{completed}☆I Am Who I Am☆

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star

I ended up walking to Zayn's house, cause it was closer than anything. I walked up his porch steps and knocked on the door. The door opened to a very sleepy Zayn. "Star? Is that you? What are you doing here?" He asked, rubbing his eyes. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but he had on red and black plaid fleece pajama pants. I nodded, "I'm sorry, I know it's late, but I couldn't walk all the way home." I offered a sad smile. He smiled a little and said, "Come on. Take the couch. I'll drive you home tomorrow on my way to school." "Thank you, Zayn. Again, I'm sorry it's so late." I said walking into his house and going towards the living room. "It's fine. I've always told you, whatever you need, when you need it." He smiled handing me a blanket and a pillow and then heading upstairs. I sat on the couch and drifted to sleep.

***

"Thank you for everything, Zayn." I said to him as he stopped in my driveway. "You're welcome, by the way, I like your new style." He smiled. I smiled and said, "Thanks. Could...could you not mention this to Harry? About me being home?" I asked looking at my house. I haven't been home in a week. "Of course. It's going to help him so much." He said, then he drove off, after seeing me go inside. I walked up to my bedroom, ignoring all the broken glass. I opened my door and I found someone in my bed.

kellin

I wiped my tear as I opened my door and I honestly don't know what I expected. A little of me knew that I'd come on to nothing. But the bigger part, it hoped that Star would be still here. It took me a moment to notice it, but I did. She'd cleaned up. She'd threw all the trash away and had swept and mopped. I was so cruel to her, and she goes and cleans my house.

I sighed, stepping out of my shoes. I put them where shoes go, she even put all my shoes with the one that matches it. "Why couldn't you just love me back?" I asked to no one, as no one was here. I sat on my bed, then upon that I heard a noise. Standing up I looked at my bed. There was the key I had made for her and a piece of paper. I picked up the paper. On the front she'd wrote my name in her over exaggerated cursive that I love. Not caring about the key I sat down on my bed, holding the note in my hands. It was probably a letter on how much she hates me, but she isn't a very violent person, so I'll read it, just in case. I opened it, taking a breath I started reading.

Kellin,

For starters, you changed my life. I can't decide if it was for the better or for the worst. But you did somehow make it different.

I know I never opened up to you about anything so I'm going to tell you. Either I need to tell someone who I'll never see again,

or if it's because I trust you with everything in me. Anyways, here it goes. I've been through...hell and back.

When I was younger, my mom passed away. No one would tell me why. I was so angry at her for leaving me alone.

So when it was time for her funeral, I didn't go. So my older brother, Harry, stayed at home with me. To this day I regret not going.

It isn't how you might think though. On their way home, my dad and my older sister, Gemma, were hit by a semi-truck.

Gemma was killed on scene, but my dad wasn't pronounced dead until he was at the hospital. I was numb.

I had lost three family members, in less than a week. My brother became violet, and then became the schools "bad boy" as people call them.

I became the girl whose in the shadows of her older brother. It went on like this, that was until I met him.

Niall James Horan.

He had just moved to the town and had found me walking to school, in the rain. I had been wearing my mothers' anchor ring.

So I got a ride from him, because he'd offered it. Over the next couple days I had kept it a secret. Finally,

I had a chance to throw it in my brothers' face that I was getting a ride from a boy. So I told him. Then he crushed me by telling me that no one liked me enough to do anything for me.

Then I blew up.

Everything anyone said from then on, I didn't care, unless it was him telling me. Then I finally trusted him enough, to tell him about my thoughts.

All those scars you saw and even asked about. I answered with it didn't matter. They did though. All my scars mattered.

I had previously tried to kill myself. And I almost got away with it, almost. All because of him. The next couple of hours,

I guess you could tell what happened, because I was in pain for a while. Anyways, I went to his house later that day.

Only to have him answer the door, with a half naked blonde bimbo. So I ran to my second choice. Louis William Tomlinson.

That was the relationship that lasted only a day and a couple hours. I gave him my second virginity, if that's what it's called.

I really wouldn't know.

That's when I decided I had enough, was when the two had begun to fist fight over me. I ended up breaking my nose cartilage in the process,

because I was hit. I decided to run away. I changed the color of my hair I changed my choice of clothing.

I even was going to change my name, so I could live a new life, not having to hurt people anymore. I almost did it though.

Then low and behold I met you.

I can honestly say I had never seen anyone as beautiful as you are to me. You understood the line to not cross.

You knew what to say to me. You even knew how to make me feel. To say I wish I have never met you, would be a lie,

because if I didn't, then I wouldn't have had the chance to live another life. I would never have understood the reason of life.

You showed me that, it's okay to be broken, crushed, scarred, and hated. You taught me that someone could love me.

Even though I'm broken, scarred, crushed, and mental unstable.

When you told me you loved me, I knew that you actually meant it. I knew because when the other two said it, they said it in one breath.

When I heard it come out of your mouth, I wanted to smile and say that I loved you too. And I do. I love you.

I just need time.

I know you're probably not even reading this, because you're angry at me and probably just threw this in your trash can.

I need time to think things through. I know I'm asking for you to wait for me, and It's pretty selfish of me, but that's just how I am.

I'm selfish, and I've never claimed to be anything but that.

Before you get board of this letter and throw it away, I left my key, because I don't know how long I'll be gone.

Most likely by the time you read this, I'll be far away, maybe even in some other country. So I'll talk to you when I get back.

Even though you thought I didn't, I love you, Kellin.

Star

Setting the note down, not believing what I read. That's when it hit me, she could be gone for years. I grabbed my keys and headed for her home.

hey guys! The chapter after this will be the last chapter of the book, so leave some comments on if I should do a sequel or not! Vote! Comment! Tell your friends!

lots of love

skyelee<3