Sex Lessons (Peterick) **REWRITTEN**

01

CH. 1 -- PETE

"Another day of sitting there and watching the boy of your dreams with his boyfriend. How sad." Dallon, one of my best friends, says, dropping his tray in front of me. I turn my attention to him, rolling my eyes.

"Thanks for all of your encouraging words, Dal. They mean the world." I deadpan, stealing a fry off of his plate. He swats my hand away and takes a fry for himself.

"Is it not weird that you have a crush on the guy you grew up with? I mean, he lives next door to you. Was it not awkward seeing him all the time?" Dallon wonders aloud, a questioning look on his face. "Also, you've only kissed one person, and you said it was awful. You think Joe's just going to go from someone as experienced as Andy to a dweeb that's still a virgin?"

"You know who else lives next door to me? Patrick Stump. I don't see him all the time." I shoot back, and Dallon raises an eyebrow at me.

"That's because he's out partying and doing illegal things like trespassing and drugs." Dallon says, and I laugh loudly, earning a weird look from a few people at other tables near us.

"To answer your question, no, it's not weird. The only thing that's going to be weird is me telling him how I feel." I say, and Dallon's eyes almost bulge out of his head. "Also, I don't think the joke about me not being experienced was that funny. Sorry we aren't all Travie McCoy and fuck everyone we can get our hands on."

"No way, you can't do that! Andy Hurley will kill you!" Dallon whispers in a harsh voice, chancing a look at the boy with the neck tattoo.

"Oh, look at me, I'm so scared of a guy with a one point nine GPA and a snake tattoo." I mock the boy we're talking about, and Dallon snickers quietly, shoving another fry in his mouth.

"I'm just saying, making a move on Joe while he has a boyfriend probably isn't the way to go with things." Dallon clarifies, and I shrug, taking another fry from him.

"What's the worst that can happen?" I ask, and Dallon gives me a 'really' look before answering.

"He can skin you alive with his bare hands blindfolded. He can deadlift more than you weigh. He has like a trillion tattoos, and you cry when you get a paper cut. Shall I continue?" Dallon says, smirking when my mouth drops open.

"You're supposed to be on my side." I pout, and he just laughs quickly, shaking his head.

"No, I'm supposed to keep you from getting your ass beat. Don't make a move on Joe or confess to him. It's a bad idea." Dallon keeps repeating, but I just shake him off. "By the way, don't insult Travie. He's hot."

"And a slut." I mumble, earning a glare from Dallon that I just laugh off.

--

"Dallon, so, I maybe didn't listen to you." I mumble into the phone, and I can imagine him giving me the look. The 'I told you so, but I'm not going to say it because I'm not that mean' look.

"I'll be over in five?" Dallon suggests, and I'm thankful for my choice in friends (other than Joe).

"You're the best." I say, and he just makes an agreeing sound before hanging up. Sure enough, Dallon is laying in my bed five minutes later, running a hand through my curly hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, turning to face me. I shrug, so he continues to speak. "Did you try to kiss him?"

I pause for a second before nodding. "Yeah, and you were right. I shouldn't have."

"And what happened?" Dallon pushes, and I sigh, turning to where my face is pushed into the pillow.

"He pushed me away and said that he didn't think we should be friends anymore." I say, and Dallon just puts his other hand on my back, rubbing soothing circles.

"It's okay, Pete. You know, I'm kind of thinking you should go for Stump now. I mean, you've dated or tried to date all of your other neighbours." Dallon says, making a joke about the one time I kissed Ryan Ross, who lives across the street from me, back in eighth grade and when I dated Mikey Way, whose backyard is connected to mine, two years ago for about a week and a half.

My eyes widen, and I lift my head from the pillow. "Dallon James Weekes, you are a genius!" I kiss his cheek, jumping out of my bed.

He gives me a strange look. "What?" And then something must click, because his confused look turns to horrified within seconds. "Oh my god, you cannot date Patrick Stump!"

"Why can't I?" I ask, crossing my arms. "I'm pretty sure I've seen him check me out before." I say, wiggling my ass, and Dallon just shakes his head, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"One, never do that again. Two, you'll probably get high just looking at him. Also, do I need to remind you about that time that he got arrested?" Dallon bites his lip as he awaits my answer.

"Oh, come on. You know that wasn't his fault. Urie totally started that fight." I say, and Dallon just throws his hands in the air.

"No matter what I say, you're still going to do it, aren't you?" He asks, an exasperated look on his face. When I nod, he just falls back onto my bed, shaking his head.

"What's so wrong with him besides the fact that he's a 'bad boy'? I mean, he's hot, and the few times I've spoken to him he hasn't been a complete dick." I say, and Dallon just closes his eyes, huffing a breath out.

"Hook me up with his friend, and you won't hear a word from me." Dallon says, and I nod, even though he can't see me.

Operation Make Joe Jealous is a go.

and here we go. sex lessons is being rewritten hahahah.