So I was making lunch today and my brother and my dad were talking about what they are doing for their work out. You see my dad and brother are obsessed with the gym they go every weak no matter what! So as I was saying before it got me thinking about, well how do I explain this..... I was thinking about my family, my whole family likes to do things like exercise. My mom and brother like to go backpacking and I hate it. My dad and brother like to go to the gym. they like to be buff and stuff for girls. But here I am just sitting around all day not doing anything,
I would rather stay inside reading and writing than go outside. And when y friends try to get me outside I stay in. I hate gong outside.So of course thinking this I realize how pathetic I really am. I'm not active, I'm probably overweight, I'm the shortest in my family, and I know I shouldn't be complaining about that seeing as I am the youngest, but I hate feeling short or weak, But I am actually really tall but being the shortest in my family every time I look at them I feel hopeless.
I don't know why I feel like this and I hate it. Going back to the topic, I would do fighting 'cause I love a good fight. But I got a concussion when I was younger so my parents won't let me take lessons on fighting so I have to go without it, and I can't even start a fight at school because then my parents will make sure I can't use the phone ever again. Now I know what you're thinking 'oh typical a girl that just wants to go on her phone' But it's not that. It's just that I moved to Germany from Washington-the state- a little bit ago, and the only way to talk to my friends from there is the phone so if I don't have the phone I can't talk to my girlfriend.
ah I got off topic again! The point is I'm the weak one in my family I'm the dumbest, shortest, weakest, and the disappointment. No matter what I do I feel I will get in trouble for everything. I feel like i mess up way to much! I. Hate. Me. I'm ugly, fat.stupid, a bit**,mean, I hate it! I hate how everyone,including myself, calls me a bit** how they call me stupid, mean, horrible. I get it!! I know how stupid I am!! i can't even look at myself in the mirror without thinking of how ugly I am! I can't look at myself without insulting myself!
I hate that I had to make up someone in my head so I wouldn't feel lonely when I'm at home!! I hate how my brother never thinks i'm good enough! How he is always telling me how I messed up!! I hate that my brother and my dad think that I'm a bully!!hahahahahhahahaha! They think I'm the type of person I hate the most!! I hate how they make other people feel weak when they're strong!! I hate that my family think of me like that!! I HATE IT!!
Why can't I be pretty like Gabby? Why can't I be as pretty as my girlfriend who I don't even know if she even loves me like I love her! Why can't I be pretty like all the other people my age!! Why can't I just be happy with who I am!! Why can't I be skinny!
Even through all the suicidal thoughts I'm still here. Sometimes I wonder why. Then I remember everyone on Washington waiting for me to come back. I think about how much it will hurt them. I think about how when I'm 18 I can move into an apartment with Marissa and go to a good collage. I just want to be happy with myself but I can't seem to.... Well that's my rant I guess....
Q:Who do you love? And I don't mean family I mean love as in you want to be with them forever.
my answer: Gabby, I love her with all my heart and all I want to do is make her happy.
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Welcome to my mind
Randomwell the title says it all. This is all about what I think about my rantings. I don't talk to anyone about all my thoughts so this is perfect, I can talk to people-tons of them- about my deepest feelings and I won't have to see them everyday and fee...
