Boys of Apartment 5

Chapter 70

*Beware of sadness to happen*

~~~~ 4 years later ~~~~

I never thought this was what would would happen in my life. I never expected her to leave 3 months before the wedding with the ring and all the stuff I had given her. She left a note on our bed with a stick note on top that said don't go in the basement just call the police.

I had left the girls with Nicole and Michael because it was mine and Tay's 5 year anniversary and I had everything planned out. I had came in the house with her favorite color roses, white. I had callen the police and they came 10 minutes later.

The door to the basement was locked and had to be busted open. When the door was up all I saw was Tay on the ground and I started to cry. She had a bottle of anti-depression pills next to her hand.

She hold told me she was fine and that she was happy. How did I not realise that she was wearing long sleeve shirts. How did I not see the heart shape cuts she made in her veins. How?

They had an ambulance take her to a hospital to see if she would be able to survive. An hour later she was pronounced dead. They told me if I was there 15 minutes sooner she may have been alive. But she's not.

Now I'm standing at her funeral with my two little girls how keep asking where mom is and when I tell them they're beautiful they always say like mom.

I've had to lie to them and say mom's with her parents. When they saw them and asked them where she was. I had to explain to them that their mother died and that she was never coming back. That the reason we were in a grave yard and their was a coffin ready to be put in the hole in the ground next to it because she was in it.

I've never since my two girls cry since they were babies and my heart is breaking. Nicole and Brooke came over to see the girls as I started to cry. I've never been this upset since Taylor almost died the first time. And now they've start to play Taylor's favorite poem, My Darling Sara by Shane Koyczon.

I pulled out the letter she left me,

Dear Luke,

It was never my choice to leave. I never wanted to hurt you, but I had to. I couldn't stay. I couldn't stay, because you would have left. Everyone does. I wanted to believe that you wouldn't but I can't. You still have people who care. People who would die for you. You still have a life. I can't be saved. You saw me. You saw the marks running down my arms. You saw how broken I was, and you can't help this time. I'm ready to go. I'm too tired. I can't keep doing this anymore. I can't keep telling myself I'm okay, because I know that I'm not. I know that I'm going to fall, and it's only a matter of time. I know that I won't be okay. I know that I won't to leave, but you have to understand that I never wanted to hurt you. I knew that if you weren't going to leave I would have to, because I knew I would get to my breaking point. I knew that I would end up leaving. I'm sorry I haven't always kept my promise. I'm sorry that I don't always regret breaking that promise. I'm sorry I tell you I'm fine when I'm not. I'm sorry I didn't promise everything you wanted me to. I'm sorry I'm not exactly what you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I'm not near as strong as you thought I was.

~ Taylor Barakarth 1/24/19

Yep she died a day before our kids birthday. And obviously she was that hurt to do that.

~a week~

I took the girls to an ice cream shop after we watched a movie at Michael's and Nicole's house, where we've been staying because I couldn't walk into the old house without crying, and got changed.

I was on twitter seeing fans tweet me about Taylor and asking why she hadn't been making videos. I felt like it wasn't the right time to tell the fans seeing as I had just told my two daughters.

"Hello walking to Baskin Robin." the girl at the counter said as we entered she was looking at her phone. Probably a slow day.

I took off my sunglasses and got a look at the girl. She was the spliting image of Taylor just Hazel eyes and black hair with blonde bangs that had tips of blue. She finally looked up and then looked at her phone and back up.

"Omi gosh you're Luke finnicking Hemmings," then she noticed my daughters. "and that's Delilah and Lucy. But where's Taylor?" she lookes toward the door waiting for Tay to walk in any moment.

"Ummm... She's not exactly in town or anywhere to be exact." After I said that the girls ordered their ice cream.

"Why? What happened?" The girl asked as she scooped the ice cream Delly and Lucy were going to share.

"She died. But please don't tweet about it to other fans or anything I'm not ready to tell anybody about the whole reason she's dead."

She handed the girls the ice cup and two cones to go with it. I finally saw her name tag, Kerstynn. Interesting spelling for that name.

"Was she the girl in the post that Nicole wrote on tumblr? The whole depression thing?" She asked.

"Well, Kerstynn, if Nicole wrote it then it probably is. Nicole and her were close and she's upset at the moment but she and Michael are helping me take care of Delilah and Lucy." I gave a half smile.

"Oh. So, what kind of ice cream do you want?" She asked holding up an ice cream scooper. I heard the girls whispering behind us. Then Lucy came up behind me and asked, "Is she going to be our new mommy, daddy?"

"Because if she is she's really pretty and I like her." Delly added in.

"As much fun as that sounds girls, I'm not dating you dad even though he's handsome but maybe we can go to the park after the person coming into work next gets here. Is that ok Luke?" She asked as I smiled as the girls grew smiles for the first time since I told them about Tay.

"Please Daddy. Please." They both said.

"Why not." I said as Kerstynn turned to her co-worker that just came in.

"You guys can start walking across the street to the park if you want. I can catch up." she replied as she took of her apron and went to hang it in the back.

"I think we can wait for you." I smirked as Delly came up with napkins for me to help clean them both up with. I started cleaning of her face gently with the napkin then her hands same with Lucy.

"So you guys ready to go to the park?" Kerstynn said after walking out from behind the counter.

Lucy went to her and grabbed her hand.

"Let's go. Let's go."Lucy said pulling Kerstynn. Delilah following them, "Wait!"

I chuckled. Maybe the girls are trying to set me up with someone but if they are they're doing a good job of it.

So Kerstynn here. So sorry if you cried but I wanted to go a different direction with Luke and the kids and that meant no Taylor but I added myself in there. Anyway I highly recommend listening to the poem from Tay's funeral. So may the odds be ever in your favor, peaceskies girlscouts until I update again. (So many puns) ~ Kerstynn (Pronounced Curse-ten for those wondering)