All Who Wander Are Not Lost

Chapter 6

T.A. 1470

The curtains of the room swirled in the breeze, rippling like waves on the sea shore. A lone figure stands before the window, looking out over the sunny gardens, silent like a ghost. Her gown whirled around her, it's long sleeves billowing out behind her. Her long copper hair curled in the breeze, sweeping in front of her eyes, it's tendrils playing with her nose as they brushed it gently. It was as if she were a living statue, carved of flesh and bone, yet if one looked in her eyes they would see a spark in their depths.

It was here in the healing halls that she had devoted her time. After her battle with the witch king of Angmar defending the young prince, receiving her wounds, and healing, she had forgone her training for a time. Devoting many years to the halls of healing had been the way to slowly heal her heart of the aches that plagued it as she remembered the many youths that they had lost in the battle against their enemy. Many nights she had lain awake for fear of the nightmares that would taunt her, make her believe that she could have saved more of her people from the death that had found them on those fields. She had gone to the mass grave that her kin had made for the fallen, and wept bitterly as she recalled the many close friends that she had lost there. Their names still haunted her, Andiron, Baingoldor, Hulon, Merethor, and so many others that died when they should have lived for thousands of years before sailing.

But with time she had reacquired her joy, though many times she caught herself slipping into sorrow when something reminded her of her many friends. Many times she had wallowed in her sadness, almost to the point of fading, but the efforts and needs of her family ruled out her own wish to pass over to the other side. Her brothers had drug her into their numerous pranks, waiting for that spark to return and for life to go on. They had invited her back to the training fields, begging her to teach them more, her skills far surpassed their own and that of the other warriors. She refused, remembering what her reckless nature in battle had cost her people in the end. Elrond had told her time and time again that her efforts had saved so many lives, that she was not to blame. In her heart she knew that it was true, but her mind told her that her father was wrong, that it was her fault. That she was responsible.

Lifting a pale hand, she pushed back the strand of hair that considered it it's job to tease her nose. She could hear the laughter and the shouts coming from the field, and every once in a while she was able to see one or another of the trainees, swords or daggers flashing in the afternoon light. Leaning against the window she listened intently to the words of instruction being shouted by the teachers; encouragement from those on the sidelines blocked out most of what the teachers tried to get through to their pupils. She smirked when there was a sharp, girl like yelp from one of the ellon, chuckling when she heard the jeers from his friends. This individual was going to have a hard time living down his mistake, the Hall of Fire would be alive with the retellings of his folly.

"I have wondered for a long time why you have refused to participate," her sisters soft, melodious voice spoke at her side.

"I do not really know, perhaps my heart needs to heal, before subjecting itself to the heartbreak that comes with battle," she whispered, longing reflected in her voice.

"Yet you long to be down among them, teaching the new trainees how best to protect themselves, why do you refuse to join them?" Arwen scolded, knowing what her sister longed for deep down.

"Because, because-

"Because nothing, Thennil, you are afraid of what you cannot change. They are gone, we will see then when we sail across the sea, why do you torment yourself so?"

"Because I was responsible for them! Because they should not have been sent out in that battalion! Because I should have trained then better! Because I should have never let them set foot in that training ground there! she cried, whirling around to pierce her with a withering look, I should never have gone charging off to defend that prince, they followed me to protect me when they should have been protecting themselves. I killed them." she ended in a whisper, hand over her heart.