Chapter8: Don't leave me

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Phil P.O.V

I woke up confused.

Why aren't I in my bed?

I look around only to find Dans head resting on the edge of my shoulder. I blush thinking about last night. I asked Dan if I could sleep with him, making an excuse about his nightmares but I really just wanted to be close to Dan. I made a fool out of myself the other day. I sigh sliding off of Dans bed as best as I could without waking him up. He looked so innocent, and at peace. Usually he had that sad gleam in his eyes and a fake smile on his face. I've known him for a long time does he really think he can fool me? I've been meaning to ask but I'm afraid of the answer. Last time Dan went through depression it took him years to be able to smile properly. It took him years to be himself. I shudder at the thought of losing Dan again. His depression made him get away from people, locking himself away from everyone, he barley ate unless I force fed him. I was there for him but it was like he didn't want me there. He's flinch away from my touch and scream at me to get out. It was a hard period for Dan and I wish he'd trust me enough to tell me. Whenever I confront him about it he pushes me away.

I sigh walking into the kitchen it was 9am and I knew I wasn't going to go back to sleep. I take out some cereal and a bowl. I reached towards the fridge only to find that we've run out of milk.

"Daaan" I groan, he was suppose to buy the milk yesterday. I throw on some clothes and write a little note for Dan telling him I was going out to get milk.

Dan P.O.V

What time is it? I roll to the side looking for at phone, it's 9:57

"Early" I mutter snuggling into my covers. I don't feel Phil's body beside me making me open my eyes all the way.

"Phil?" I call out stepping out of bed and into the coldness of my room. I really need to get that heating checked.

"Phil?" I call out walking towards his room. No answer. He wasn't in his room. Where could he be? I search all over the house. I look in the kitchen to find a note on the table with Phil's hand writing. My heart beats fast against my chest.

"Dan,

Since you forget to buy milk yesterday (I told you to get it! -.-) I've gone to buy some. Wait for me, so we can have breakfast together. NEXT TIME REMEMBER TO BUY THE MILK! IF I DON'T COME BACK AND END UP FREEZING TO DEATH IT'S YOUR FAULT!

Phil ^-^

I laugh setting the note down on the counter. I wonder how long he has been gone. I sit there waiting for him for what seems like forever. Suddenly it hits me, I'm at home...alone. You see I don't like being alone. My mind decides its a good time to think too much making me anxious and a mess. I frantically try to distract myself, I think about Phil, but the dream, I think about the time we first met, the day I fell for him like a dumbass, I think of Phil, I'll never have him. I think of the good times with my family, now they hate me. I turn on the TV but its too late my mind is going back to memory lane.

Why am I even here? I'm going to lose everyone I love eventually, like always. They're going to leave me, and I'll be all alone. I should get use to this pain in my chest because its going to always be there. I'm worthless, I can't even upload regularly. My fans are going to hate me. Oh god. What am I going to do with my future. I can't do this I can't do this.

My body is shaking and I'm fighting back tears.

Phil is going to get sick if me. God I'm so pathetic. I'm such a crap friend! Why doesn't he just leave me already. Maybe that's why he left to get "milk" maybe he's never going to come back. He's like the other, those who have left me!

"NO! No Phil isn't like that" I cry holding my head trying to get away from the bad thoughts

God I'm so worthless.

"Dan?" A voice calls but I'm too busy fighting the bad thought

Phil IS going to leave me

No! He really cares about me

"Dan look at me! Dan!" Phil's voice breaks the fight making me come back to reality.

"Phil!" I past a smile on my face.

"Dan what's wrong?" He asks his blue eyes willed with concern. I'm tempted to tell him

"N-nothing Phil, I just...I was panicking about Uni and what I'm gonna do" I lie. Typical Dan always lying to the people I love

"Bullshit Dan!" Phil says holding my arm. I flinch, Phil rarely curses only when he's extremely serious or really really drunk

"I'm not lying Phil, I'm just...I worried about my future."

Phil P.O.V

He's lying, and we both know it. I don't understand why he couldn't just simply tell me the truth.

"Dan-"

"Phil, please, just drop it. I'm okay. I'm okay" he interrupts but if feels like he's trying to convince himself. I sigh looking at him. I was worried, extremely worried.

"Come on Dan lets have breakfast" out of courage I take his arm and drag him to the kitchen, pouring him some cereal.

"Here" I hand it to him. He smiles at me, it's a real smile and it makes my heart flutter with hope. Maybe I won't lose my best friend to depression again, maybe I'll get to see this smile more often.

"Thank you Phil. I mean it, thanks for everything. I don't know what I'd do without you." He looks at me, his smile is still on his face and his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes, hold a bit of hope. I smile at him, he's never really thanked me before but he really didn't need to I'll always be there for him. He's my best friend, the person I care most about, the one who stole my heart, he's the reason I can get up in the morning. Without him to keep my feet on the ground I don't know where I'd be now.

"Dan you're my best friend, I'll never leave you especially when you most need me." I hold my arms open and I feel his body crash against mine almost throwing me to the floor. I smile wrapping my arms around him. I feel complete, my heart is beating fast, and my head is spinning.

"Don't leave me Phil" he whispers, it's so quiet, like he was says it to himself, I can barley hear it.

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