Our Bittersweet Lives

[ten]

I skip up to the hospital door and swing it open. Smiling at the receptionist, I walk over to the elevator and push the button to call it. Normally, I would take the stairs, but now that May has been transferred to a different room for her recovery, I would have to climb all the way up to the 6th floor. And I'm already late because I had drama.

I step into the elevator and enjoy the whooshing sensation I get in the pit of my stomach as it goes upwards. When the elevator dings, the doors slide open and I step out again. Looking down the corridor I see Regina standing outside the room May is in. She is beaming, and gestures for me to come quickly. I run down to the last room, ignoring my tight chest. It doesn't matter now. I reach Regina, breathless, and gasp,
"What is it? Good news, I hope?"

She nods enthusiastically and opens the door. I follow her in and squeal with delight. There, sitting on a visitor chair, is May. Unattached to tubes and wires, and in her own clothes, for the first time since she's woken up. I rush over and hug her tight.
"Mayday! You're...out of bed! Up! When, how, did this happen?"

I look at the other girls, mock-accusingly, and Zoe quickly says, "May did the same to us. We knocked, walked in and saw her there out of bed. Isn't it amazing, Taegs?"
I nod and hug May again. It has been so long - far too long - since I gave her a proper hug. And while her body is still ultra-skinny, and her ribs stick out like knives, she feels solid and warm and real and happy. Her hair is bouncy again, her eyes sparkling, her cheeks rosy. I pull out my phone and demand a selfie with my besties. Oh, it feels so good be a group of six again!

We have a group girl hug. Kyra pulls away quickly, looking at me with wide eyes. "Taegan! You are so skinny! Almost as skinny as May! Please, please tell me you aren't dieting."

I shake my head and look down at my stomach. "I'm not dieting, I'm just never hungry these days. Really!" I say, as the girls give me disbelieving looks.

"We need to fatten you up again!" Zoe jokes, but I can see the worry in her eyes. I wave it away.

"I'm fine guys, really." It is true, though. I wouldn't dream of dieting, I've seen firsthand what an eating disorder can do to someone in my older sister Judy. I just haven't been hungry at all lately.

"May, I can't believe we haven't asked yet! When do you get discharged from here?" Questions Zoe, her voice happy and melodic again.

"I have another few weeks here, but as of next week I am allowed out of the hospital on short trips, no more than an hour or two, the doctor said. I'm so excited to get out!" May leans forward towards us, and whispers, "But what I'm most looking forward to is getting some decent meals again!"

We all laugh, and then look at each other as if to say, 'How good does it feel to be laughing together again, with not a care in the world at this moment?'

All of us exchange stories while helping each other with homework. At one point, May mentions that she hasn't actually been outside of this room and the one on the 3rd floor. We all gasp theatrically in shock, and then grab the wheelchair in the corner of the room and help May into it. She still isn't strong enough to stand fully yet, and you can tell it frustrates her, but she settles onto the cushion of the wheelchair and smiles at us. I wheel her out of the door and into the hallway. She looks up and down the long white alleyway, and then jokes, "So this is what freedom looks like!"

We laugh and wheel her down to the elevator. Next to the button is a piece of paper telling us what is on each floor. Next to Floor 7, the word Playroom is printed. We all see it at the same time and May says, "Can we go there? Please please?"

We all nod and get into the elevator. Whoosh, and we're there. We roll May out and walk excitedly to the door that is painted bright yellow. Pushing it open, we take in the room. The walls are painted bright blue, with different sky scenes on each one. There are soft teddies everywhere, and a corner with books and beanbags. Another corner has a huge rectangular table, which at one end has a pile of paper and pots of coloured pens, crayons and paints, and at the other end has a bowl full of Hama Beads and moulds. Then there is a large wall mounted television with controllers on the sofa in front of it for the TV, the Wii and the Xbox. The final corner is just a large rug with a box of baby / toddler toys.

Who knew our local hospital was so generous to kids?! Certainly not us, because each of our mouths are hanging open in astonishment. Then Kyra blinks, looks at us, giggles, and says, "Close your mouth please, Michael, we are not a codfish."

I grin, and then step into the room. I wheel May to the table and the others follow. We sit down and grab some paper and paints, except Kate, who grabs pencils. She says she doesn't trust herself in school uniform with paints.

After a while, Kyra says, "Oh!" and reaches into her school bag. With a grin at us, she produces a small box of Quality Streets. We all gasp and lunge for them. They are all gone within five minutes, after the girls force-fed me four chocolates.

Another 5 minutes later, May announces that the chocolates have made her thirsty. The rest of us nod our heads in agreement. I think I remember seeing a kitchen or cafeteria on the first floor once, so I volunteer to run down and get some glasses of water for us. May smiles gratefully at me.

I stand up and walk our of the room, giving the girls a quick wave. I walk down to the elevator and wait for it to come. On the way down, it takes forever because some people have pressed every single button so the elevator stops at all of those floors first. I sigh. Kids, probably.

I was right -  there is a kitchen on Level 1. I fill up a jug with water and grab six glasses.

Of course. The elevator is on floor two and climbing, not descending. Just my luck. I push the button with my elbow anyway, but just then my phone buzzes in my skirt pocket. I place the jug down and look at the screen. It's Kate.

Coming back?! We are about to start a game of Monopoly if you want to come!

I grin - Monopoly is our game, so I quickly put my phone back in my pocket and pick up the jug. I can't be bothered to wait for this slow elevator, which is still climbing, and stopping for an eternity at each floor.

Turning left, I walk toward the stairs. My phone buzzes again.

Come on Taegan! We have to get May back to the room before the doctor comes in to check on her! We are going to start even if you aren't here in one minute! 59...58...57...56...55...

I laugh a little and start to run up the stairs.

Ok, this was a bad idea. My feet pound the stairs again and again, and with each step my chest gets tighter, and tighter, and tighter...

I'm on Level 3. It's ok, I've done 2 floors, 4 more to go. I can do this. I can I can I can.

Level 4 and I can barely breathe. Black spots have appeared at the edges of my vision and my head is fuzzy. What's wrong with me? I'm a cross country runner. I have stamina. So I struggle to take a deep breath through my constricting windpipe and plough on.

I reach Level 5. By now, I'm coughing and gasping, trying desperately to get oxygen into my lungs. My whole body feels weak and cold. I stumble on the stairs about halfway up to Level 6, and collapse onto the hard steps. I'm vaguely aware of the water jug spilling everywhere and the glasses shattering on the tiled stairs. I struggle to push myself up, but my arms are collapsing. My eyes are going dark. Breathe, breathe, breathe... I'm breathing through my mouth, loud and ugly, but I don't care. I have to get air. I have to. My chest, it feels like its on fire, my nerves becoming fuzzy and vision darker. I'm going to die. Oxygen, I need oxygen...

How has no one seen me yet? I'm in a busy hospital... I try to cry for help but I don't have the oxygen to breathe, let alone talk. I'm going to die alone. Oh gosh. Please, someone, help me, I........can't.........breathe.......

Nothing.

Hope that was ok! I will try to update soon because I am excited to write the next chapter! Sorry about any typos. Please vote and comment all thoughts, criticisms, corrections and feelings  :)

~Tiff xxx