On The Edge Of Falling

Give Me A Reason

            "Do you ever watch the rain?" I asked, with the side of my head pressed against the window in the back bedroom. My legs were bent, pressed against my body. Billy, who had now taken up Zak's bed, looked up at me with a strong concern.
            "What?" Billy asked, as he leaned his body forward in bed.
            "The rain. Do you ever watch it? Wondering where it came from?"
            "Well, ya see, when warm air, and condensation..."
            "No, Billy."
            "Well, what are you talking about?"
            "When I was a kid, I used to sit at my bedroom window, and watch the rain. I would sit there for hours, and hours and wonder where it came from. As I'd look up at the sky, I would wonder if it was all true. If there was really a God, sitting on his throne, watching the human race. Making sure we all did what we were supposed to. Be kind, don't lie, don't cheat, don't kill. I would want so badly to believe that he was there, watching after me, protecting me from evil, and harm, but then I'd hear my father shouting at my mother. My mom screaming. Glass breaking. And I would take another look at the sky, and my faith would be shaken. That one glimmer of hope, that something bigger was out there, would disappear. So, what's the point? If one day, all of this, will come to an end, why are we here? Why should I care about Zak? Why should I care about losing my home, or my job?"
            "Addy..."
            "No, Billy." I turned my attention from the rain drops falling down the glass, and I looked at Billy. The heavy weight of the world was pressing down on me, and I felt the tickle against my cheek, as my own raindrops fell from my sky. "What is this all about?"
            "What's what all about?"
            "Life." I cried. "Give me a reason. To care. To want...to love." Billy stood from the bed and inched closer to me. Sitting beside me on the cozy nook underneath the window. The pain in my voice caused his heart to grow heavy with sadness. "Please, I need a reason."
            "I..." Billy shook his head, as he gently caressed my cheek, and wiped my tears away. I buried my head in his palm, yearning for that comfort he always knew how to provide. But this was different. The vibe between us had changed. Billy wanted to bring the passion and spark back into my heart. Suddenly, with a swift tug, he pulled me in for a kiss. We tightly locked our lips, but it was over as quick as it began. Billy pulled away from me, and we both leaned back, staring at each other. Both wearing a raised brow. "Ummm..."
            "I have no idea."
            "Did we just kiss?" Billy asked.
            "Yes."
            "That wasn't right, was it?"
            "No." I giggled, as I pressed my fingers against my lips, and proceeded to wipe the rest of my tears away. Billy sealed his lips shut, and looked out of the window. The next thing I knew, he was trying to contain his laughter. "What the hell, Billy?" I laughed with him.
            "I don't know! Why did I do that?"
            "I don't know!" Our laughter grew louder by the second. More tears fell, but they were definitely not ones of sadness. "Oh, Billy, I love you, but not..."
            "No, me either, Addy!" Billy placed his hands on my shoulders, trying to keep himself from falling on the floor with his obnoxious laughter. We both knew it just wasn't right, but I still appreciated how Billy would literally try anything to make me happy. As our laughter faded, Billy gave me a sweet smile, and pulled me in for a warm embrace. "Promise me, you won't tell Zak."
            "I'll take it to the grave." I smiled.
            "I love you, sweetheart."
            "I love you too." We separated and Aaron walked into the room, with a curled brow.
            "Hey, what's so funny?" He asked, with a goofy grin. Hoping he could get in on the joke. Billy and I looked at each other with a guilty grin.
            "Nothing." We said, simultaneously.
            "Okay? Well, we're at the hotel. We gotta go check in to our rooms." Aaron walked out, and Billy stood to follow. As he reached the door frame, he stopped and turned back to me.
            "Because he loves you." Billy said. I somewhat cocked my head, not realizing that he had just answered my question.
            "What?"
            "Because Zak loves you. That's your reason. You don't need much more than that." Billy tapped on the wall, before he walked out. I didn't want to smile. I didn't want Zak to be my reason, but as I watched those men, playfully shove each other, and childishly jump into rain puddles, I stretched a grin. Maybe, all of this was my reason.
I stood in the hallway with the guys, behind the large black double doors that stood tall before us. I was relieved that there was not awkward tension between Billy and I. Although, the uncomfortable feeling between Zak and I was thick enough to slice through. Aaron turned the key into the lock and swiftly swung open the door. I gasped, as I laid my eyes upon the hotel suite. Entering into a hallway with a bedroom on each side, both including two queen sized beds. We reached the living room, with the large glass doors leading to the balcony. The kitchen on the right side, and the master bedroom, with its own bathroom, on the left. "Holy shit. This place is bigger than my old apartment." I laughed.
"You can thank Zak. He paid for it." Bacon said, as he opened the doors to the balcony. He had to get a smoke in, before he got too comfortable. I looked to Zak, and gave him a half smile. I wasn't ready to give him a thank you, or speak to him at all for that matter.
"Yeah, well, I usually look for rentals, but I figured this was good enough." Zak sighed.
"Who's bunking with me?" Aaron asked. Jay whistled and raised his hand, as he joined Bacon on the balcony.
"I suppose, you'll be staying with her?" Zak asked, as he looked at Billy.
"Whoever she's comfortable with." Billy nodded. They both looked to me, waiting for a response.
"I can stay with Billy." I replied.
"You're stuck with me, boss!" Bacon laughed from outside, followed by the loud cough after his deep drag. Zak chuckled and lifted his suitcase back off the floor.
"Which room should I put my bag?" I asked, expecting Zak to take the master.
"You can have that one." Zak answered, as he unexpectedly pointed to the master bedroom. "It has its own bathroom. So, you won't have to share with five other men." Zak walked back down the hall into the room he had chosen. I walked into the bedroom and set my bag on the bed closest to the bathroom. Billy followed and set his bag on the other.
"Do you even know the words 'thank you'?" Billy smirked at me, as I flipped my shoes off.
"He hardly ever said thank you when I worked for him, and I'm doing y'all a favor. Remember?"
"I see you got some of your spunk back." Billy laughed.
"It was that kiss. It did things to me." I joked, with a flirtatious wink. Billy tossed a pillow at me.
"Yeah, yeah. Shut up." Billy laughed. Suddenly, Bacon tapped on our door and peeked his head in with a large smile.
            "Hey, Addy, you could always swap with Zak and stay in my room with me." Bacon grinned. I smiled back and quickly tried to come up with a nice way of turning him down, without completely breaking his heart. I inched closer to him.
            "Bacon, I'm sorry, but it turns out, I can resist the beard." I playfully twirled it in my fingers and walked past him to the kitchen. Bacon glared at Billy, with his jaw tightly clenched.
            "There's your answer, bro." Billy laughed. Bacon rolled his eyes, as he walked back to his bedroom. I looked at the stack of brochures that lay on the countertop. Finally, I had some answers to where we were. Since everyone was keeping it a point to keep it a secret. Indiana? Where could we be going, passing through Indiana?
            Night was approaching, and we were all returning from our dinner. I found that it was becoming easier to be around Zak. That was, as long as he didn't speak to me, or look at me. Which, he complied with.
             I wrapped my camera strap around my neck, and walked out on to the balcony, as the crew stayed in the living room, watching a film. The skyline was lit up and glowing beautiful in the nights sky. I firmly closed one eye and peeked through the view finder, searching for a good subject to focus on. The full moon seemed to be the perfect model. I snapped photo after photo, and felt endless amounts of serenity, as the cool breeze flowed through my hair. Suddenly, I felt a gentle touch to my shoulder. I turned and my smile faded, as I saw Zak staring back at me. I looked into the living room to find it empty. "Where'd everyone go?"
            "Bed. Everyone was tired from the road. I was just letting you know." Zak replied. "I'll leave you alone." Zak walked towards the door.
            "Zak..." I said, quietly. He hesitantly turned back to face me. "I just wanted to say thank you, for the room, and for the bed on the RV. You don't have to be so nice. I'm not asking you to treat me like this."
            "I know, but you deserve it. Does this mean I can talk to you again?"
            "I think it's best if we continue the whole distance thing. For now. I think that's the best thing." Zak disappointedly nodded, wishing that a more loving response would've poured out of my mouth.
            "Okay. Goodnight."
            "Night." It was only a few moments later, when I returned inside and joined Billy in our bedroom. Billy was already resting in bed, steadily playing around on his phone, when I walked in.
            "How'd that go?" Billy asked.
            "Wait, you knew Zak came to talk to me?" I gasped, as I pulled out my pajamas from my suitcase. Billy nodded with a cheeky grin. "And you did nothing to stop him. Im ashamed of you, Billy."
            "You need to talk to him. Plus, we're all sick of walking on eggshells around you two."
            "Well, you'll having to keep on treading lightly for now. I didn't exactly forgive him yet." I said, as I walked towards the bathroom.
            The keyword was "yet."