detonate (ON HOLD)

Chapter Nineteen

        "God forgive me for all my sins. God forgive me for everything,"        

        When I was in eighth grade, I had caught my best friend's boyfriend cheating on her. My immediate reaction was to tell her. Unfortunately for me, the honesty ended up backfiring due to the fact that she believed that I made the entire thing up. She believed that I was attempting to sabotage her relationship because I was bitter and lonely. After I had confessed to her what I had seen, we had a falling out. Weeks passed without me hearing a single word from her. At the time, it was a huge deal. I had lost my absolute best friend. It took me months after our argument to finally realize that she was not my best friend. Friends don't treat you like absolute shit which was what she did. Naturally, after that realization, my "friend" found out that I had been telling the truth all along. Let me tell you, it was bittersweet.

        That bittersweet feeling seemed to take over my entire life after Luke. In a way, I wouldn't have changed a thing. I was more addicted to that stupid blonde haired, blue eyed boy than any drug that lingered in the pockets of the dirty men loitering the street corners. He was the worst drug in that hellhole of a town, and he had me wrapped around his finger. Thoughts of him always seemed to pulse through my brain, and I constantly found myself looking for a way to just forget. Unfortunately, Michael ended up being my brilliant solution. We had always had that sort of flirty friendship. Sure, I had a similar friendship with Calum, but with him, it was different. I didn't feel the urge to run to him whenever I felt badly. Granted, Calum had Tara who he loved more than anything but still. The fact remained that I ran to Michael. I was toying with his feelings despite the fact that I wasn't sure if I could return them. That wasn't fair to him, and I felt horrible about it. Unfortunately, I was incredibly selfish and let my own feelings overrule his.

        Of all times that I could have possibly ran into somebody that I knew, it had to have been when my lips were attached to Michael's. Word had gotten around about my falling out with Luke, but it was pretty quick to be moving on ― especially with your best friend. I knew immediately that he was judging us. I'm sure he was quick to question my mental state knowing that since Luke, I had deteriorated into nothing. For the past few weeks, the eating disorder that I had struggled with in the past returned, and it was much worse the second time around. Some days, I would be lucky if I ate an entire granola bar. Food just didn't appeal to me. I knew it was horrible for me, but then again, so was Luke.

        "Hey Calum. What are you doing here?" Michael asked in a nervous tone.

        "I could ask you the same thing," He muttered with a small frown. "Does Luke know about this?"