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Worthless

guys sorry I haven't updated. But I guess it's not like anyone actually reads this... This is more like a dairy that i know no one that I  know can get to. Anyway, today I have my friend Kay Kay over.  

So my brother, kay Kay, and I are playing video games like marvel vs capcom or whatever. And don't get me wrong I know I suck at video games but I've played these games with my brother and he beats me every time. 

I know that's not sad the sad part is that Kay Kay her life, and she beat me. It just really bus me out.

My brother is saying it's 'cause she picks better characters and she even Fucking Spams better than me!! Like really how is that fucking possible!! I'm just not good at this stuff. I'm not good at anything.

I used to be the person in my family who would cook. Or I guess Bake. My mom showed me how to because she used to, and I used to gloat about how I can cook better than Nick (my brother) but now, I can't. 

It's like I'm just not bale to be good anymore, I can't do anything right. I also used to goat about how I was smarter and had better grammar than everyone else. But, as always, my family had to take that away from me to. pointing out all my mistakes.

You know I really don't like complaining about my life because I have a perfect life compared to other people. I just want to feel like I can do something at home.  

You want to know something else stupid I used to have? Not getting scared but now even as I write this Kay Kay moved the bed my kicking it while she's playing with my brother and every time she does I flinch.

It's so funny no one really pays attention to me. I mean really, actually pays attention to me. They don't notice when I'm sad, when I just need someone to talk to. Why do think I made this? Because I can't talk to anyone and if I did they wouldn't care.

So Kay Kay just asked something really stupid and my brother answered and they laughed. If I asked that, they would call me stupid. She keeps kicking the bed. I'm practically shaking she's doing it so much.

Nick doesn't pay attention to the fact that I get scared so easily. He doesn't care that I'm so sad on the inside. He doesn't care or even notice that my eyes are watering as they laugh to each other...

I guess no one really does care. My family loves my friends more than me. That's what I like about Washington! I had a friend who would notice these things!! But here even my best best best 'friend' wouldn't notice.

Kay Kay said She's learning, so my brother said ' cause' you bother with practicing' I used to practice all the time with him. Guess I'm not good enough for him, like always. He didn't notice the tear rolling down my cheek or when I wiped it away. 

Is it cause I'm fat? s it because I'm mean? Do you really hate me that much? I'm going to leave my brother's room and go to mine silently. I want to know if they would care. Here I go.

They didn't care... I can't say I didn't expect that. They're already back to laughing.

Guess I should be proud of Kay Kay she did to things I could never do: get along with my brother all the time and win his affection, and win against him.

Good job Kay Kay and Good job Nick, For not caring enough.

You know I would usually end with a cheerful bye and a question that I realize I haven't been doing but it's because you aren't anyone. Let me explain, as I said before no one reads my stuff I realize it takes awhile to get people to read your books but...I'm just not good enough to get views. So bye and I'll see you next time...