CARPE NOCTEM, jon snow

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀thirty

thirty. the king beyond the wall

loc. mance rayder's camp, the frostfangs. 300AC

⠀⠀⠀THE SKY WAS the colour of the winter sea, and Carsen indulged in the coldness.

⠀⠀⠀Mance Rayder's tent was made from hide. A bear or aurochs, Carsen supposed absently as she shifted from one foot to another, as if trying to sidle her worry to just one side of her. One side to be consumed and the other light and free as a bird. She hadn't been allowed in—permitted only to watch as Jon, Ygritte and the Lord of Bones disappeared inside the dark mouth. As the door flapped, she caught scent of something sweet and musky, like a flower trodden underfoot, but the smell was as fleeting as petals rushing past in a gust of wind, and soon the odour of woodsmoak and roasting game swallowed her once again.

⠀⠀⠀After what seemed like days, each second blurred into the next until they became one grey streak, the tent doors opened again; a sense of relief took Carsen by the throat as she saw Jon emerge. She noted his black uniform had been discarded in favour of what looked like a wolf pelt. Carsen was reminded unpleasantly of Ghost, the memory accompanied by an odd shiver that jarred her spine as the white fur and red eyes came to mind. White and red, she thought, disquieted. Like the weirwood trees...

⠀⠀⠀"Carsen Sage." She hadn't even noticed Ygritte come out. The redhead wasn't grinning or smirking now, which send an odd flurry of anxiety through Carsen's stomach. "Mance wants to talk to the girl crow who helped kill the 'Alfhand."

⠀⠀⠀She prayed she didn't flinch as her mind did at those words, and instead ducked under the arm Ygritte was using to prop open the tent door. Inside was dark, the air thick and bittersweet, and trails of fern dangled languidly from the ceiling. Their purplish hue gave them the look of veins. Carsen tried not to look at them, instead squinting through the semi-darkness at the two figures silhouetted blackly before her.

⠀⠀⠀"This is the stick that killed Qhorin Halfhand?" She couldn't even tell which one had spoken. She could only swallow and prayed her nervousness didn't appear in forms of perspiration on her brow. The figure to the left rose and lumbered toward her; as he came into the pallid light, Carsen glimpsed thick, wiry red hair and a beard to match. Scarce any of his face was visible through the tangle of ginger, but his eyes were ferocious, slits of blue like cold stars through hard folds of skin.

⠀⠀⠀He scoffed. "The girl crow has less meat on her bones than a fucking beetle." He took Carsen's wrist and encircled it with his thumb and forefinger. She snatched it back roughly. The feeling of hands on her still disquieted her. Hands were always on her. Different hands over time, but never good hands.

⠀⠀⠀"Leave her be, Tormund," called the second figure. Mance Rayder, Carsen thought, as the silhouette rose and walked to join the ginger. "So it is true? You stuck a sword in the Halfhand's back?"

⠀⠀⠀She swallowed. "Yeah," she answered, in a voice surprisingly steady. "Yeah, that was me."

⠀⠀⠀"Why did you do it?" Mance pressed.

⠀⠀⠀"'Few reasons," she shrugged. "He was going to kill Jon. He was going to stop us from coming here."

⠀⠀⠀Tormund cackled. "Qhorin Halfhand, slain by a woman," he remarked.

⠀⠀⠀"Why's that so surprising?" Carsen heard Ygritte call haughtily from the back of the tent. "Well, you act like I couldn't slice your balls off and make you eat 'em right now."

⠀⠀⠀Tormund shrugged heavy shoulders. "I bet she only came up to his waist."

⠀⠀⠀"And yet he's dead," Mance said. "He's dead, and the girl crow's not. Says a lot, Tormund. He was our enemy, and I'm glad he's dead." He held out a hand. Carsen stared at it as if it were a highly poisonous spider before shaking it.

⠀⠀⠀"What was a girl doing with the Halfhand anyway?" Mance asked.

⠀⠀⠀Carsen shifted. "I was a Ranger back at Castle Black."

⠀⠀⠀This shocked him; his dark, damp eyes widened in the thin cage of his head. "You? So not only did Lord Crow allow a girl to stay at the Night's Watch, he also allowed you to become a Ranger?"

⠀⠀⠀Carsen closed her eyes briefly. "They didn't know I—they didn't know I was a girl at first."

⠀⠀⠀Laughter rang out from behind her. Tormund was bent double, choking on his mirth. "Last time we checked, the crows still had enough brains to rub together. Now you tell me they've grown so stupid they let a woman enter their nest?"

⠀⠀⠀"Apparently," Carsen countered. "I was just trying to get away from someone. And—and out here, in the wilderness... I'm even further away from them. And out here, I don't have to hide what I am. Because most of you are like me. Women. Killers. I could never feel more at home." Her last line was bitter as lemon.

⠀⠀⠀Rayder huffed. "So you want to join us to get away from some man you're worried is after you?"

⠀⠀⠀I never said they were a man. "Yes," she answered steadily. "Self preservation has always been a speciality of mine."

⠀⠀⠀Finally, Rayder looked over her shoulder at Tormund. "Get the girl a new cloak. She's one of us now."

⠀⠀⠀As Mance stepped away, Carsen felt a weight lifted from her chest. The hide Tormund pressed into her arms felt warm and heavy.

⠀⠀⠀She ducked behind the thick mast holding the tent up to change. As she peeled off the black Night's Watch uniform, she felt as if she were shedding skin too. The skin that was bloodied and marred and blistered, the skin that Rogon had squeezed and had wielded weapons of murder, pooling at her feet with the black feathers. The wolf pelt felt more like skin upon her bones.

⠀⠀⠀Carsen stepped out to find Ygritte still waiting for her. The redhead flashed a cheeky grin.

⠀⠀⠀"It suits you," Ygritte said, her eyes scraping down Carsen's body in a way that made a flurry of something vague and ambiguous pass through her stomach, but she managed to dredge up a smile.

⠀⠀⠀"Your 'air's growin' back too," Ygritte commented as Carsen joined her at the mouth of the tent. Suprised, Carsen realised she was right. Her roughly-shorn hair was longer, reaching some the way down her neck now. It pleased her, she realised, and a warm, light feeling spread through her blood, unravelling every tight muscle in her body.

⠀⠀⠀"Come on," Ygritte said. She ducked under the tent and caught Carsen's hand, pulling her through to the frigid outside. "I'm gonna teach you how to shoot."

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