Ghost Towns In The Ocean ☀︎ Ryden

9 | end of life

july 23rd

- sooo i doubt this will post when i want it to but i am in colorado and the wifi sucks but everything else is super pretty and there are lots of dogs but chester from linkin park died which sort of dampened my whole year but otherwise!! everything is greeaatt

this song is end of life by death spells who basically have the best band name Ever and are fronted by the coolest guy Ever- frank iero : the man who shouldnt have fucking cut his hair

━ when you breathe, i feel a heart attack coming on, and i can't wait to watch the world slip away

That hadn't been okay.

The feeling of Brendon's body on top of his own was haunting Ryan, followed him to bed and curled around him, lulled him to sleep and woke up next to him. He was surprised that he had even managed to fall asleep, but there was an odd sort of comfort that he wasn't sure how much he liked hanging around him, going into his lungs and coming out of them as a completely different chemical.

Had it been okay?

The feeling of Brendon's body on top of his own was reminiscent of old times, when other people had hung over Ryan in the same way, luring him in with a little sweat and a little smile. Jokes, tricks, hands, skin, all of it was the same and Ryan hated it and craved it at the same time. Nothing was wrong with feeling a little loved sometimes.

But not by Brendon, the alleged homeless guy in his basement. Brendon wasn't what Ryan wanted, Ryan was vain and focused mainly on himself, he didn't need another pretty boy fucking with his life. He didn't need the feeling of Brendon's body on top of his own. He needed proper inspiration that didn't all deal with being lovesick, he needed to be able to properly write again, and he definitely didn't need to be getting mixed vibes from Brendon.

Mixed vibes could definitely equal feelings and damn, Ryan didn't need to be catching feelings either. There were enough of those, and he would have welcomed the simple lack of anything as though he hadn't been feeling a little too much of that for the past three months.

So now he would hide back up in his room again after his one day of responsibility had left him, it wasn't as though he was getting emails from the dog walking company with addresses and specifications about the dogs and all kinds of stuff, no, one little thing could set him off and it was back to his room for good.

-

3/18 - Somewhere Else

"Have you ever been walking and ended up somewhere that wasn't where you had intended to go? Maybe it had been raining and the streets had looked a little blurred and different or the umbrella had hung low over your eyes so recognition had been a little messed. Maybe you had gotten hit by a wave of water because cars these days have no respect for pedestrians and that had made you aware that you weren't on your street and were, consequently, planted only a few houses or blocks away from a place that doesn't want you back.

And you don't know how your head got the best of you but it has and there you are, cold and wet, like a dog that has been kicked to the curb. It's almost a helpless feeling, a feeling that you don't know why you're there and you're not sure if you belong there, you don't, and you stare.

Rain patters down on your umbrella and it sounds like giving up. Your surroundings don't really matter until you make your way back to your real home, a place that welcomes you and doesn't leave you full of so much heartache that you feel as though your chest might crack and your knees might give out and you might just-

Break.

Spring. It rains a lot in spring, at least, that's what they say, and maybe that's you've gotten yourself caught up in this particular downpour. You've stopped leaving the house because it feels too good to get your clothes soaked and your hair wet and your heart beating again; this is an experience now fended off by the umbrella shielding your eyes, hiding you from whatever you don't want to see. Your shoes are wet and the grass all around you is green, flowers are blooming, trees have sprouted their leaves and will be standing tall until it gets too hot to live in the summer, and they die in the fall.