Missed Connections

Missed Connections: Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Is this a trick? Is he doing this to sabotage Blake and me? But no, Jack's not like that, and besides, how the hell would he have Blake's Skype account? "What the hell is going on? What do you mean you're my Missed Connection?" The impossibility of it pings through my mind. He can't be. But he's here and knows about the Missed Connection, and he's walking toward me, swallowing my reasons with the intensity in his eyes. What about Blake? "You can't be."

"Why not?" His voice is soft.

Because I'd have known if it was you. "Because...it can't be you."

"It wasn't me when we ate Indian food and watched Dirty Dancing online? When I told you I took secret dancing lessons so I could be like Johnny? When you'd come home from work and talk to me online about your days and let me be there for you? It was me all along."

I shake my head. "No."

"Are you disappointed?" Jack stops just inches away.

"I don't know how I feel." I can barely breathe. I can't believe it. "But I have your number. It's not the same as my Missed Connection."

"You're the only one with this phone number. I wanted you to get to know me for real with no preconceived notions." He scrolls back, showing me the messages from "Blake" over the past couple of months.

My hand clutches his phone—and the truth. He's my Missed Connection, and I don't know how to feel about this. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to but never found the right time."

"The right time would have been anytime in the past two months, Jack! We talked almost every day. You could have told me every day that it was you. Or, I don't know, maybe when I was downstairs breaking up with you to be with...you."

"So you could tell me how we could never be a couple because we were too different and the best I could be to you is casual sex? And I didn't know if you were breaking up with me for the Missed Connection or someone else. Not for sure. Not until you messaged me after I left."

I can't even deal with the thought of there being someone else besides Jack and Blake in the equation.

The doorway is too crowded with Jack, me, and all my emotions crammed into it, so I push past Jack and walk into the living room. Jack is my Missed Connection? "Start from the beginning."

"It was the only way I could get you to open up to me. I knew I'd never be anything but a hookup to you. And maybe it was the only way I could open up to you as well. I'm not the best at expressing myself. God, I'm making it sound as though the whole thing was a sordid scheme. It wasn't." He runs his hands through his hair. "It just sort of happened, and then I was so, God, so happy you were letting your walls down with me that I couldn't stop. Just getting to talk to you every day was like an addiction. Our conversations were the best part of my day."

Mine too. "Were you ever planning on telling me the truth? How long would you have continued the charade?"

"It wasn't a charade. You have to know that all of it was real, Sarah. I got so wrapped up in you, in the relationship we had online, that I justified it any way I could to keep talking to you. It was new for me too. I didn't want you to know it was me for sure and freak out, push me away. But I know I let it go too far."

"Did you get off on it? Knowing that I had no idea it was you? Did you think about it when you were f-fucking me?" Outrage chokes my words. Like my thoughts, nothing is flowing easily, and I wrap my arms around myself, feeling way too exposed.