Adrift: A Little Mermaid Retelling

21: Agnes

That night, even the terrible threat of my transformation into some half-human, half-scaled creature seemed dim in comparison to the hope that had sparked deep within me. Focused on the life I envisioned somewhere far away from my father's house, I had to take the first step of the journey I longed to begin.

Dannie was asleep when I found him. He woke at my touch. I felt that night as if I could read his mind, as if I knew him in a way I had never known him before. He told me to go away, but I didn't. I could tell it wasn't what he wanted. One look at his face, and I knew that he yearned for me to stay.

I told him what I had learned from Wyll—that he might send me away to Oranslan or, if he did not, that he might arrange a marriage for me.

"But we could go away, Dannie," I whispered, reaching to touch his hand. His skin was warm beneath my fingertips.

He pulled back from me at first. "Ness, you know that can't be."

But it could be, and he knew it; as he looked at me, a thousand worlds unfolded in his dark eyes, a thousand different tomorrows. I moved toward him, drawn in by the promise of it all, and as the distance between us closed, I said, "We could escape."

He whispered my name—the special name he had for me, just for him and no one else. Something woke in me that night, some part of me that had not yet seen the light but had always been there, sleeping. It was a hunger and a power all my own. I was overcome, and I think Dannie was, too.

I kissed him, and the rest of the world, with its darkness and its pain, all faded away.

We lay together after, entwined, and I wondered what I felt for him. I examined each fleeting thought and emotion, searching for something to hold onto, but I could find nothing to cling to but my hope for our future. I needed him. I needed a future beyond the prison of my father's house.

"I'm sorry, Ness," Dannie said. He sounded half-asleep, half-ashamed. "I love you."

"Sorry," I echoed, making it a question.

He was silent, but he trailed his fingertips lightly down my spine, leaving a burning shiver in their wake.

"Do you truly love me, Dannie?" I asked, turning my head to rest my chin on his naked chest so I could meet his gaze.

Dannie's eyes reflected the light of the coals in the fireplace. He put his hand on my cheek. "I do. Do you love me?"

I tipped my head to rest my face in his hand for a moment. I wondered what he would do were he to discover what I was. I might not have known then what sort of creature I was, but I knew that a truly human girl did not shimmer at the touch of water, did not grow a tail in place of legs.

I wondered if he would still love me if he knew this dark secret of mine. Looking into his eyes, I thought perhaps he would. I almost told him that night. But, I thought, I could tell him when we were somewhere safe, somewhere far away.

I took his hand, kissed his palm, and sat up. "We must go away, Dannie. We can never be happy here."

He turned from me and leaned over the side of his cot. I watched his back; his skin gleamed golden in the light from the hearth, and the muscles rolled smoothly beneath. I reached out to touch his shoulder blade. He paused, drawing a breath beneath my touch, before rummaging through the few belongings he kept arranged beneath his cot.

"I made this for you," he said, offering a small object to me. "I actually made it a long time ago, not long after ... everything happened. I've kept it for you since."

I took it and turned it in my hands, seeing that it was a small wooden creature with a small head, a humped back, and long, flat legs. "What is it?"

"It's a sea turtle. I saw them once, traveling with my father. Not sure I remember quite what they look like, but it was something like this. They had fins, you see, and this bit here—" he indicated the creature's back— "is a shell. They can pop their head in and hide away in there, or at least that's what he told me."

I smiled, turning the carven creature over in my hand. "I like it, Dannie. I'll treasure it forever. Someday, when we are far away from here, maybe we can see one for ourselves."