On The Edge Of Falling

Too Late For Sorry

            Billy's heart was slowly breaking, as he sat on the front steps, head buried in his shaking hands. Zak was busy pacing back and forth on the driveway, calling my cell over and over again. Aaron rushed out, his cell tightly clutched in his hand. "Any luck?" He asked.
            "No, she won't pick up." Zak replied. Billy spit more cursing into the wind and stomped his way back inside, with Aaron and Zak closely following. "Bro, it's going to be okay."
            "No, it's fucking not!" Billy shouted, as he threw his cell phone against the wall. The shattered glass of the screen fell to the floor. The guys couldn't find any words to say, as they were completely shocked by his behavior. Billy sometimes let his temper go during intense lockdowns, but never like this. "I fucked up."
            "What happened?" Aaron asked.
            "I can't even say it. I'm ashamed."
            "Come on, dude." Zak urged. Billy let out a devastating sigh before he finally revealed the shameful details.
            "I don't know. I was a prick. I tried forcing myself on her." Billy slowly looked up at Zak, expecting nothing less, but a furious punch to the face. Zak remained calm, but still shown a hint of anger, as he clenched his jaw shut.
            "What do you mean you tried forcing yourself on her? What did you do?"
            "I didn't hurt her, man. I kept trying to kiss her and she kept pushing me away. I don't know what I was thinking! I'm wasted!"
            "Bro..." Zak sighed.
            "Don't fucking judge me! You're not a saint, Zak! Why did you keep her for so long? You obviously didn't love her if dumping her was so easy for you!"
            "We both agreed to break up!"
            "I had to suffer for months, as I watched my friend date the woman I was in love with! Why were you even with her?" Billy's face was red with anger, and all Zak could do was take a deep breath and sit at the couch with Aaron.
            "I don't know, honestly. I really thought I loved her. I think I was just ready to be with someone and I forced that love. I did care about her, Billy. I'll always care about her. She's an amazing woman and I know that she deserves the best. That's why we ended it. I wasn't the best for her. I wish you would've just told me how you felt."
            "And what? You would've just moved aside and let me have her?"
            "Maybe? Maybe, it would've woke me up. Deep down, I always knew there was something between you two."
            "Well, I just fucking ruined that."
            "Bro, go after her." Aaron urged.
            "I don't even know where she went! She could be hurt somewhere!"
            "Addy isn't that stupid. She's probably back at my house. You need to go talk to her." Zak replied.
            "I don't know if I can."
            "You fucked up, Billy. Own up to it and go fix it. You'll regret it if you don't."
            "And what about you? Are you really going to be comfortable with me dating your ex girlfriend?" Billy asked. They could all tell that Zak had his confident spark back, as he flashed his sly grin and let out a laugh.
            "Hey, you know me, I love the single life. Now, go get your girl." Zak said, as he punched Billy's arm. Giving him the tough bro love, but still showing comfort for his friend. Billy grabbed his keys and tripped over the welcome mat, as he ran towards the door. Aaron stood up and peeked over the couch, as Billy groaned on the floor. Aaron laughed and looked back at Zak.
            "Um, maybe, someone else should drive." Aaron said, as he hopped over the couch and snatched the keys from Billy's hand. He gave him a swift tug off the floor and helped him to the car.
            Zak watched as they drove away, but soon after joined Bacon and Jay in the back. The bon fire had nearly gone out, until Bacon added more logs. The crackle of the wood calmed Zak, and he closed his eyes and smiled at the sight of the twinkling stars in the night sky above. "Damn." Zak sighed.
            "You okay?" Jay asked. By his quick reaction, Zak realized that he had spoken out loud.
            "Oh, yeah, I'm good. It's just weird. I know I'm not the one for Addy, but I'm going to miss it. Having someone waiting for me every day. Coming home to a sexy chick in my bed. Knowing that someone is there to care about me."
            "Man, I thought you'd be out fucking everything that walks again, but I guess you have really changed." Jay laughed.
            "Well, I'm not saying I'm going to be looking for my bride just yet, but I would like to have someone, you know?"
            "She's out there, man." Jay smiled. Bacon, who was uncomfortably sitting in between Jay and Zak, glanced back and forth and seemed to be utterly confused by their deep conversation. As he scratched his beard, he stood up.
            "You girls have fun. I'm going to go dream about screwing Addy before Billy bags her." Bacon laughed, as he walked back into the house.
            Aaron sped into Zak's driveway. Billy had finally felt sober enough to talk, after dangling his head out of the car window. Allowing the cool night air to calm him down. Aaron spotted Zak's missing car parked in the garage. "Dude, Zak's car. She's here." Aaron smiled.
            "You coming in?" Billy nervously asked.
            "Hell no. Go handle your shit, bro." Aaron scoffed. Billy quickly pulled the door handle and rushed up the steps to the front door. He wasn't as sober as he thought because once again, he tripped over the top step. He jumped up and gave Aaron a wave, letting him know he was good to go. "Jesus, bro, you're awkward." Aaron laughed.
            "Addy, it's Billy! Please, open the door!" Billy yelled, as he pounded on the door. His heart grew heavier, as there was no answer. "Please, Addy. I was an asshole, and I'm so sorry. I do love you! I love you more than anything in this world and I'm sorry for taking so long to tell you. Please, let me in." Billy waited and waited, but still no answer. He turned to Aaron, who was gesturing for him to keep trying. Ultimately, Billy decided to turn the handle and to his surprise, it was unlocked. As Billy walked in he looked around to an empty dark house, but did notice Zak car keys sitting on the small table by the door.
            Billy rushed through the house, through every room, looking and looking, but found no one. He rushed up the stairs to the bedroom, only to find the dresser drawers stripped out and empty. Billy grasped the sides of his head, in an absolute state of shock. "No..." Billy suddenly lost all strength in his body, as he collapsed to his knees. Aaron rushed in and widened his eyes at the sight of the empty bedroom.
            "Shit." Aaron sighed.
            "I'm too late. She left." Billy cried.
            "Billy...I'm so sorry, man." Aaron knelt down beside him. He had no idea what he could possibly say to make it better, so instead, he comforted Billy with a tight embrace.
            Zak was almost asleep, being rocked by the warmth of the fire in front of him. Suddenly, he was awoken by the sound of his cell ringing. Without even looking at the screen to confirm who it was, he answered. "Hey, did you find..."
            "Zak, its Addy."
            "Addy! Where did you go? We're all going out of our minds worrying about you!"
            "Don't worry, I'm fine. I dropped your car off at the house. Safe and sound."
            "I don't give a shit about the car, Addy. Where the hell are you?"
            "I'm okay, I'm at a hotel."
            "A hotel? Why?"
            "I can't do this anymore."
            "What do you mean?"
            "Every time I put myself out there for someone, I always end up getting burned. I'm just....really tired."
            "Addy, what are you talking about?"
            "You and I didn't work out. That's okay, but Billy...I thought he would be different."
            "Billy is different..."
            "No, he's not. He doesn't care..."
            "He does care, Addy. You got this wrong. He's out there now looking..."
            "No, he doesn't, Zak. I should've never come here. I should've stayed in St. Louis. I should've let Jake burn down my apartment with me inside." The depressed tone to my voice caused tears to grow in Zak's eyes. Hearing my pain, caused him even more.
            "Stop it, Addy. Don't talk like that."
            "Tell Billy...I'm sorry."
            "No, Addy! Tell me where you are!"
            "I love you all, so much."
            "Addy, please!" Zak cried, just before the call had ended. Jay stood up, as he saw the panic Zak was in. "Oh, my god..."
            "What? What's going on?" Jay asked.
            "We have to find her."
            "Aaron just texted me. They're at your house." Jay replied. Zak demanded Jay to give up his keys, and Jay and Bacon followed Zak to the car. They held on for dear life, as Zak sped through the busy Vegas streets.
            Finally, Zak pulled up to his house and wasted no time rushing up to his bedroom, finding Billy and Aaron, still knelt down on the carpet. "He won't get up." Aaron signed, as he looked up at Zak.
            "Billy, we have to go. We have to get Addy." Zak urged. Billy pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head rapidly, as he stood from the floor.
            "No, she's gone. It's over."
            "Bro, she called me. She's at a hotel."
            "It's doesn't matter."
            "You didn't hear her voice, Billy! She's fucked up! I don't know what she's going to do, but we have to find her before she does it!" Billy finally reacted with concern and widened his sad eyes at Zak.
            "What...where is she? What hotel?"
            "I don't know! We'll try every one in the area if we have to, but we have to go now!" Zak ran out of the room and Billy and Aaron ran close behind.
            I sat with my legs crossed underneath the desk in my hotel room. I felt safe with the legs of the desk and chair closing in around me. Like I had built a wall to protect myself. From everything and everyone. The pain of the world wasn't going to get to me anymore. I was ridding myself of it. Of all the shit that surrounded me in the city of sin. It was becoming more and more clear to me, that I wasn't loved by anyone. It only took months for Zak to realize I wasn't good enough, and now the man I thought I loved more than the world treated me like a raw piece of meat. Just another man to look at me like a way to get ahead. I was done. I don't believe I had one single strong bone left in my body.
            As I sat, curled up on the carpet, I retrieved my cell again and called the only person I thought would be comforting to hear at a time like this. "Addy?" I was surprised my mom had answered, due to the late hour and she immediately was worried when she heard my heavy sobbing on the other end. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"
            "Mom, I tried..." I cried.
            "Addy, what happened?"
            "I tried."
            "You're scaring me, Addy. Please, tell me what's wrong."
            "What's wrong with me?"
            "Addy..."
            "Why am I unlovable?"
            "You're not, what happened to you?"
            "I'm sorry, mom."
            "For what? Addy, please!"
            "I'm so sorry. I should've listened to you. For once, I should've listened."
            "Addy! Tell me...!"
            "I love you..." I heard my mothers cries, as I ended the call. I pressed down the bottom, until my cell shut off. Once again, alone with my dark thought. Thinking about what my next move was going to be.