The potato princess and the triggered bear

The potato parents, the vintage hotel and it's for your own good

"I see you come, I watch you go

You never seem to leave me though

So is this love or hate

We'll see you're making me crazy

Inside my dreams, you're all I see

Well, all I see is you and me

Lady, maybe, or host

I find I really don't mind

If I had to choose a rose

In this garden of romance

Maybe we could take this chance

Maybe you're my love!" I sang happily as James watched me from the back seat in a heap of blankets.

An hour ago the sunset had radiated across the cloud, turning it molten orange with bands of pink. Now it is gone and I drive under the starless, moonless sky. There is no twilight, only blackness. I feel claustrophobic like I am in a cave. The low sky has become a ceiling of gray-black rock above.

The stars in the sky were nonexistent, as between us arose puffs of gray. Those balls of cotton seen during the day shifted into streams of gray the color of ash and soot. They blanketed the sky, hiding the full moon in its full glory behind them. But the moon fought, oh how it fought to shine its light on the earth. But the clouds stretched over the sky, giving it a hazy ominous feel.

I drifted into consciousness. And then back out. The world was a blur, and random images seemed to float aimlessly around in the pool of my thoughts, as though they were being blown about viciously by a hurricane. A tap on my shoulder momentarily brought me back to the outside world, but after a second I was once again lost. I could feel somebody trying to look at me, staring dead in the eye, but I couldn't keep focus. The whole world simply felt low resolution, a bad quality movie.

"Tired?" James smiled at me, I jerk awake with a start and stared weirdly at him

"No, I'm fine," I mutter, rubbing my eyes fiercely.

"Your lying." James poked my arm lightly.

"Don't do that."I move my arm away from his and stares blankly at the road in front of us.

"Not fine my butt," he mutters, which earned a glare from his side of the room.

"I don't need sleep."

"Vampires need sleep too." James protested,"Go to sleep!" James kept smiling at my annoyed expression.

"hey...Cami? maybe we should stop somewhere for the night before you swerve off the road and kill us both," James asked with a look of mild concern.

"Yeah, yeah... okay Mr... Mr um...potato looking bear..." I said sleepily.

I was tired as hell, weary with the burden of long-closed eyes; I could have easily pulled off being a walking zombie, dead on the inside but subconsciously awake.

About ten minutes after James had told me to pull off the road,  we found ourselves in front of a hotel. It was a vintage themed hotel that seemed a little run down and off. But of course, we didn't care because who the fuck cares in a teen fiction story? We walked in and we were greeted by a burly,  muscular man carrying a sweet potato. I then realized that this strange man with amazing taste in potatoes was my dad!!!!  "DAD!!  WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING??  WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU LEAVE ME WITH A TRIGGERED FUCKING BEAR?!?!"

I felt a bit bad for James... Not because I called him a triggered bear because he is, but for yelling right in his ear.

My potato Dad let us enter what they called "the potato castle. They really decorated in here... "So, Camilla,  how have you been? " My potato parents asked. I almost thought they cared for a second.  "It's Cami first of all, and second I'm doing just fine on my own."

After what seemed like an eternity and a half of silence, my potato parents asked James about his snake shop. "Oh,  it's great most of the time,  but then you get those crazy people who think that a hose is a snake trying to strangle me and end up beating the shot out of me. " He said sarcastically while side-eyeing me the whole time. "Camilla, we want you to know that we didn't intend to leave you with this seemingly triggered bear,  but we felt it was for your own good." Wow, not cliche at all, and also WHO THE FUCK LEAVES THEIR OWN CHILD FOR THEIR OWN GOOD?????  I think I said that last part out loud. "We didn't mean to leave you Camilla,  we just knew you wouldn't like what we are going to tell you. " Okay, when are they gonna learn that my name is not Camilla,  it's Cami? "What is it mom? " I looked over to see if James was still listening, but he was fast asleep on the floral sofa. And then the impossible, the inexplicable happened......

Nah,  just kidding. My mom is just pregnant with my potato sister. Wait,  SHES HAVING A FREAKING BABY!!!

later that night,  I'm cuddled up beside James just running over my thoughts. And then I remembered that there was nobody to open up the potato shoppe tomorrow. I panic but then realise that James's dad will probably just open it up for us. I start to drift off to sleep thinking about how c'est bonne c'est bonne c'est bonne potatoes are.

I wake up in the morning only to find James already out of bed. Its raining outside and he's got his arms outstretched in the middle of the driveway. I find myself running outside and situating myself just centimeters away from him.  He turns in to face me and says "I've been waiting for you, Cami." This is turning into teen fiction shit way too fast. "You've been waiting for me James? " I squeak.  He looks at me longingly and I can feel his fingertips lingering on my potato soft skin. Amidst all the triggeredness of this bear loving wattpad reader,  I see a glimpse of something innocent, something pure. He pulls me in closer and wraps his arms around my waist. We both lean in and suddenly our lips are on each other's.

It takes me a minute to realise what is happening, but I pull away as quick as I can,  hoping that I still have some innocence left in me. Although that's probably not the reason why I am impure,  because I've read too many sinful books already.

My potato parents are letting James and I stay in their castle for another night, but this time in separate beds. I'm starting to envision my potato sister looking after our family business,  and being just like me. The only problem is that in my fantasies, my sister actually is a potato with human features. At least then there would be someone more potato like than me, so I'm not complaining. As long as she never told anyone that we were related, it would be c'est bonne c'est bonne c'est bonne.

In the car, a very pissed off and triggered looking James demands to take over the radio. From what I know about him, I expect him to listen to heavy metal or death rock,  but instead, he insists on playing Justin Bieber. What kind of triggered wattpad reading bear like Justin fucking Bieber???

A little later into the trip,  I am reading what I call The Book of Sins,  while James drives the car. "James, why the hell did you kiss me the other night? " I asked subtly.  "BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT OKAY?!?! " It wasn't the answer I was hoping for bit at least he'll somewhat talk to me about it. Of I'm gonna be loving with him for a while then we gotta be open about these things or else we might murder each other. Actually, that's not a bad thought...  Maybe if James gets me really pissed then I'll just kill him. That's not crazy, is it? 

I turn up the radio, which I forgot was playing James's music. I recognised the song from somewhere... It was Shelter. Omg!!  I watch the video to this on repeat. I even made my parents and potato cousin watch it. I make them watch a lot of random stuff. I can pretty find ways to blackmail anyone into watching whatever I want them to. That's my other gift. I'm not just a potato selling prodigy, I'm also a master blackmailer. It comes in handy though when you really don't feel like doing something.

We got back to James's house at around 3p.m. and I was exhausted. I ranted to him pretty much the whole way home,  and now my voice is hoarse because of it. People always tell me to speak my mind, and when I finally do, my voice dies a long,  slow death.

Hope you enjoyed that actual piece of Shit. Creds to lilyrowb0at for writing this chapter. If you liked it then go check out her book The Ordinary Life of a Female Protagonist and take a look at her profile.