39 Days

Into The Night

I was towards the middle of the field one night after a walk, almost home, until I heard footsteps behind me. It was Ian. His loud and clumsy feet. God, Ian. Ian can't keep me mad, but I had other worries upon me and he had priorities he had to go through with.

"Rose," he said almost so quietly I couldn't hear him the first time, "Rose!"

I turned around and stared blankly into his eyes, I was not having it. Not that day. Something inside of me was eager to come out, the anger that I've held in was not going to be held in much longer.

"You know what Ian? You're just going to disappear for however long you'll be gone and I would have been just left here. I really cannot believe it--"

He interrupts me so fast, it only heightens my anger, "Rose I didn't want you mad or worried."

"You really accomplished a lot today, because now I'm mad and worried. I don't know if you know this, but you're not fit for that, you are harmless and that's not going to help you survive. We both know that. And I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't just go to the market everyday to buy food and whatever, I go there to see you. I get to see you everyday and that's all that gets me through the horror of my dying mother and I can't even get some truth out of you until the last second. It's almost as if I'm losing everything, you're going to be gone and my mother will be gone, and nobody can tell me when. It really sucks. But good luck."

His mouth fell and I shook my head at him, I was disappointed. I didn't let him say another word and I silently walked away. I didn't know if that was the last time I would see Ian before he left, but I knew I had so much more to be concerned about than a stupid boy.

If I hadn't met him I wouldn't be going through this, I wouldn't have to suffer like this. I thought about that all the way home and almost felt as if I had regretted ever meeting him. But I couldn't feel that way.

I opened the door quietly when I arrived home, knowing my mother would probably be sleeping. The house was dark, it was approaching the night, and my parents were early sleepers. Something was different tonight though, my dad was in his office. His little quiet office with a vintage wooden desk and knick-knacks that covered the shelves on the walls. They were dusty, you could tell that he hadn't had the urge to keep up with anything for awhile. He was hunched over, writing or something, I didn't want to bother him. My heart felt a little heavy and I was kind of sad, honestly. I couldn't imagine how my dad was feeling, he was going to be losing his everything.

Well... That's exactly how I felt too.