Missed Connections

Missed Connections: Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"I know you said no to supper, but I grabbed a couple of panini from that bodega you like, just in case."

"Oh. Thanks." Taking the bag with a smile, I move to the kitchen and grab a couple of plates for us. With the conversation to come, I'm so not hungry. Now we'll have to sit through a hellish supper before I can tell him we can't sleep together anymore. "Cola?"

"Sounds good."

While I'd feel more comfortable drinking my way through a vat of wine, I owe it to Jack to do this as tactfully as I can and while sober. Or mostly sober—I've had a glass of wine since I got home.

"You made it sound sinister on the phone. 'We need to talk.'"

"I didn't want you to get the wrong idea and come in here kisses blazing."

He takes his plate with a smile and follows me to the living room, settling opposite me on the couch. "I can see that. The last time we spoke was intense."

I smile. "There wasn't much talking at all. You nailed me over your island. I rode you in your bed."

He looks surprised. "I meant after."

It had been an amazing kiss when he dropped me off. He'd looked at me as if he wanted to have a long talk but hadn't said anything. "A few things have happened to me since I saw you that night, Jack." Things involving a sexy massage therapist working his way into my heart and asking me to be exclusive. He said he's falling for me and wants more. I want more too.

"Like what?"

My sandwich tastes like sawdust. Why are the words so hard to find? It's just Jack and me—we've been friends forever. The only difference is we'll be going back to the way we used to be. And taking us back to where we were proves I'm a good person. I refuse to lead them both on and then tear their hearts out. "Nothing bad. Don't look so worried. Eat your sandwich. You're looking skinnier than usual."

"I haven't been sleeping well." He resumes eating.

His unusual confession throws me off. "Why not? Everything okay? Is Pete okay? I haven't heard from him much lately."

"I haven't heard much from him either." He narrows his eyes. "But he's been really quiet. I don't like it."

"Me neither. Things feel wrong when he's not there being obnoxiously loud."

"Do you miss living with him?"

The Coke burns a cold trail down my throat, making my eyes water. "I loved spending time with him, and I miss him, but no. I definitely like having my own place better."

"I like you having your own place better too." I want to launch myself up his body and bite that lip, but no. I have to think of Blake now. It wouldn't be fair to him to sleep with Jack. If I'm going to be Blake's girlfriend, I have to be exclusive. But is that what I want?

Jack sips his Coke. "I can't stop thinking about how sexy you were the other night. You've never been so unrestrained."

Unable to sit still any longer, I stand and pace.

He sets his sandwich down. "What's wrong?"

Everything. Nothing. "You can't talk to me that way anymore."

"What?"

"You heard me."

Jack's at my side in a second. "Why?"

"This shouldn't be so hard. We were never anything serious." I'm speaking more to myself than anything else, but he answers.

"We were friends. And now we're more."

I shake my head. "We were friends and we slept together. But that's it. That's all it ever could have been."

"What, so you think I'm good enough to fuck, but not good enough to have a conversation with?"

I wring my hands. "No, it's not that." And he's the one who never lets me in.

"Then what is it?"

I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to tell anyone about Blake and me. It's too soon, too nebulous to talk about with other people. But it feels right. "I've met someone."

"What?"

"And we really connected. We met online a few weeks ago. You don't know him."

"Online?" He looks like he doesn't know whether to laugh or leave.

"Yes."

"So you're stopping us because of some random guy you met on a dating site who you might have feelings for?"

"It wasn't a dating site." Not that that matters. "But, yeah. I have to give him a chance, and it's not fair to be with you both. I refuse to be that person."

"You'll give him a fair shot but I get shut out before even getting a chance."

"I'm not shutting you out! I never shut you out."

He steps closer, taking my hands. "Then let me in."

My eyes close. Now he wants to talk and share more than a bed? His thumbs running against the backs of my hands are driving me crazy. "I did."

"No, you didn't and we both know it. I can make you scream my name in bed, but I can't get you to call me and talk to me about your day."

I didn't know he wanted more. I was waiting for him to want more when all along I was the one keeping this physical only. Right? But if he wanted more, he could have used his fucking words. I have to face facts, so I force myself to look at him. "Our relationship isn't—wasn't— like that. We both know the score. All it was ever going to be was something casual and fun, or you'd have said something."

"It was never just sex to me."

"It wasn't to me either." Shit. I don't mean to encourage him, but I can't stand the betrayal in his eyes. Not when he does mean so much more to me than sex. "I thought you were content to carry on the way we have been."

"You're wrong. We could be great together. We are great together." His hand caresses my face, making me shiver. "Tell me you don't feel the connection between us."

I should choose Blake, but I still want Jack too. What's wrong with me? "I can't." My voice is barely a whisper.

He licks his lips. "What we have is real." He pulls me into his embrace, and despite myself, I wrap my arms around him and squeeze tight. I don't want to let him go either. "It's powerful."

"Jack, I—"

"I'm what you need," he whispers into my hair. "I'm not just a walking cock. Don't pretend I mean nothing more to you than that."

God, I'm dying. I welcomed Jack into my bed and he's crawled underneath my skin, burrowed inside me, and it would be easier to tear out my bones and watch them walk out the door than to say good-bye to him now.

I'd written him off as a possibility because I thought I should, but it doesn't feel right to end it now.

"You're looking for something better when I'm right here. I've... It's not easy for me to express myself. But, fuck it, I'm falling in love with you, Sarah."

His words suck all the air from the room. My lungs expand and contract, but I can't get enough air.

So I nod, and he smiles and pulls me closer, and his lips find mine and melt the barrier between us I was trying to carefully build. I let him lead me to my bedroom because I want him. I need him.

Blake was wrong about me. I'm a terrible person.