Melancholic Compendium

/5/ Jolly Dismal

Story # 5

In the midst of the warm and soothing summer, there was this girl who felt very cold. She felt abandoned, even though she has thousands of friends around her each day.

She was the great charlatan. Deceiving and convincing people that she's the jolliest person someone would ever know, even if deep inside her heart was full of raging fire and prickly thorns.

Her saviour, aside from God above, was only herself. She would use her one and only shield against the millions of deranged memoirs, just to save her from gaining bruises.

"I admire you for always being happy. You're lucky that you don't experience things I have experienced. Be thankful for your case." Her sad friend said.

She smirked. They always think of the same things. They thought that she haven't experienced disasters through all of her life. This girl just laughs to tell people how grateful she is, even if her whole being was prickled by thorns, even if she was once too near to death.

"If only they knew. If only they could understand how I feel, how I think." She whispered to the wind.

One day, she decided to go somewhere alone. Where she could think clearly, where she could mend her broken pieces back into place-- where she could let her true self out.

The white sand beach. It's her favorite place since she was just eight years old. From there she did nothing but to sit on the sand, right next to the blue wavy sea.

The waves keep hitting her feet as her thoughts submerged deeper than the sea. She was all alone. It was a perfect time to focus on herself.

"I must do something better. It's the time to take action. But how?" The girl kicked the seawater, but it just keeps on embracing her feet.

She cried. Thinking how sad her life is, but she just smiled all those out. It's like covering a fire with plastic, even though you know that the plastic will melt no matter how big will you use. Her smiles doesn't make any help and sense, except for being her mask at times she don't want to face those close minded people who will just judge her story.

She stood and tried to wipe her own tears with her palm. The roaring sea keeps hugging her feet as tears fall down and submerge into the salty water.

The girl walked towards the sea, until the water reached her ankles, knees, hips, elbow, neck, and her whole body.

She closed her eyes and drowned herself. Tried to escape, but thought that there's nothing more good to do. It was her way. How could she be better? To stop her breath? Be frozen? Sleep forever?

"You're always happy!"
"How can I be like you?"
"I wished I have no problems like you."

The voices inside her head drives her crazy. It made her shudder and feel cold inside and out. Her tears cannot touch her face anymore due to the presence of water surrounding her body.

She can't breathe. She can't do it.

The girl opened her eyes, immediately drew her head off the sea and gasped for air.

"This isn't my way." She thought. "I have my own way of solving my problems, and hiding them with my laughter and smiles is the way."

And she laughed hard.