FAT (Being rewritten)

Prologue

TW- anorexia, insecurity !!

Alfred stared at himself in the mirror, looking at every detail of himself. To the flab on his calves and thighs and the gut that had been growing. He poked at it, feeling how much was where, and pinched. God,,how did he let himself become like this? He didn't realize it,,no, he did. Alfreds been gaining more and more weight and he hated it, but didn't stop eating as much or anything to do about it, and it devolved into something worse. He was,,ugly. Unpleasant to the eye- unattractive, anyway you wanted to describe it, just- disgusting. Alfred didn't want to be like this,,not at all- he wanted,, to look pretty- for someone to love to fawn over, he wanted to be loved.

And how would he if he looked like this? Full of fat and rolls- scars and stretch marks littered his body and grew larger as he stretched. Some were new- red as can ever be and the start of the roots whiter and faded more into his skin. God,,he just wanted to rip all his skin off, just start from anew. It was so,,disgusting. Disgusting disgusting-! And Alfred thought he looked somewhat decent at a time what a joke,, he looked gross, weighing over 190 pounds already. Though, the others told him it was just muscle, he knew that was just flattery and he was,,wide. Flabby and ugly.

What would he do? He didn't want to go on like this- looking gross and having people look at him dirty because of this- maybe,,maybe if he was pretty he had a chance with him- Alfred was just believing in false hope at this point- but it was hope,, how would he do it? Alfred has tried many diets that ultimately failed, and they didn't do good anyways. Just cut carbs and manage calories, but thats easier said then done. Maybe he could- no,, he couldn't, it had a major of side effects- but it worked. It worked to not eat- not give your body the nutrition it needs. He knew the consequences- seeing what it had done to people,,b-but maybe he didn't need to completely stop eating,,Alfred cut just cut on what he ate. Maybe,, maybe eat something once a day, or small things throughout. Maybe just eat a apple or two and water and a milkshake- But it seemed painful, but he knew how it worked well,,maybe he could try, and he didn't eat much anyways anymore. Alfred just didn't have the motivation too-

All he did was stay in bed all day and play games and did random shit that came to mind. Well, he did work of course, but was way behind, getting constantly scolded for missing or having documents or resear h incomplete or no signature- it was easy, yes, but he couldn't just find the motivation to,,get up from bed anymore aside from bathroom breaks. It was fun in his room, well not fun but,, he didn't need to go outside and have everyone stare at him and glare daggers. Just alone to himself in his nice cold room wrapped in blankets- not happy, not sad, well, he was down times,, but he'd just ignore those feelings until he couldn't.

Alfred sighed, the cold tiles of his bathroom floor pricked at his feet as he stared at the dirty stained sink mirror, and leaned over it. Maybe,,he could try it for a week, what could go wrong? If it worked Alfred would do it- he'd do anything to look better, and besides,,he didnt- he didn't deserve it. Some other people could use that food, not himself whod rot in his room all day doing nothing. Nothing. Alfred was a country anyways, so not like he die or anything. God,,he was pathetic- having to go to such extremes,,at least, at least Alfred could gain something out of this right? Alfred put his hand over his mouth, yawning. His eyes were heavy- he could use the sleep,, Alfred slowly exited the room- heading to his room upstairs. His pants sagged as he hurriedly pulled them up and collapsed on his soft mattress, holding the pillows in his arms as he thought about what he do- no, just fall asleep and forget about it Jones. You can deal with that tomorrow,,and with that thought, he drifted off to a dreamers slumber, turning and groaning in his sleep.