I Don't Volunteer As Tribute [Hunger Games parody]

Sandwich on a train

I was shook awake suddenly by someone grabbing the roots of my hair and tugging. "Stooooop," I grumbled.

"Come, Catnip, we have a meeting," Iffy said. "There's food."

Suddenly I felt more like waking up. We walked through the train's hallway and into a new car. It had a golden chandler in the middle, a velvet rug, and other amazingly expensive items that no one could afford in the muffin-making district.

"Hello,"Pita greeted me. I sheepishly waved. I knew him a little bit. He had given me bread...

*Flashback*

"Want some bread?"

"Ok."

*End of flashback*

"You must be Catnip Avadean," a man smiled. I screamed and hid behind Iffy.

"PERVERT ON THE TRAIN!"

"I'm not a-"

"Iffy!"

"Catnip!"

"Pita," Pita smiled. I gave him a dirty look and he shrugged.

"I'm not a pervert. My name is Sandwich and- oh I guess you're right," Sandwich drunkly mumbled. "I'm going to train you and Pita for the Hungry Games."

"On how to be perverted and-"

"Maybe."

"Ok," I sat down across from Pita, but avoided eye contact with him. In the Hungry Games you had to kill everyone... so I'll have to kill him.

A maid came and laid a plate with a Brad Pitt signature on it. Wow, Major City-ians really live in luxury.

"I'm going to train the two of you," Sandwich explained. "And we're going to the training centre."

I exchanged glances with Pita. He looked mortified.

"Do any of you have any... fighting skills?" Iffy piped up.

Sandwich ate a mouthful of pancake and chewed thoughtfully. I thought hard, then looked at Pita.

"I can bake stuff," he offered. Iffy glued her mouth shut.

"I'm good with a bow and arrow," I spoke.

Iffy clapped her hands together. "Excellent."