{completed}☆I Am Who I Am☆

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star

I wasn't sure what all happened after that. One second I was standing in Niall's hospital room, my dad telling me I loved him, and the next I was being let out of the hospital. I wanted to do one thing before I left. "Liam I want to go see him." I said to Liam. He was pushing my wheel chair. Louis wanted to do it but I didn't want him too. "Who?" he asked stopping. I took a deep breath and said, "Niall. He's here, and I want to go see him." Liam hesitated and then said, "Okay. I'll be right back. I'm going to find out what room he's in." I nodded and he pushed me against the wall, so I wouldn't be in anyone's way. I sat there for a minute and then Liam came back. "Star, she said he is in a coma. Meaning he won't talk to you, he might hear you but he won't respond. He's been in here as long as you have. There hasn't been any change. Nothing. I am going to take you. I think it might be good for you to see him. Knowing you were lucky enough. Unlike Niall, who wasn't so lucky. He's different. Especially for you." Liam said taking is to a room. "What do you mean?" I asked him. He looked at me and said, "I think concentrating on Niall is making you forget." He answered. I had no idea what he was talking about. "Forget what?" I asked as he rolled us into an elevator. He smiled sadly at me and said, "Making you forget about Louis." I don't know why but whenever Liam said his name, I didn't feel butterflies in my stomach or smile. It was just a name now. Like I've never heard it before. I smiled back at Liam. For a while we just walked, well Liam pushed me as I rolled, to Niall's room. "Do you want me to push you in there and leave you alone? Or I can stay in there with you?" Liam said as we reached the door. "Could you leave me in there?" I asked looking up at him. He smiled and said, "Sure. Anything for my best friend." He pushed me into the room and then left. I starred at him. His head was in a huge bandage, his arm was in a cast and his leg was broke. He wasn't in the best shape. "Niall. It's me. Star." I said nervously. It's not like he'd respond anyways. "I know I haven't been the best towards you lately. I'm sorry for that. It takes a while for me to catch up to things. It took my almost five months to let in the guys. I used to lock myself in my bedroom. Hoping they'd leave so I could spend time with Harry. Growing up he was my best friend. Now... It's like he's my worst enemy." I don't know why I was telling him this, but it felt good to get it off my chest. Besides he might not even hear me so I am free to tell him everything, and he probably will never know. "Niall... when you asked me about my scars. I lied. I lied because I didn't want you to think differently of me. Nothing has ever really mattered. Not my past. My feelings. My scars. Nothing. Not until you picked me up in the rain that day. I started dressing better, exercising more. Eating less. Purging. I did everything I could think of, to hope you'd see me, and tell yourself, 'Wow. She's beautiful.' I know it sound corny and stupid, but I didn't quit. I kept trying and trying to get your attention. Nothing worked." I said. I took a deep breath and continued. "When you asked about my cuts, I told you I didn't cut anymore and I was taking meds to help me.

I lied.

I still cut. A lot. That's the reason I didn't want you to look at me. That's because the night before I had cut again. I had cut a lot. I didn't stop bleeding, I bled for longer than I normally would. It had made me tired. So I over slept. Hoping I would get my energy back. It didn't. I still felt tired and weak. I didn't even plan on telling anyone about it. Not unless they asked me. I knew no one would, because no one cares. Not even my own brother tells me people like me. Not even to make me feel better about myself. He told me no one liked me. It hurt. A lot more than I'd like to admit. Then you pulled up, in your pretty little black Camaro, I was surprised to see you, I didn't want you to see me cry. I only cry in front of one person. It's only because he understands me. He knows what it's like to love someone, knowing they'll never see you as more than a friend. He knows what its like, being bullied, what it's like to feel like you've been ruined. He told me once, 'Everyone is an angel. But only special angels have these scars.' That's when he showed me his thighs. It was after I had told him about mine. I trust him with everything in me." I said. I was almost in tears. I have never shared this much with anyone. Even a comatose person felt weird. I continued anyways. "Niall I don't know why. Or what. All I know is I feel like I can tell you anything. I feel safe around you. I love the you held me in your arms when we were in the rain. I won't be the girl that follows after you. Or the girl that's totally obsessed with you. Waits for you to be around and then starts talking to you. I'll never speak to you if that's what you want. That's what most people wish I would do. They wish I'd be quiet forever. Maybe someday soon they'll get their wish." I said tears were falling from my eyes as I finished my speech. "I know I just met you, like about a month ago, but Niall... I love you." I said. I wiped my tears and moved my wheelchair towards the door. I knocked on the door. Liam opened it and I rolled out of the room. Leaving everything behind me.

Narrator

As those three words left Star's mouth and she rolled away, feeling the weight of the world was now off her shoulders but the whole galaxy was now on her, something inside Niall turned on. He had heard every single word she said to him. He couldn't move, but he heard. She didn't know it but deep down Niall was fighting to reach the top of the darkness. Niall was inside his body, alive and screaming to get out. He wanted to tell her he was sorry for leaving her in the rain, and that he wanted to make everything better.

He couldn't.

Then as the heart monitor went from several beeps to only a long beep noise the world had shifted. Niall James Horan, at the age of 19 was dead.

I'm just kidding he isn't.

Niall James Horan realized something. He realized he was in love. He was in love with Star Rebecca Styles. The girl with red hair and bright green eyes. The heart monitor was still one noise. Nurses rushed in, trying to revive him. Niall fought, with everything he had in him. He fought to stay alive. He was trying for her.

He was trying to stay alive for the special angel, the girl with scars, the girl who was hurt, his angel, but most importantly he was fighting for the girl,

Who had told him she was going to end all of her pain. He was fighting for the girl he loved.

hey guys. I hope you liked this chapter. Sorry if anything is spelled wrong I'm on my tablet I'll edit later. I cried writing it. As some of you know that if you want to talk or anything just kik me @squidgysquidgy146

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skyelee♥