"a letter...? why the hell would they leave a letter? unless..." I rushed over to the kitchen counter and ripped open the letter like the dirty savage I am.
"sweet shiitake mushrooms on a stick..." I said out loud as I read the mysterious letter.
hello, darling! if you're reading this letter then you've probably woken up late because I didn't wake you up, but there's a reason for that.... you see, your father and I received an urgent call from your aunt Lilla lemontree for us to go to her house in texas to help her fend off the wild turkeys and -
"What the fuck?! those wankers! they left me at their flip flapping potato shop to go on vacation to texas and help an aunt who I've never heard of, to go fend off wild fucking turkeys?! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!!!!!???? I guess I should read some more."
-fortify her house. now I know your not gonna like this but we're probably going to be staying with her for about eight months, but we 've arranged for you to stay with someone you know,
His name is James Aldrich, you might know him, I think... he lives across the street from us and works at "Randy's snake shop" which is right next door to the potato shop! isn't that great sweetie? you'll get to spend so much TIME with James now that it's summer!! I hope you kids have a grand old time! don't stay up too late or fall in love with him! *winks* and take care of our potato shop.
Lots of love, Mom.
I stared into the endless abyss and assessed the information that I had just read. and looked at the window. I wonder if that window is big enough for me to jump out of...
But instead, I just stared up at the ceiling and screamed loud enough for the kangaroos in Australia to hear me or cause an avalanche at a nearby mountain killing a few people.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you 're wondering what brought upon this bout of psychotic rage, then let me explain. James Aldrich is a pretentious self-absorbed prick who loves bears and can be set off into an eternal rage filled rant if you know what to insult him.
"And now I have to live with that stupid lettuce eating manatee trash for eight goddamn months..." I snarled angrily as I crushed the letter in my hand.
So I stuffed the crumpled up letter and stuffed it into my pocket and rushed out the door to open up the potato shop.
"My psychotic ranting can wait!" I exclaimed as I ran down the street towards the potato shop.
The day was postcard perfect, even the buses were running on time. Downtown the skyscrapers shone silver in the morning sun and the sky was an unbroken backdrop of blue. Commuters walked like shoals of fish in a myriad of directions, not one of them in winter garb.
The weather is the kind that feels like a kiss of summer without the fiery heat of noontime in August. The grass is a soft green that almost has a hint of blue and in the sky is enough pristine white cloud to show you how beautiful the sky was, how perfect.
Yet, as I walked through the beautiful sights of the city, my bitter demeanor remained. And soon enough I saw the beautiful sign on my parent's potato shop.
ye...it's called "Ye ole potato shoppe" don't you think that's a perfect name? *whispers* if you think so then your very fucking wrong.
I walked up to the door and reached into my bag to grab the keys to the store but....
"What the... they're not here! where the- oh wait," I fumbled around in my pockets and pulled out the letter that was more like a sad crumpled up napkin by now.
I sighed in frustration. "of fucking course..."
the note read,
P.S, By the way, Camille, we may have accidentally left the keys to the store with James, s you can just go over to the snake store and find him> Luv yah!
"WhY dOeS ThIS ALwaYS FuGgIng HapPen tO MEeEeeee?!" I groaned as I turned around walked across the street to Randy's snake shop.
but when I looked through the window and saw some sort of struggle.
"W-what!? whats happening in there?" I asked as I pressed my face against the window.
And what I saw was truly horrifying, so horrifying it would make even satan cringe and cause world war 28.
NOPE *DABS* just messing with you
I saw James scrapping with some sort of ropelike creature, and he was clearly losing Because he's a fucking loser.
And like the hero that I am clearly not, I broke through the door and said the first thing that came to my mind.
"Not today! you dirty slimy wanker! I'm not having my chaperone dying on me anytime soon!! he still needs to give me the goddamn keys!!! AAAAAGGGGHHHh!!" I yelled as I swung my bag at James and the creature.
"Wait wait wait wait-OOF!" he didn't get to finish his sentence because he was smacked in the head by my bag.
The creature fell to the floor and I leaned in closer to get a good look at the thing.
Then the realization hit me like a bag to the face.
"OOOOOOHHHHH! it's just a hose, oh well, now then..." I said dusting myself off.
"Hand over my keys."
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I hope y'all enjoyed that lovely *whispers* (yea right) CHapter
YOU ARE READING
The potato princess and the triggered bear
HumorCamilla is not your ordinary gir- wait nope that's way too cliche.... I'll try this again, Cami is a princess, a potato princess, who works at a potato shop with her parents. But one day... Her parents leave her out of the blue to go who knows wher...
