A Thousand Winds

Chapter One: The Bemusement

This day will be my last day as an artist. I don't want to paint anymore. I don't think I can put my heart into it again. Just the idea of painting hurts me, maybe I'm just too emotional. I feel like the whole world has been put upon my shoulders and I don't know what to do. It feels like somebody's squeezing my heart and now, it's harder to breathe.

I just want to clear up my mind and forget what happened, but the deity is just so cruel. I kept asking Him on why He let this happen, but the answer seems to be far beyond my reach. Did I do something bad to deserve this? I kept asking him that question. I don't understand it. I don't understand Him.

Tears rolled down my face as I kept driving down the road. My eyes were already blurred from crying, but I just can't keep my emotions together.

I took a glimpse of my surroundings but the road was empty. I was the only one driving down this deserted road. Deserted, empty and alone, just like I am.

The surroundings made me feel even glummer. I let out a deep sigh, hoping that it would make me feel lighter, but it didn't. My nose and eyes are all puffy and red. My tears stopped now, maybe because I used it all up already. But it still hurts the same. It shouldn't hurt this much, right?

I tried to focus on the road but I can barely see anything due to the thick fog that covers the place. The right side was filled with gigantic trees that rise in the sky and on the left side was a high steep face of a rock. The rock formations and the ridges of the mountain spread like the clouds above the sky. The beauty of Bozeman is still the best among the cities and towns of Montana and it can be seen from above here. If this is just another day, maybe it could lift my mood up, but now, it doesn't.

I want to focus on the road but my mind was already occupied with thoughts and frustrations in my life. Because of my distress, my eyes were slowly and dangerously being claimed by sleep, but a fleeting white car took my distracted mind from my imminent slumber. On instinct, I turned the wheel hard to the right and suddenly, everything went black.

* * *

I was startled by a loud horn that came from behind me. I adjusted my rearview mirror but I can't see much from behind so I looked at the side mirror to see a pissed off guy yelling from his car. Even though he has been frowning I can't help but be fascinated by his features. He looks like he's just around my age or something.

"Hold on, man! Relax!" I yelled. And without another thought I started the engine and left the place, feeling a little bit embarrassed. I'm just too spaced out. Or was I?

I stopped as soon as I got away from that place and pressed my face against the steering wheel. I chuckled as I try to keep my mind off of what just happened. I pressed my hand on my chest and breathe deeply. I felt my heart beat even faster. I thought I was in a race. Sera, didn't know you could be a racer.

I was driving along the road when I passed by to something. I glanced at it again. A familiar museum. There were lots of people roaming around the place. Great. I feel like someone's pushing me to go there. Alright, but maybe not now.

I have been to that art gallery before, that explains its familiarity and it's a hundred miles away from our house.

Even though my mind was still unease and humiliated, I hummed as I continue driving back home. It's a very long way. I just feel like taking a rest, maybe a long one.

My mother greeted me with a curious face as I stepped my foot on the porch. Her lovely face cannot hide her wrinkles anymore and her hair that was once black now turns to ash gray. All those things don't really matter, she's still beautiful anyway. I hugged her once. I just missed her so much.