You and I (vkook)

Chapter 40

It's cold when we're apart and I hate to feel this die // But you can't give me what I want // Just give it time

Taehyung always hid his emotions. He created a mask to himself that he would put on when he was too sad to handle the world around him.

It was the usual: hiding the sadness with tiredness; hiding the sadness with annoyance; hiding the sadness with anger.

Whenever Taehyung felt sad he would hide it the best he could but some years back he was in a state where it was too difficult to hide the sadness in front of people.

It was when he was still living at his house so in order to hide it from his father and sister Taehyung would come home from college alleging he had a rough day and was too tired to do anything. He would say he just needed a nap and then he would hide in his room.

There he would be with the doors and windows closed, just lying on the bed fighting against the tears. Taehyung used to think about it as a dark room to a dark soul, both getting mixed together, no one around be able to tell if the dark on the room was from lack of light or if it was exhaling from Taehyung's soul.

Those were his dark days that he remembers of. Once he was a kid he doesn't know how life was, he read somewhere that on your lowest point you tend to erase it all once you get past it. Taehyung's childhood is a pitch black hole.

While his friends would blab about games they played or shows they watched all that Taehyung was able to see was nothingness. A whole bunch of nothingness, exactly as he had told Jeongguk about.

He guesses that it was too much of a traumatic experience to be kept in his mind. Taehyung thinks he suffered too much too early in his life.

But those dark days he reminds of, it was when he was feeling so low he literally had to hide from people's eyes to pretend he was okay.

Taehyung doesn't like to show off his emotions, he creates a facade for himself and never wants to break it. It's just not worth it.

After those days Taehyung got to a point where his masks could be perfectly put on with some tricks.

Nowadays when Taehyung gets too sad he gets mad, he gets annoyed.

He will complain about anything and everything. Even the slightest noise will annoy him to no ends. That will eventually give him a hell of a headache but it was bearable.

Taehyung, already known by people as a rather revolted person, would much rather let people think he was angry than sad. Taehyung didn't want to admit that he was sad to anyone. Never.

Another thing that is nature to Taehyung is being anxious. Taehyung actually can't understand if he is anxious, hyperactive or something else, he only knows that he literally can't stay still for long.

He will get too bored or feel too much tension growing inside him and he will just feel the severe need to do something, most times without even realizing.

In normal days Taehyung will be sitting watching a show but that will not be enough so while his eyes and mind are focused on the show some part of his body won't be. Therefore he will start to tap his foot in the ground to some subconscious beat or he will pick something and found a way of making noises with it.

Moving around is just something he needs to do. Sometimes he starts to scratch his body as a nervous tick or he starts to mess up with his hair.

When he's nervous he walks around in circles as if walking will let the nervousness fade away.

When he's bored he will make odd noises.

When he's sad he will do literally anything but his favorite thing is go to the kitchen to drink water.