay away, sweet misery."

        That day had changed my life forever, but I hadn't realized it at that point. Quite frankly, I couldn't stop fantasizing about the way his lips would feel on my own. He just barely brushed against them earlier that day, and it was something I had refused to let leave my mind. I don't know if it was the fact that I was so rusty when it came to having a crush or if it was just Luke being himself, but whatever it was caused me to feel like I was in constant cardiac arrest whenever he was around. I would never admit it to him or anybody else for that matter, but I was falling in love with the boy a little bit more every day. I was too shy or maybe even too proud to let anyone see past my cold exterior. Somehow, Luke had changed all of that. There I was pacing my room trying to make sense of it all. I was never one to truly settle with one guy. I moved along once I got bored with one. I had never truly been in love with anyone, but with Luke, everything felt different in a way that I couldn't explain. He was dark and damaged. I wanted to be the light to his darkness. I wanted to be the anchor that kept him in place when the waves were too strong. To put it simply, I wanted to just be there for him. My eyes drifted out to the rolling hills that surrounded my house. Somewhere out there was Luke. I wondered if he had been thinking about me the way I was thinking of him. I wondered if he regretted almost kissing me. I wondered if he wished that he would have. I had so many questions with absolutely no answers. I just couldn't shake the thought of him. Although we had only met a few weeks ago, I felt as if I had known him my entire life. For some reason, I felt like I understood him as he understood me. We appeared to complete each other ― like I had finally found my other half... or so I had thought. Back then, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Little did I know that I was in fact playing with fire.

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        The metal was cool against my skin. My eyes rolled up to the ceiling, and I let out a quiet groan. The period could not have dragged on longer if it tried to. My eyes scanned the room desperately as I nearly bashed my head repeatedly against the desk when I realized we still had a solid half an hour in the class. My fingers drummed the desk as a song played through my mind. Out of my peripheral vision, I could see the glare coming from the boy sitting next to me. I shot him an even harsher glare. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anything. Calculus was one of those classes that constantly made you contemplate the idea of running to the windows and jumping out, and my Calculus class was on the second floor that was facing the highway. The teacher droned on, and even though I tried, I couldn't focus on his words. There was a tap on my shoulder. I turned to face the girl sitting behind me who's name I didn't remember. In her hand was a neatly folded sheet of notebook paper with my name scribbled across the front of it. I took it between my fingers and examined it closely. She gestured to Trevor, who sat just a few rows over from us. I immediately scoffed and contemplated just tossing it. Unfortunately, I was and still am too curious of a person. I met his hazel eyes before he quickly turned his head and pretend as though he hadn't been staring at me for the past ten minutes. I decided to ignore it and read whatever was on the paper.

        Brielle, I apologize for my behavior on the first day of school. We got off on the wrong foot. Luke just pisses me off. He should be in a psych ward not in high school. Seriously, why are you hanging out with him? He's only going to hurt you in the end, and that's the last thing I'd like to see. I've decided to push my own selfish needs aside and focus on something other than myself. Just stay away from him please. I want to talk to you in person. A note doesn't make up for all I've done. Just give me a chance when the time is right.