Chapter 85

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Kerstynn's pov

As soon as I got Brooke's call, I didn't even care that my hair was a mess hidden under my 5SOS beanie from when I was 15 or the fact that I hadn't showered in 1 week. I ran out of my crappy apartment and into my car. I was excited, I finally got to see Luke again and I would finally stop what I was doing again. 

As soon as I parked I ran to the floor Brooke told me he was on and I passed the 1D boys who were yelling about somebody needing rehab or some shit like that. I entered the room and Brooke immediately pulled me out.

"What is it, Brooke? I want to see Luke!" I said trying to go in.

"That's not the problem, Kerstynn. When he woke up he asked if I was Tay and right after I called you he asked if I was talking to Taylor and I told him it was his girlfriend, Kerstynn. He asked who you were because he didn't have a girlfriend because he's married to Tay. He doesn't remember you. He think he got married to Tay. HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THAT TAY KILLED HERSELF AND WHO YOU ARE! AND I MAKES ME UPSET BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO EXPLAIN TO HIM THAT MY BEST FRIEND KILLED HERSELF! SO JUST DON'T GO IN THERE OKAY!" Brooke shouted out me and she was crying. Ashton had showed up because he was holding Brooke to his chest.

"Um...Can you give this to Luke then? I'm going to go then. Is Allie still at your's, Ash?" he nodded and took the CD I had in my hand. "Um I think I'm going to leave L.A. I'll try to stay in contact but I don't promise anything." I said wiping the tear that escaped my eye and turning toward Nicole who was beside me. I hugged her before I heard Calum shouting in Luke's room.

We all looked at each other before running in.

"IF YOU WEREN'T SO GOD DAMN STUPID, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IN HERE AND WE'D ALL BE IN HOME AND HAPPY! KERSTYNN'S LEAVING THE F*CKING CITY NOW BECAUSE YOU CAN'T REMEMBER HER! MICHAEL'S BECOME AN ALCOHOLIC AGAIN AND IS F*CKING A STRIPPER EVERY NIGHT BEHIND NICOLE'S BACK AND DOESN'T REMEMBER WHO ANY OF US ARE! THE WORSE PART IS NOW THE 1D BOYS ARE ARGUEING IF MICHAEL SHOULD GO TO REHAB OR NOT WHEN THEY SHOULD BE EVEN WORRYING ABOUT HIM OVER YOU! YOU LET WHAT ASHTON SAY GET TO YOU BECAUSE SHE REMINDS US ALL OF TAY! DAMMIT LUKE! SHE WOULDN'T HAVE RAN INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET IF YOU WEREN'T SO DAMN STUBBORN AND JUST LET IT GO FOR ONCE!" Calum ended up hitting the wall and Aubry ended up pulling him out of the room. Luke just stared at all of us and looked confuse as to who I was.

I shook my head before heading out of the room and said bye to Cal and Aubrey before leaving the hospital. I couldn't stand the fact, Luke doesn't remember me. And the guilt made me feel that I wanted to crash the car in to a brick wall and hope to die. 

I started crying even more then I was as I got to Brooke and Ashton's house to pick up Allie. Whoever was babysitting the kids was questioning if I was Allie's mother until Allie, herself, and Luke's two girls came out hugging me. "Curtain/Mom you're here!"

"Um...girls I know you want me to stay and all but I'm no longer with your dad. I can't promise I'll ever see you guys again but I'm leaving to another state with Allie."

"NO MOMMY I'M NOT LEAVING AGAIN!" Allie shouted.

"Allie it's for your own good."

"No I'm staying with Nicole!" Allie screamed at me. I was in tears again. Even my own daughter hates me and wants to stay with someone who's not me. I just nodded and left. I got into my cars and without thinking I drove to the beach. The place I always calmed down at. 

I got out of my car and walked toward the shore and layed down the ocean going up to the shorts I had on. I was hoping the waves would become strong enough and I would float away or drown but at the same time I didn't want that to happen. Something in the back of my mind said no you don't and I wish it would go away.

I got up after a while as a storm was coming. Probably wasn't worse than raging storm inside of myself.

"Kerstynn!" I heard someone shout to me.

"Tay?" I asked. Holy shit am I has delusions again? The person looked exactly like Taylor but how she was here when she was dead I had no clue.

"Please don't give up on Luke! He needs you! I know he doesn't remember you and that's my fault. Seeing as Luke was in a coma I was able to tell him it was ok to move on and that the stuff Ashton said about you was wrong! I guess somewhere in there he only saw me and forgot about you!"

"You're the reason he doesn't remember me?!" I shouted forgetting the fact she was all a delusion I was having and the fact she was some sort of apologizing.

"Omfg what are you going to do? Strangle me now? I'm already dead!"

"I'm sorry!" I mumbled and it started to rain and Tay started to fade.

"Look I have to go. Take care of Luke!" As she completely faded I saw Nicole running toward me.

"Kerstynn, are you ok?" Nicole asked.

I rolled my sleeves up. "No and I need to go back to rehab. I'm having my depression symptoms again." I mumbled.

"But Luke's starting to remember you again. He remembers that you're dating but he's forgotten small details, like you're dates and the fact he saved you from being hit by the car b-"

"Nicole! It doesn't change the fact that I'm having my symptoms again! They happened right before I tried to commit suicide the first time and was put in rehab! I need you to take me and while I'm there take care of Allie, okay?"

"Okay." And with that Nicole led me to the car her, Ashton, and a very drunk Michael were in.

"Are we going to the hospital o-" Nicole cut Ashton off. "Rehab. WE'RE TAKING THEM TO REHAB OKAY!" She screamed and lost her temper. Ashton was shocked and so was I. Nicole was a happuy-go-lucky person and never lost her temper.

"Wait why are you going Kerstynn?" Ash asked.

"She's having the symptons she had with her depression last time. She's relapsing like Michael is." Nicole answered and that was the end of all conversations and the ride was a very long boring one.

Four updates in one day! Hope you liked it. Peace*insert peace sign emoji here*skies*insert cloud emoji here* ~ Kerstynn*insert penguin emoji here* ^-^

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