On The Edge Of Falling

Bullied Til You Break

Here I sit, alone with my thoughts. Wondering how anyone could be so cruel to another human being? Someone they don't even know. How could you bully, and harass someone...simply for being with someone? The messages, after messages were becoming unbearable. I could hardly look at my phone anymore without seeing more hate. Zak's fans, who weren't even old enough to be thinking about sex, were torturing me night, and day. They were fighting for him. Claiming him as property, when in reality, they had no idea who he was. They knew him from a television show, and his snaps. I would hardly consider that personal information. They didn't know him like I did. That deep connection that we had. But even that was starting to fade again. They were stripping my happiness away, and all I was left with was the torment stuck inside my mind.
I would ask myself, why? Why are you letting these insignificant, childish females make you feel bad about yourself? Their opinion doesn't matter. They mean absolutely nothing to me. I know they're not real competition. They're nothing. But in reality, they were affecting me. Horribly, getting inside my head. Opening my eyes to the truth. I started to realize, I wasn't good enough for Zak. Why is this man with me? What is it about me that he loves so much? I had no answer.
As I sat on the edge of the bed, looking out at the rosewood branches that sway in the wind, the peaceful moment was rudely interrupted by the beep of my cell. Oh, great. Another message on Instagram. I wasn't surprised in the slightest, as I looked upon the message. Needless to say, this conversation with a stranger was the final straw. I've been keeping all of this a secret for weeks. It all started when Zak shared that picture of us together. His fans went into a rage. Zak deleted the hateful comments on the post, but that didn't stop them from stalking my page and harassing me.
I furiously stomped my way down the steps and made my way through the house. Peeking around every corner, until I found Zak lounging outside by the pool. The glass door shook, as I slammed it shut against the frame. Zak swiftly leaned up in his chair and pulled down the black shades that were pressed against the bridge of his nose. He looked at me curiously with a raised brow. "You okay, babe?" Zak asked, as I plopped down onto the chair beside him.
"No, I'm really not." I huffed.
"Shit. What did I do now?"
"Not you. Your fans." I lifted up my cell phone, with the messages still up. Zak took it from my trembling hand and I watched, as his eyes widened in shock.

"What the fuck? Who is this?"
"One of your psychotic fans, Zak! I mean, I can take the hateful bullying now and again, but death threats? Seriously?"
"Okay, just calm down."
"No! I've been dealing with this shit for weeks! I'm over it!" I snatched my cell back from him, as I stood from my chair. Zak slowly stood to face me.
"Wait, what? People have been harassing you for weeks? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't want to pile on more shit. You've been busy enough with the show and the museum. Me being bullied by stupid teenagers should be the least of your worries, but this is taking it too far." I said, as I tried to hold back my emotions. Zak ran his hands down my arms and tried to comfort me with a loving embrace.
"I'm sorry, Addy."
"They don't even know me."
"If they did, they would feel much differently, because you're amazing." Zak caressed my cheek, and gently pressed his lips against mine. With a firm grasp to my bottom, he pulled me in tighter. Without a hint of hesitation, I pushed away from him. "What's wrong?"
"I'm getting death threats. Do you honestly think I'm in the mood for that right now?" I scoffed, as I walked back into the kitchen. Zak rolled his eyes, as he followed shortly behind.
"Sorry, I just thought it would make you feel better." Zak sighed, as he sat beside me at the table.
"Sex isn't the only way to make me feel better. You think it's the answer for everything."
"No, I just enjoy being with you."
"That's all you enjoy." I said, quietly, as I used a napkin to wipe the tears from my flushed face.
"That's not true."
"Really? Because you never want to talk to me anymore. You think having sex is the solution to all of our problems. And believe me, we have a lot of problems."
"Where the fuck is all of this coming from? Are you really going to let these chicks affect you so damn much?" Zak yelled, as he stood over me. I wasn't going to allow him to make me cower down, so I stood to him, nose to nose.
"Why do you love me?"
"What does that even mean?"
"Answer the question, Zak! Why do you love me? Why are we together?" I asked again. My heart felt as if it was sinking in my chest, as Zak gave me those cold eyes that I've seen before.
"I can't believe you even have to ask."
"Because I've never gotten a clear answer." I sighed. "Just tell me."
"I love you."
"But why?" I asked, once more. Really needing an answer. Zak remained quiet. Stuttering, and pacing trying to find the right words to say. As I watched the sadness glaze over his eyes, I shook my head in disbelief. "Thanks a lot." I walked to the door, and snatched my purse on the way out. I could hear Zak's rapid footsteps, as he rushed after me. He stood in the doorway, expression drowning in sadness, as I walked to the car.
"Addy!" Zak shouted, causing me to turn to him. "Where are you going?"
"Billy's! He actually knows how to talk to me!" I yelled back, as I slammed my car door. Zak rushed to me, and pounded his fists on the window, until I rolled it down.
"I should've known! You run to him every time something doesn't go your way!"
"I will stay with you if you give me a reason!" Zak rolled his eyes, and walked back to the house without saying a word. With a sharp twist of my keys, I started the engine and drove down the road. I immediately felt comforted, as I rolled into Billy's driveway. Just being around him always made me feel better. He always knew exactly what to say, but today's visit wasn't going to go exactly as I planned.
My clenched fists pounded repeatedly on the door, and I began to reach into my purse for the spare key just before Billy swung it open. Once Billy looked upon the tears falling, he released a exhausting sigh. "What happened, Addy?" Billy asked, as he pulled me into his house.
"We're fighting again."
"What about now?" Billy asked, as we sat together on the couch. I pulled out my cell and showed him the numerous hateful messages. "Jesus Christ. I'm sorry, Addy, but why would you guys be fighting about this? Are you blaming him for his crazy fans?"
"No, of course not. I asked him why he loved me. He couldn't give me an answer."
"Why would you ask him that?"
"I don't know. I just feel like this isn't right anymore. The more we try to force it, it gets more fucked up."
"Do you still love him?" Billy asked. I bowed my head, ashamed to even utter the phrase.
"I don't know if what we had was ever love." I admitted. The words caused more tears to fall. Unexpectedly, Aaron walked down the stairs and watched from behind the couch. "I feel like such a horrible person for saying that."
"Addy, if you don't love him then why are you with him?"
"I thought I did love him! But my mom was right. It was just passion and lust. There was no real spark there."
"You need to be honest with him."
"I don't want to break his heart."
"You'll break his heart more if you continue living this lie." Billy said, feeling guilty because he knew deep down he wanted me to leave Zak to be with him. Suddenly, Aaron made himself known and sat on the coffee table in front of us.
"I'm sorry, Aaron, I didn't know you were here." I quickly wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I know you guys are his friends. I just don't know what to do."
"You don't have to apologize. We're your friends too, Addy. I agree with Billy. You can't keep forcing this. If you do, it's going to end very badly. I care about you both and I don't want to see that happen." Aaron grasped my hand and gave me a caring smile. I released his grip, as I heard my cell beep. I opened a text from Zak that read: Please, come home. We need to talk.
"I need to go home. I need to tell him." I said, as I slipped my phone back into my pocket and walked towards the door. Aaron and Billy stood.
"Maybe, Billy needs to say something before you go." Aaron said, giving Billy a push towards me. I saw a tint of red take over his cheeks.
"No, I don't." Billy shook his head.
"Billy?" I asked quietly.
"It's okay, Addy. Go home." Billy urged. With a nod of my head, I opened the door and saw my way out. Billy turned towards Aaron, the red in his cheeks remained. "What the hell is your problem?"
"You told her to tell the truth, now I'm telling you to tell the truth. You need to be honest with her, bro. We all know you two should be together."
"Wait, who's we?"
"Um, me and Jay." Aaron smiled. "...and Bacon."
"Why did you tell everyone?"
"Well, they kind of figured when you went into a rage, after you saw their selfie on twitter! It's kind of obvious, dude." Aaron laughed, not realizing how much pain Billy was in. As he watched his friend fall back to the couch, his frustration was starting to show through more. "Sorry, bro, but everyone knows you should be with Addy. You've been in love with her since day one. Zak's my best friend, but they don't belong together. You have to tell her the truth."
"And what if she doesn't want me?"
"Would you be able to live with yourself knowing you didn't even try?" Aaron asked, as he grasped Billy's shoulders.
            I slowly turned the bedroom door handle and Zak looked me directly in the eyes, as I walked inside. His stare was cold, and emotionless. I didn't know whether to break down in tears, or be completely terrified. I knew what he was going to say. I love you, Addy. I want this to work. Please, don't leave. And the guilt would drive me right back into his arms. "We need to talk." Zak sighed.
            "I know."
            "The reason I can't tell you why I love you is because I don't know anymore. I chased you for so long, I felt as though I was obligated to stay with you. That's why I was so distant for so long. I couldn't just let someone go that I fought so hard for. I love you, Addy, but I'm not in love with you. What we had was fun, and passionate, but it wasn't real love. I'm so sorry. Maybe, I'm just not meant to be a boyfriend."
            "Its okay, Zak." I said, as I sat on the bed beside him. Zak curled his brow, baffled that I was actually so forgiving. I could see he was kind of disappointed when I didn't fight harder.
            "It is?"
            "Yeah, I knew this wasn't what we thought it would be. I think deep down I always knew, I just didn't want to hurt you."
            "Wow, so this is really it?"
            "Yeah, I guess it is." I smiled. One last time, Zak wrapped his fingers around the back of my neck and locked his lips with mine. That was the moment I knew, whatever spark we did have before, was gone.
            "You're still the hottest girl I've ever been with." Zak laughed.
            "I'm sure you'll find someone you think is hotter, and hopefully, she'll be the real one." I shared one last smile with Zak before I stood off the bed. "Well, I guess I gotta find a new place to live."
            "Hey, you can stay here. We can still have great sex without being a couple." Zak flashed me a confident wink.
            "Nice try." I laughed.
            "You can stay in the guest bedroom until you find a place."
            "Thank you."
            "So, did Billy tell you yet?"
            "Tell me what?"
            "That he's madly in love with you..."