Lost & Found (Beatles Fan Fiction)

Chapter 12

The time spent with Paul and Linda was amazing. It had been wonderful to see them; however, Paul had left me a little disconcerted by what he had told me. He, in fact, had never told John about what he had discussed with Yoko. Before saying goodbye, Linda informed me that their visit to John was entirely based on Paul's concern about John's stability, even telling me Paul thought John could be suicidal. Being there, and seeing him, allowed Paul to realize John wasn't as bad as he thought...and he gave me the credit for that. I, personally, still thought John was drinking entirely too much and I wasn't fond of his drug use, but in all honestly, John had always been an adamant drinker and had been into drugs while we were together, so it would be hypocritical of me to say he was acting completely out of character. His antics that were documented in the newspaper and by the media had happened before I had reconnected with him...and let's face it, everyone is entitled to having drunken moments they later live to regret. I knew what John's personality was like -he was a walking contradiction at times- so it shouldn't have surprised me to see the media having a field day when he publically displayed a screw you attitude. I had seen that type of behavior in private many times. The biggest difference now was Elise. I had to think of her...and my biggest priority was for John to not step over the line when Elise was present.

During the next week, I couldn't fully concentrate at work. I kept thinking about what Paul had said...about trying to get John back. I guess you would think this would have crossed my mind since I had already slept with John, but I had tried to convince myself that had just been a physical need...I mean I had verbally told John it had been a mistake for crying out loud! Granted, at the time, I was far from thinking I wanted John back- but now, the idea didn't seem so far-fetched. In all honesty, I never wanted our relationship to end. He had made the choice to go with Yoko. Emma asked me once if I had suspected anything before John broke it off with me. I told her emotionally John was somewhat disconnected with the whole world...I blamed it partly on the drugs and partly on the distance and tension that had developed within the group. I never suspected John had stopped being in love with me. We still got along and when it came to our sexual relationship, it was still very much active. I don't want to say that I was completely unaware because I did notice that he had become quite interested in Yoko's expositions and artwork. Constantly talking about her ideas and how much he admired her. I was a bit jealous of how much interest he was showing in her, but didn't think that he was falling in love with her and out of love with me. I figured it was one artist admiring another artist. Maybe I was naive, but John and I had always had such an open relationship, I figured he'd tell me if there was anything else...and then he did...and so it was over. I always held on to the belief that he never cheated on me with her...but I never asked him upfront. What would it have mattered?...things had already ended. 

I found out I was pregnant with Elise a few weeks after John left. I had gone back to the States and was living with Elise and Franz. At first I thought I was just not feeling well due to the stress and sadness I felt over my breakup with John, but then Emma convinced me to get some blood work done and we found out the real reason behind my ailments. Amidst the sadness I felt over losing John, the idea of having a tiny being growing inside of me brought me happiness. Elise meant that I would always have a little part of John with me. As she became a toddler, I realized she was more than a little part of John...her personality was so similar to John's. She took after me when it came to looks, but she was pure Lennon when it came to character. 

"Mirel?" I heard John's voice interrupt my thoughts. 

"John." I said surprised to see him there. 

"I just wanted to see if you maybe wanted to have dinner with me after you close here..."

I looked at him without saying anything.