Fueled by a desire to become a teacher, Loren Mayshark entered Hunter College in 2008, with the intention of gaining a master's degree in two years. Six years and tens of thousands of dollars later, he abandoned his studies without attaining the deg...
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In May I again traveled over four hundred miles in order to speak with Professor Caraja about both my thesis and my exam. Professor Caraja's corner office has a striking view that looks out into the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Pigeons fly as people scurry around fifteen stories below, like ants tending to unknown tasks. The first thing Professor Caraja told me was that he was so busy that he could only meet with me for forty-five minutes, and that he had no other time to meet with me for the rest of the week while I was in New York. I was astonished as he was telling me this, growing more shocked as I went through the days.
"Tomorrow?" I asked.
"No," he replied.
"Wednesday?"
"No."
"Thursday?"
"No—I just don't have the time to meet with you," he said with finality.
He then informed me that he would not be able to meet with me before the following January as he would be on sabbatical for the summer and fall. So, outside of a forty-five-minute window in mid-May, I would have zero time to review my test with him before the retake in September. He agreed that he would glance at some pages of my thesis if I sent him anything before May 21, but then he would be completely uninvolved with the paper until late January or early February of 2012. He chided me, saying that I was at a disadvantage for choosing an unorthodox course of study, and reminded me that it is difficult to work with a professor without taking a class from him. I agreed that I would have probably enjoyed taking a class from him and would have benefited from the experience but since he hadn't taught a graduate class at the school until after I had taken the entirety of my courses this was impossible. So, after the preliminary discussion on his unavailability, I had thirty-five minutes to go over my thesis and another ten minutes to go over my three-hour test, which I had spent months studying for. The entire session felt dizzyingly rushed.
First, I was told that I had failed my exam because my introductory paragraphs were not specific enough and I couldn't sustain my arguments. Then he attacked the technical nature of my writing and said that he expected more from a graduate student. When I pressed him for examples, he pointed out a couple of two-sentence paragraphs, which he said were completely unacceptable at the graduate level. During his explanation he implied that I had slipped through the program until meeting someone with his serious academic prowess. I responded by telling him that I was not trying to make excuses, but I was given only an hour to develop these essays so I could only push forward as fast as possible, which left no time to revise. How is one to change his paragraphing in a timed, handwritten essay? I was simply dumping out the information from the thirty-six books I had crammed in my head the best I could. I didn't have time for anything else during the exam session. I couldn't have gone through the test with a bottle of whiteout and fixed my paragraphs—it was completely unrealistic. Looking at the test, all things considered, I thought I had done pretty well. There was nothing about it, aside from their opinion of my work, that made me feel like I was a failure. But as I inquired about the methods of their evaluation he became incensed. He could not tell me what the grading criteria was. This was perhaps understandable, since he had never administered this test before, but apparently this is something that he struggles with on his own exams. As one of his students observed on www.ratemyprofessors.com, he "isn't clear about how the grading is being done and when it comes to the exams, which are essays, you have to be VERY specific. Wouldn't recommend at all."
When I gave him a puzzled look as I was trying to understand why I had failed this exam, he coldly replied that his standards are "extremely high" and again alluded to the fact that we hadn't worked together, and added that if I didn't want to continue with him he would understand. I knew that there was no other person in the entire program who could oversee my thesis or exam, so it would be impossible to work with anyone else. I was trapped. So I told him that I would work harder and show him a better effort on my thesis and on the next test.
After we'd discussed my thesis and the reasons I had failed the exam I was told that I could look over my test but could not remove my exam from his sight: "Hunter policy." He then told me that I was to stand outside his office while he locked the door behind him and went to the bathroom. I felt like I was in grade school as I stood out in the hall waiting for my teacher to come back, because he didn't trust that I wouldn't touch anything. When he returned I was given the exam, five full blue booklets in all. I hurriedly jotted down as many notes as possible. After about five minutes he told me that he had a "meeting with the department chair in ten minutes." When I began to tell him that I was still going over the test he told me that I had already taken more than an hour of his time. So I shut my mouth, knowing that the clock was ticking and arguing would get me nowhere. I wrote down as many notes as I could, but before I knew it my time was up and I was only beginning to review my second essay. As I walked into the elevator I felt cheated and insignificant. I began to worry, knowing that I would have to prepare for the exam again with very little feedback on how I was to improve my work. It felt worse knowing that the only person who could instruct me would be unreachable. I felt completely alone and vulnerable, unsure how I was supposed to proceed.
