Goals

"Don't wake me up."

And then I'm running, stumbling down the stairs. She's already waiting on the porch when I open the door, and I throw my arms around her. She laughs in my ear and buries her face in the crook of my neck, holding my waist. She's soft and warm, and her Adidas sweatshirt still smells like laundry detergent.

My voice is muffled against her hair. "Tobin. You're going to be in so much trouble, Tobin."

She holds me closer. "I'm already in trouble, Lex. I don't see how things can get any worse."

They could easily get worse. I was so worried about what would happen to her if her Mom saw that her bed was empty. I didn't want her to come back to school with bruises on her body.

I shake my head. "Tobin, you have to go. I don't want her to hurt you."

She slides her hands up my back, grasping at the loose fabric of my oversized shirt. "I can't go back there, Lex. I feel like I'm suffocating when I'm stuck over there."

We stand there for a few minutes, wrapped around each other. The chill in the air eventually reaches my bones, and Tobin suggests that we head inside when I start to shiver. The two of us quietly make our way up the stairs and creep past my mother's bedroom door to avoid waking her.

Tobin whispers, "I feel bad."

I laugh quietly. "Don't. I've done worse things behind her back before."

I went through a rebellious phase during ninth grade year. My father had recently left, and the relationship between my mother and I was becoming increasingly strained. My mother was constantly working overtime at the local diner, as she had yet to recieve the letter that would grant her admission to nursing school and change her life. This gave me plenty of opportunities to conduct rebellious acts while she was out of the house. I would get a sense of satisfaction whenever I did something that I knew she wouldn't approve of. The feeling was so euphoric that I often ignored my common sense in order to grasp it.

I did many stupid things during that dark period of time, things that I wasn't ready for. I drank my first can of alcohol in our backyard. I threw a party so wild that seniors showed up. I went to second base with a girl whose name I can't remember.

I didn't reconcile with my normal self until soccer tryouts came around. It was clear to me that the team would not welcome girls who didn't take their roll as a student athlete seriously. I quickly ditched my rebellious behavior and began to embrace my genuine personality. The team soon realized that I wasn't some reckless freshman who acted out in order to gain attention, and they were pleased when Jill granted me a spot on the team. I managed to end the semester with a stellar GPA and a golden reputation, and I became much happier as a result.

Once we enter my bedroom, Tobin strolls over to my open window and begins to study the stars that adorn the dark sky. The sight of her standing there, awestruck, makes warmth spread throughout my chest.

"Do you have anything to sleep in?"

It takes her a moment to pull herself out of the trance she's in and look at me. "I could just sleep in this, Lex."

I sift through the drawer that holds my pajamas and pull out some running shorts and an old shirt. "Or you could wear these. So you don't stretch out your clothes."

She clumsily catches them when I throw them to her. "Thanks. I'll just um, change in the restroom."

I lay down on my bed while Tobin changes and stare at my barren ceiling. It's very hard to think about nothing when your crush is taking off her clothes on the other side of a door that is less than two inches thick.