Swings {Joshler}

.Four.

Tyler's pov

There really isn't anything to do because I wouldn't want to be a bother and get one of my few friends to come ditch with me. I pulled out my phone and went to the message icon. I stared at Josh's name and scrolled through the few messages we had.

Me: hey I don't think I'm going back to class

...

Josh: awe why not? 😢

Me:

I hoovered my fingers over the keyboard thinking of an excuse that would be a good reason to skip class.

Me: I just didn't want to stay if there wasn't a teacher

Josh: where are you? I'll come hang out with you.

Me: I'm fine Josh

Josh: I'm not taking no for an answer, besides who's gonna care? The teacher isn't even here

I knew he was being serious and he actually wanted to come hang out with me but I got in my own head. He has friends, he wouldn't want to be with you. He is probably being dare or something. Why else would a popular kid like Josh want to hang out with a stupid nerd like me.

Josh: TyJo? You there bud?

The walls felt like they were closing in. My breath was now short and hitched while I could only hug myself and back into the wall behind me. I slid down and fought the tears threatening to fall. My hands were shaking and I couldn't focus on anything around me. Now more than just my hands were shaking, my legs and torso started shaked violently too.

I stayed like that for a while. It's a horrible feeling and I really don't know what those are considered, anxiety attacks or panic attacks or maybe something in between. And they suck, especially when no one is there to help. But they normally don't last forever, as long as they feel, they don't last forever. After what felt like hours, it was over.

I got up with my backpack and walked out. Pulling my sleeve over my hand and wiped the few tears that stained my cheeks.

Me: I'm fine. Maybe we can catch up after school?

I didn't mind asking anything over the phone because as long as I don't have to actually say it I'll be fine, otherwise I'm super awkward. I walked outside and started walking home.

Josh: that would be awesome! How about 5 ish? At the park?

Me: that would be great 👌

I walked inside. My dad is at work and he usually doesn't get home until 5,but I saw my mom.

"Excuse me. Tyler Joseph come here." oh no... I walked over to my mother on the couch. "What are you doing home so early? You don't get home until 330. It's 240." I played with my thumbs as a nervous habit. "I-i I umm.." I looked at the floor. "Umm is not an answer. I'm not a wall I'm your mother and I expect an answer mister." "I had a panic attack...."

Wrong answer. She looked mad. "You're already failing 2 classes you don't need to miss school. And when's the last time you had a "panic attack" - she said that in a mocking tone as if it wasn't true. - You're lying. What we're you really doing?" I didn't say anything. "I expect an answer Tyler." I still didn't say anything. I couldn't. "I bet your were hanging out with your stupid friends. Are they hanging out with you looking for a boyfriend too? Or is my son the only gay one." Her words were filled with hate no one with a normal family should hear.

"I'm not gay I'm pansexual." I whispered. "What." I looked up at her. She looks really mad. "Nothing ma'am." She was holding a cup. "That's what I thought. Get out of my face bitch." With that she threw the cup at me, hitting me and causing it to break. I ran to my room.

Me: sorry I don't think I can make it today...