A Week With Andrea

Chapter 14

I still have much to say, but I guess some things are better left unsaid. But this was the day I could never forget.

Fuck that rhymed.

I was at mini stop with my lil brother and my brother's girlfriend. We ordered a bucket of chicken that day cause my mom was home. And that only meant one thing. I was leaving. I didn't expect it and neither did she. We were just talking the other night and all of a sudden I'm leaving. I sat there wondering why am I not feeling anything. Why am I okay with this. A week earlier I was trying to kill myself for wanting to leave. But now it seemed like I lost hope and didn't even try.

Last time we talked, she told me she were writing a letter. She sent me small pictures of it but I wasn't able to read it.

I sat there waiting for her. I manage to message her to come and give it to me before I actually go. And I had 30 minutes to wait for the bucket of chicken and for her to come through those doors begging me to stay. But I guess I'm being overly dramatic and fictitious.

I was losing hope. Traffic was unbearable. What if she got here and I was already gone. What would she do?

I slammed my head on the table and kept myself busy by humming a song I could no longer remember. At this point, I might as well leave now.

I look back up and rest my chin on my palm.

'What was taking the fucking bucket so long' i looked back at the counter and felt my insides drop. She was there buying coffee.

Jesus fucking Christ Ea, pick a better time to buy coffee.

I turned around and pinched myself to check if I was seeing things. I look back and you were there, you even looked at me and smiled.
I went out and waited for you in front of 7-11. And minutes later you came.

"Fuck you Heather, I woke up and my mom told me you left."

"Well, my mom delayed it. She wanted to eat."

We walked to the car entrance of the condo and sat there. I didn't know what to say nor what to do. This was the last day, what could I possibly say to make her feel better? Nothing else would make her feel okay except me staying. And we both knew that was impossible.

She gave me a cigarette and smiled.

"This might be your last so enjoy it."

I took it and replied with a smile. That's all I could do at the moment. Smile. It's best not to show any emotion before leaving. It would just fuck things up for the both of us.

"So the letter—" she handed over these small papers that had scribbles on them, I'm assuming they were her penmanship "—and the g-tech."

The g-tech was just an extra thing, I wanted it for my birthday but no one really bought me one. I kept the pen in my pocket and just sat there. Why wasn't I doing anything. Why the fuck wasn't I talking.

I flicked the cigarette into the sewers and leaned back.

"I think you should go. They might look for you." I didn't move a muscle even when I know they would look for me. I just wanted to stay. It's all I'm asking the universe for. Time.

"Nah, they'll be fine."

I risked the fact that I might get caught and be slut-shamed forever. I don't care. I don't wanna miss this chance. I took the risk.

I glanced back at you and you were looking at your phone. Maybe you needed to go.

Your phone rang and I assumed it was your mom but it was your other friend.

"Hey, uh. Where are you?"

"Oh ok."

Then you hung up.

You had to go

I can't stop you

Plus you came all this way for nothing.

I messed it up.

I wasn't prepared.

I will regret this moment for the rest of my life.

I'll live miserably knowing that I didn't do anything.

As we both got up we hugged for the last time and from all the hugs I got from you, this was the best one yet.

Then I kissed you on the cheek.

That meant a lot to me. I've never done it. I dont know why I did it.

But I guess I'm glad I did it.

We part and you held my hand. As we walked away I pictured this dramatic movie scene where our hands let go once we're far enough ad yeah it happened.

I wanted to cry but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I wasnt sad.

I was angry. I was fucking furious. I didn't want it to end this way. Not like this.

Once you were our of my sight, I punched the wall. Multiple times. Until my knuckles were sore. I stared at them long enough and noticed they were bleeding. I rubbed it on my shirt and gripped tightly on my hair.

I was angry.

Angry at the world. My mom. My fate.

I was mad at myself.