CARPE NOCTEM, jon snow

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀fifteen

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
the return

⠀⠀⠀"Wake up. Sparrow, wake up!"

⠀⠀⠀The hand on Carsen's shoulder jerked her out of her restless slumber, and she jumped violently when she saw the crown of three faces above her, peering down at her; Pyp, Grenn and Sam, with a lantern held aloft. She blinked the sleep from her eyes and sat up, throwing each of them questioning glances.

⠀⠀⠀"Jon's gone," Sam whispered over the snores of the dormitory. Carsen's eyes widened, and she twisted round to where she knew Jon slept; sure enough, his pallet was empty, cold-looking.

⠀⠀⠀"We need your help," Pyp said. "Get your shoes and furs on, you'll be outside a while."

⠀⠀⠀They waited while she shrugged on a thick overskin, boots and fleeced gloves before the group of four quietly slipped out the door. Outside in the corridor, their pace was urgent and loud, but Carsen's head was still cloudy with confusion. Thankfully, Pyp took it upon himself to explain; he strode in front, his hand holding out the lantern before him, talking in hushed tones.

⠀⠀⠀"The news came this evening," Pyp huffed. "It's his father. The boy King beheaded him outside the Sept of Baelor for treason." Carsen's hand found her mouth as she quickened her pace. "We think Jon's gone up to the Riverlands. His brother's there, and Jon thinks he's going to declare war on the Lannisters - he wants to be there. We have to catch him."

⠀⠀⠀They were outside now, their breaths mystifying in the air, wispy clouds of swan-white vapour rising gently up to the black, star-spotted sky. There were horses tied to posts outside the stables. Carsen realised with a jolt that one of them was her own Nightwing. Then she looked again.

⠀⠀⠀There were only three.

⠀⠀⠀Realisation dawned on Carsen even before she saw Sam's guilty face shining in the firelight.

⠀⠀⠀"You have to stay here," Grenn told her ruefully. "You have to open the gate when we get back, or we'll never get back in."

⠀⠀⠀Carsen shut her eyes briefly. Her protest rose so violently she almost considered yelling at them. Instead she nodded tightly.

⠀⠀⠀The three boys seated themselves on horseback. Sam leant over to speak to her.

⠀⠀⠀"When we get back, we'll knock on the gate three times so you know it's us," he said, his voice quaking slightly. He was looking at the silhouette of the woods, rising sharply against the black sky with fear flickering in his warm eyes, but he grabbed the reins all the same.

⠀⠀⠀I should be there, Carsen wanted to say. You're too afraid to go, so I'll go for you. Get off your damn horse.

⠀⠀⠀But as always she could only look and touch, so she grabbed Sam's soft, cushiony hand and squeezed it tightly, smiling sadly up at his scared face before hurrying over to the gates. She grabbed one of the chains holding the heavy doors fast and pulled; it was a slow process even as she pulled with all her might, but soon the doors were open, a gaping hole in the stone wall that lead to darkness and the unknown.

⠀⠀⠀She watched mutely as Pyp, Grenn and Sam rode past, their horses kicking up sprays of snow and the earth underneath it, and then she went about closing the gates.

⠀⠀⠀The time after that was the hardest.

⠀⠀⠀Without the grinding of the gates, three others breathing and talking and the whinnying and grazing of three horses, the silence was deafening. Carsen collapsed against the gate, her head tilted back against the heavy wood. Her mind was strangely tranquil for once, as even Rogon was non-existent. She was surrounded by empty, cold air from all sides.

⠀⠀⠀She waited for hours, not moving; her eyelids felt heavy as lead, her arse numb against the frozen ground and gooseflesh spotting every inch of her skin. But finally, finally, she heard the padding of hooves outside, softly at first then louder. She forced herself up, her locked and frozen muscles clicking as she moved for the first time in hours, and waited. The hooves paused, and Carsen listened silently as someone dropped to the floor. Next second came the knocks, three soft knocks.

⠀⠀⠀She sprinted to the chains and pulled; the doors heaved open, clearing patches of snow and allowing Pyp, Grenn and Sam back in...and Jon's horse trotted in after them. He looked at nobody as she swung himself off his seat, but as Carsen shoved the gates closed, the sound echoed lowly over the courtyard, and he turned to face her.

⠀⠀⠀She stood, staring at him for several seconds, unsure whether she wanted to slap him or hug him. She made forward, breaking into a run when she found she couldn't help herself and stopped short right in front of him, reigning in her breath. Jon gave her a sheepish half-smile, which dropped rather quickly when Carsen's hand flew up and punched him in the arm. He grunted, clutching the bruise, but Carsen didn't give him time to vocalise his pain before wrapping her arms round his neck in a quick embrace. She thought he laughed as he hugged her back, and she felt his breath ghost over her neck. The embrace was over quickly, but Carsen still felt the swansdown brush of his dark hair against her face long after he'd stepped away.

⠀⠀⠀As the four turned to head back into Castle Black, Carsen noticed Rogon. His skin was the same hue as the snow on the floor, his eyes vacant and dead, bleeding as ever, but somehow she was indifferent to him now. As she slung an arm round Sam's back and headed in silence indoors, she felt a huge shadow lift from her - bringing the light back in her eyes, the colour in her cheeks, the brightness in her soul.

⠀⠀⠀She didn't need to look back to know Rogon had gone.

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