Tuloy pa rin ang paguusap namin hanggang sa pareho na naming kelangan ibaba dahil pareho na rin kaming my gagawin.
I thought hanggang phone calls nalang. I never thought that that same day will be one of the most memorable and remarkable day ever! Pagkatapos naming gawin ang mga kelangan naming gawin, magkausap na uli kami sa viber then suddenly Author Y asked me if gusto ko daw magFacetime kami. Of course, I said YES. After few minutes she called me on Facetime. And i was like "OH MY GOODNESS" :)) Overreacting ang naging dating kasi eyebrows and cap lang niya nakikita ko but still, i can feel the butterflies in my tummy <3
Ayoko na matapos ang gabing yun. Ayoko na matapos ang paguusap namin, baka kasi paggising ko wala na naman siya. Love's driving me crazy and praning. This is a first! And i guess will be the last.
Dumaan ang mga araw magkausap pa rin kami ni Author Y. Viber or Facetime. The spark is still there. That sweetest curve in my face is there, those butterflies in my tummy, hearts floating in the air while talking to her. I guess it will never change. I guess my love for her will always be here. It will never fade away.
BUT
There are some instances that we have to let go of the person. Instances that we have to leave them alone, we have to let them heal their wounds first specially if you feel like they don't even want you to help them. Situations that you have to make a very crucial decision.
Bakit ko nga ba nasabi lahat yan? As the days passed by, nahihirapan ako. Alam kong hindi pa ready si Author Y. Alam kong mahal na mahal pa rin niya yung ex niya. Hindi kaila sa akin lahat yun. At the same time nahihirapan ako kasi tuwing susubukan ko na kilalanin si Author Y, lumalayo lang siya, iniiwasan niya. Walang mangyayari kung laging one-sided ang lahat. Oo, kung mahal mo gagawin mo ang lahat. Pero kung siya mismo ang lumalayo sayo, is it really worth it? Is it worth fighting for? You did your best, but the response is always the same. What's wrong? is it me? Or is it the situation? The timing? It seems like everything's wrong. Everything's not right. Everything's not meant to be.
Should I stop loving my littleMISSsunshine? Should I unlove my littleMISSsungit?
Hindi ko alam kung paano nagsimula tong love na nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko rin maintidihan. Biglaan ang lahat. I wanna make her smile, happy- but the question is how? Hindi ko alam paano ko mapapangiti ang isang Author Y. Hindi ko alam. Sa ngayon, sobrang mahal na mahal pa niya si ex. And it's really hard on her part to grasp that suddenly someone out of nowhere loves her this much. Very much. I don't even know if naniniwala siyang mahal ko talaga siya. hay! She turned my world upside down. Para na kong baliw. I exerted all my effort and time thinking about her and hoping, praying that she'll reply to my messages, answer my calls and let me be a part of her. Hindi ko alam ano iniisip niya towards me. Sa maikling panahon na nakilala ko si author Y, i revealed the real ME. Pero siya? Aloof pa rin. But i totally understand na it's still too hard for her to trust someone, someone she never met in person. Mahal ko si author Y. Ilang beses ko na to tinanong sa puso at isip ko- parehong YES ang nakukuha kong sagot. The reason why i love her? Hindi ko alam. Nung naramdaman ko kasi na mahal ko siya parang magic. Walang maibigay na dahilan. All i know is mahal ko siya. She became my refuge, my inspiration, my hope, my strength and my weakness. At masakit na yung taong mahal mo, yung tao na handa mong pagbigyan ng buong puso at pagmamahal mo, ayun andun- nakakapit pa rin sa past. Hindi ko naman siya masisi. Mahirap magmove on. Isa pa, alam kong nabibigla pa din siya- sa akin at sa nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan ang kaya ko. Hindi ko nga alam kung kaya ko pa. Wala akong makitang kakapitan. Wala kong makitang pag-asa. Wala kong makita ni katiting na lubid. Handa akong maghintay kung alam ko na may hihintayin ako. Pero wala eh :( Hanggang dito nalang ata talaga ang lahat. Hanggang dito nalang ang kwento namin. Hanggang dito nalang. Dito na magtatapos ang katanungan na PWDE BANG AKO NALANG?
Author Y, sana mabasa mo 'to. Thank you. Thank you for those late night calls, for riding on my crazy jokes and corny lines. Salamat sa pagpapacensiya sa kakulitan ko. Sa pagbabasa ng lahat ng messages ko, sa sketch, sa pagpapangiti at pagpapakilig sa akin-SALAMAT. As of now hindi cguro pwde na maging together ang YOU and ME. But we can be friends. Or sisters. Handa akong suportahan ka sa lahat ng bagay na makakapagpasaya sayo. I will always be here for you. At pag ready at nakapagmove ka na and nakapagisip isip na- I'll be here. Loving you still and ready to prove to you that forever still exist. That promises are not always meant to be broken. That love is still magical and really sweeter the second time around. I'll be here to let you feel a love. A love that is oh so true. A genuine love that's all for you. A true love indeed. For now or maybe for forever handa akong maging kaibigan mo.
Your personality, your voice and your face is truly lovable. Wala atang hindi mahuhulog sa charm na taglay mo. Mapalalaki, babae, bakla or lesbians will helplessly fall inlove with you. Just like what happened to me- I fell inlove with you Author Y. And i'll always be. I love you. Please keep that in your heart, mind and soul.
i love you my littleMISSsunshine. i love you no matter how sungit you are.
Mahal kita kahit na ilang libong seenzoned ang natanggap ko. Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal kita.
still waiting to be loved by you,
littleMISSbratty :"> :)
