39 Days

Tears

I was so upset the day I found out Ian kept something from me. It wasn't like him. But, I still loved him. I just hoped that when he left it wouldn't change him.

I slammed the door a little too loud when I returned home in mid-day, and my mother was surprisingly on the couch in the living room. She looked up from her show and she looked sad. I was no longer worried about Ian at that moment.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I sat next to her. She stayed quiet for a moment and that told me one thing, she didn't have good news for me. I could see one single tear that trailed down the soft lines of her face, I never noticed how much she was aging. She looked tired.

"You know I've been sick for a long time now, Rose," she looked at me, calmly, "it's been too long now, and I don't think I have a lot of time left."

My vision began to blur in that moment, but I couldn't break down in front of her. I didn't have many words but I just nodded, I understood that this wasn't forever. She would not be in pain forever.

I hugged her and took advantage of her presence that I soon would not have. I could feel tears, not mine, but hers. She was crying and I felt I was there at the right moment to be her shoulder to cry on. She looked up at me once she could bare to stop crying for at least a minute.

"It will happen, it is going to happen," she started, "and no matter how hard it is just know I will be at peace and I will always be with you in heart and nothing will ever change that. I will always be at your side at every moment and it will be like I'm not even gone. I will always be here and my love for you and your father is forever, just know that."

She placed her hand behind my head, caressing it, and kissed me on my forehead. I couldn't hold my tears back anymore because then I realized the reality. My mom was sick, dying, and was never going to come back. I felt the tears one by one roll down my cheek and my heart was heavy with sadness. It's only a matter of time now.