It's Just High School

Chapter 18

Eventually, I had to stop because not only am I almost out of state, but also because my gas tank doesn’t have enough to keep me on the road home. I came to a stop to a mountain side to where there was nothing around for miles, and no one around to keep me out of my own thoughts.

The world is not fair. That was the first thing that came into mind. It was definitely not fair and Sam was a testament to that. It wasn’t enough that she had to grow up with a hard life; she had to lose her parents too. The worst part is she not only had to work for herself, she had to work for herself in a strip club.

Then again, it may not be the worst anymore. The worst part is I had to make her feel she was less of a person than anybody else. That I had to say those words to her without ever hearing her out first. That I did to her what no one else had done to her; disappoint her. That definitely is the worst part of her life.

I screamed in rage out of nobody for being mad at myself. I’m sure it would make anybody think I’m a dangerous lunatic, but I didn’t care. Thankfully the mountain side had a lot space where my scream can dissolve too. I didn’t need to worry that someone would call 911 for a mental patient.

After that last scream, my anger turned to frustration. Frustrated of the world not making things better for her, frustrated at myself for being inconsiderate, frustrated at everybody in school for being assholes who can’t think for one second that the nerd they bully is dealing with their own problems and frustrated that I couldn’t do anything that can help out the world. I just had to be stuck in high school full of shallow and insensitive people who spend more time wallowing over their petty issues when I realized this now, and I have to live with it for the next couple of months to actually be able to make a change.

I never knew that I had to face this issue so early. A few months ago, I was struggling to pass up for a university who would accept me and go up for my major. I only thought about ‘how will I balance football and my academics’, and other stuff that centered on my college life. I didn’t give a damn on some world issue and had put them out of my life for a certain time to deal with. I thought that I would have to worry about these things after I graduate.

But Sam thought differently. She didn’t think about these things because she had too much to worry about. She had to worry about school, she had worry about bullies, she had to worry about where she would get the money for her next meal, and she had to worry about protecting herself from people in the strip club. And even if she shared to me her life, I couldn’t do anything to make it easier for her.

I just had to be the guy who assumed too much and made little effort to control his anger long enough to assure that I was right. I just had to let myself loose without thinking. That didn’t do her any good, and what little dignity she held on was crushed by that one insensitive comment I just had to say.

I was still in the middle of insulting myself on how stupid I was this night when I heard my phone rang. I already knew who would be calling, but I just had to check the caller ID to make sure it was mom.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Are you coming home tonight?” She asked monotonously.

“I’ll be there in half an hour.” I answered with the same tone.

“Your father wants to talk to you.” She said almost in a commanding way and she didn’t say anything after that because she cut the line immediately.

Dad is seriously ill tempered right now, I could tell. Mom doesn’t refer to him as ‘father’ when just wants small talk. The way she closed the call also meant that she didn’t want me to know what it was for. It meant they want straight answers from me.