39 Days

Golden

Everything was black for a long time, but then after what felt like an eternity I saw gold glimmer in the distance until I was encapsulated by a golden world. I sat on a golden sand beach where the water was the purest of gold. The sun was blazing yellow and the sky was vibrant.

I'd never seen anything like it before; touching the mystical sand with my hands wondering how such a place existed. Out in the water the waves moved calmly and in sync with my breathing, the peaks were smooth and glistened from the reflection of the sun. The air felt cool, despite the bright sun. I looked down to observe my appearance and was truly confused by my white, slightly torn linen gown that I was wearing that belonged to my mother.

It was the dress she wore when she died.

My head immediately fell to my hands in sadness and the tears began to fall. My eyes stung from the fresh tears and each time I wiped them there was no escaping the million more that followed right after.

I felt hands beneath my shoulders, and I guess I was wrong in thinking that I was all alone.

My head turned sharply at the touch and I suddenly couldn't breath due to the sight of what was behind me.

My mom was right behind me. She was golden, glowing, and looked better than she ever has before. She looked healthy, happy, peaceful, and wise. It's like she had aged, only backwards, and she was young again. Her eyes were piercing and sparkled under the shining sun.

"Mom?" was the only thing I could manage to say. Her laugh echoed lightly throughout the sea. She nodded, pulling me up to my feet from where I had been sitting before.

"I've seen everything thats happened, I see your beautiful girls, I hoped you would get the sign when you saw me, the fox, playing with Bella in the snow," her smile crept onto her face at the fact, and my mouth dropped in amazement and I felt the tears pooling, "I'm always watching over you and I always want to protect you. I visit your father sometimes and I don't think he's gotten the hint, but I do love to mess with him and move his things around-- especially his produce he gets from the market. However, I hoped you wouldn't end up with Ian. I know he's been selfish lately and I hate to see you upset. I want you to be careful with him, just understand him, and support him. He's a grown man and you are capable of so much more when you're not worrying about him. Take more time for yourself and the girls. Stay happy because you deserve it. Don't let the bad days stop you. Keep the light shining. I love you, my only baby girl."

Now bawling, I hug my mother who feels as light as a feather but I can still feel the frame of her frail body and I feel no other feeling but joy as she hugs me in return.

She's right, I'm too busy worrying about Ian all the time that I'm not doing anything for myself. Even though he's leaving, I still have my girls and they still have me and there's no need to be worked up as long as they're still with me. Things will be okay.

The sun fades, and my mother is now gone. The golden sea drains until I'm left standing on the now pale yellow sand, alone. The sand began to blow away, grain by grain, revealing the darkness I know so well.