Just Whatever's On My Mind

97

I guess there's no better time to tell people about the only time I saw the future and it was good. It was over a year ago. I'd recently made a friend with this guy I knew in middle school. Almost straightaway I knew something was different about him. I didn't know what, but he seemed to be brighter than other people around me. I felt like I needed to be around him. We hung out for about a month and a half and i knew he liked me, because he would blush when he looked me in the eyes, which was hard for him to do. I'd known since that September that if I stayed friends with him, it would happen. I also knew I would like him. I knew full well if I stayed with this goofy, fun, lighthearted person, I would love him. I already did.
  But what people gotta understand is I was already in a relationship, and I didn't believe I would be the person leaving a relationship. Things sucked but I thought I could fix it. I was wrong in the end. But the whole time I was completely ignoring the fact that I knew it wouldn't work out no matter how hard I tried. I just refused to believe myself.
  The defining moment where I knew how it would end up was when we were on the lunchroom and all he did was smile at me. That was it. I knew that if I saw that smile anymore I couldn't leave. And I didn't. I can pinpoint the moment it hit me like Mike damn Tyson that I love him. That I was right. It was a day we were hanging out in a field by a creek and spent the whole time spinning around. And we were laying right next to each other and I saw his eyes through the grass. It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. We wouldn't end up together for another three months, but I knew then that everything was going to be exactly like I'd predicted six months earlier.
   The first time I hugged him was across from my art class. He looked sad. He'd been looking sad. I remember asking if he needed one. I have never remembered so clearly every step of falling for someone. I remember the first time I wished I could kiss him. We were sitting on a railing to a small overpass because my feet hurt and talking. In the cafeteria I was free to think but with my family life I just kept panicking and I remember the way he would help me out and get close to me. That was important because I hate when people get close to my face. I hated it so much more then, but it was comforting. I used to make him have a fish face because it was the cutest thing. When we first sat together in the cafeteria, we sat across from each other. When he looked at me he would smile, and I would just laugh. I didn't think he was particularly funny looking. I just thought it was strange to smile at me. I think that was really when I chose to follow the path to eventual happiness. He's impacted so many memories and parts of my life I would just be alone in a life without him. How could someone not love him, he's Dylan!
  It's contradictory, because I had first thought it would be a bad thing. I didn't know how I would get from where I was to where I am, so it was hard to imagine. But I knew, and it happened. The only thing I wish I did was listen to myself. Cause our first anniversary is in four days and it should have been four months ago. 
   Moral of the story; listen to your gut, your heart is an idiot and your brain is too smart for its own good.