Our Bittersweet Lives

[eleven]

White gown...

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Chocolate brown eyes...

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"Miss Taegan B Green? Miss Taegan Bronwyn? Can you hear me?"

Who?

Oh. That's my name. Is that my name? I think so. I should answer...

Haze....fuzz.... slow as a sloth, I blink  my eyes and see a tall man with chocolate brown eyes and wearing a long white coat. He has olive skin and messy dark hair. I blink at him again.

"Taegan! Lovely to see you! My name is Dr Williamson and I have been waiting a while for you to wake up. Two and a half days, to be exact. Would you like me to explain what's going on?"

I try to open my mouth to say yes but all that comes out is a strangled groan. My throat is parched.

Dr Williamson smiles faintly. "Okay then. You fell on the stairs, hit your head and were comatose for just over two days. You may have suffered some brain damage, perhaps memory loss, it is a little too early to tell. The reason you fell down the stairs is that you were doing too much physical exercise for your lungs to handle. Your lungs are very weak at the moment, because I am sorry to tell you that you have Stage 4 Lung Cancer, Taegan. I'm sorry."

I...what? What, no, that can't be right. I want to scream at this doctor for making such a horrible mistake. I can't have cancer. No. I can't have cancer. It's not possible. No. He has got it wrong. He must have gotten it wrong.

"N-n-oooo.... t-that's not..." I break off when I realise that there are tears coursing down my cheeks. Dr Williamson looks mildly alarmed, and he tells me to "Please, calm down."

Does he want to try calming down after being told he has Stage 4 cancer??
Suddenly, I remember my family and immediately wish I hadn't. I don't want to know their reaction if they know. Do they know?

"My...my family?" I croak.

Dr Williamson nods slightly and holds up his finger, indicating one minute. He walks briskly out of the room, his white coat billowing behind him.

I put my hands over my face and sob. This can't be happening to me. I'm only fifteen, I have my whole life ahead of me. And my friends! Oh, how can I do this to them? And poor May is still in hospital, how will they cope with this?
I feel like a terrible friend and daughter.

I'm still crying, minutes later, when the doctor walks in with my mother, father, and Judy and Samantha behind him. My sisters' eyes are rimmed with red, like they've been crying, my father looks heartbroken and my mother has a blank expression, but her lips are trembling like she's trying not to cry. I suddenly realise how they must see me - a drip attached to my arm, bandages round my head, loads of monitors and machines next to me, and in a flimsy blue gown. This makes me cry harder. My mother sets her jaw.

Dr Williamson says, "I will give you all a minute." and hurriedly steps outside.

As soon as the door closes, my father turns away with shaking shoulders, and Judy rushes over to hug me. I gratefully squeeze her back, feeling her warm body. I can hear her heart beating because my ear is pressed against her chest. How much longer until my heart stops doing that?

I push Judy away after a few moments, and smile weakly at Mantha. Then I look at my mother. Hopefully she can explain what's going on and what's going to happen.

"Taegan. First of all, stop crying please. It is annoying me. Now, that's better. So, you have cancer. The NHS are willing to treat you with chemotherapy to make you feel better and live longer. There is nothing that the NHS can do to completely stop the cancer, or at least it would take too long. By the time they were available to treat you, you would be dead. So chemo is what they are going to do. It is difficult as by Stage 4 the tumours will have already spread to other areas in your body. The cancer has only spread to your brain, which is both lucky and unlucky. We could, of course, go private, but we are not willing to pay that sum of money, now and probably ever. Your treatment will start in seven days, a week from now. Do you understand?"

I nod mutely, completely shocked at everything my mother has said. I turn my face away so she doesn't see the tears on my face, because I've just been told that basically, I'm going to die probably before I'm 25, because my parents are not willing to pay for me. I hear my mother's disgusted snort at my tears, but I don't turn around. Clenching my fists, I will my voice to be steady and say quietly,
"Please go. All of you. Just go. I don't want you in here anymore."

My mother and father begin to protest loudly, but I'm it having any of it. I don't care if they are the ones who should be bossing me around. I don't care. I'm the one with Stage 4 cancer and I'm the one who is going to die and I'm the one who has just been told her parents can't be bothered to try for me. So when my mother comes closer to yell at me better, I just reach out and press the call button. A nurse comes running in and I tell her that my family are hassling and stressing me, please can she make them leave. She escorts them out immediately. I breathe out slowly, feeling numb inside. When Dr Williamson comes back in, I ask if friends are allowed to visit.

"Normally, no. It's too early. But your friends have been here to see you, about four times a day, each day. So I am willing to make an exception if they want to come now for about ten minutes. Is that alright, Miss Green?" he answers.

I nod, and then reach for my phone, which is in my bag at the foot of the bed. The doctor hurriedly shakes his head and gets it for me.

"No sitting up and definitely no getting out of bed, Miss." he frowns.

I roll my eyes, but nod. I pull up the group chat on my phone and see I have no messages from the girls. A wave of panic and worry washes over me - are they not worried? Do they not care? But I text them anyway, just one word.

Girls?

Hi!  So, it's been a while. I'm so sorry about that. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am in no way a doctor, so all my information is from online. I'm pretty sure the NHS wouldn't wait that long to operate and everything, but hey, I need a story, so please use your imagination while I use my poetic licence. Thanks!

I hope you enjoyed it, sorry it's a little sad.

See you soon ( hopefully )

~Tiff xxx