another side

chapter sixteen

Levi forbade me from taking another day off and, besides, I had to ensure that my debts with Katherine were squared. I had no idea what Carmen had meant when she said she would sort it, but I wanted to find that out. And so, I dragged myself out of bed with only about ten minutes until I ususally would have left and got dressed. I looked in the mirror and saw my hair sticking up like I had rubbed a balloon with it paired with the shadow of yesterdays mascara under my eyes. When everyone had left the night before I had kept reapplying coat after coat after coat as I sobbed because there was something oddly satisfying about watching an oily black tear slide down my skin. The smudges under my eyes looked half purposeful, but anyone who mattered would know they weren't. I wondered if Carmen would see my dishevelled appearance and feel at all bad or if she would just look away carelessly. There was only one way to know.

When I began walking to school I was met at the end of the path by what I could only describe as a full blown team of bodyguards. Levi, June and Nate sprang out of nowhere with their sternest expressions painted on and a stance that suggested they were ready to kill.

"I'll be fine on my own you know." I said. I was trying not to look weak, but in reality I couldn't have been more glad that they had my back.

Walking into school was terrifying, but whenever things got scary I felt Levi's hand slip into mine and I felt a little bit okay again. So far, no one was giving me weird looks (save for the fact that they were a little confused at me walking with Nate again). At least that alerted me that nothing about me had hit the school gossip chain just yet. I marched with my army behind me to where I knew Katherine would be, hovering at her locker which had a heart shaped post-it with some Bible verse on it. Something about being kind to people. So much for that principle. She clearly wasn't clear on following the rules.

When we got there, I stopped in my tracks. I was glad I noticed so early since my friends and I were still just about out of sight. I heard them also draw in breath. Carmen was standing there talking to her. Katherine looked panicked and Carmen showed her her phone screen which made her seem even more so. They chatted a bit more then Carmen stormed off, leaving Katherine shaking in her mary janes.

I was curious to know what had just happened. Was asking a good idea? What if my doing so undid whatever work Carmen had just done to cover shit up? I was suddenly filled with a cold, callous carelessness. Why should I give a fuck if I undid her work? She didn't care about me.

I walked up to Katherine before any of my friends could reach out and stop me and I stood ahead of her, arms crossed and expression seering.

"You made a new deal, then?" I spat.

"I guess so." She uttered. She was clearly trying to make it seem to me as though she was still in control, but something about the look in her eyes made me believe Carmen had somehow taken the steering wheel back.

"What did she do to make you give in?" I questioned.

"Who says I've given in?" she smarmed. She looked me up and down and smirked. "Although, you clearly have."

"You don't know anything about me." I grunted. I reached over her shoulder and slammed her locker shut since it was the most I could do to let off steam without full on slapping her in the face. She jumped back in shock, then looked as if she was about to retaliate, but I was already off down the corridor without a glance back. I didn't look for my friends either, but I was pretty sure they had been too scared to follow me. I was looking for Carmen. I wasn't going to talk to her, but I wanted her to see me. I wanted to see if I could see hurt when she looked at me. That was the most I could ask for.

What happened instead was nothing I would have ever asked for. I collided face furst with stone solid muscle and clattered onto the floor, dropping my folders and loose pages on the ground. To my surprise, Aaron actually leant down to help me pick them up and handed them back to me. I nervously murmured a thank you then thought don't kill me don't kill me don't kill me as I walked by him.