It's Just High School

Chapter 20

Skipping classes wasn’t on my mind today, but as the occasion calls for it, we did. The idea took a long time to simmer in my mind and we I came up to the conclusion that we needed to do so, I fished out my keys and grabbed hold of her. By a long time meaning just five minutes after she stopped crying is what I meant. We needed time to talk, and lunch break wouldn’t be enough for that. Acting fast would give her less time to refuse me and more time to spend talking to me.

I immediately packed her things and though she only stood still, when I pulled her, she didn’t as much budged. Sam only went with me without question. I opened her door for her and she stepped in silently. She wasn’t making any move at all, not even fastening her safety belt so I did it for her. I took her ragdoll like behavior as compliance, and while she was still like this, it was better to put some distance between us and the school before she protests.

 She didn’t retort me all throughout the drive too and that sort of brought some relief in me. I still couldn’t bring any words out of my mouth, even if I wanted to apologize a million times to her but for once my lack of a vocabulary didn’t bother me at all. Opening my mouth may actually put me in the middle of the storm again and before I get the chance to apologize to her, she might shut herself in again. Instead of trying to think about what to say, I brought my focus more on driving.

I stole a few glances to her direction, and she was still looking out. She didn’t make any noise and made few little movements. She was like a corpse without any life. Those last words that she uttered must have drained her. And the more I stare at her, the more she looked tired and surrendered.

I feel sorrier for myself for knowing more how I made her feel. She was the one hurt in all of these, but I can’t help but feel that I shared that. What I did last night was double edged. My actions severed her from me, and we’re both wounded in the process.

When I put the parking brakes on, the feeling that the entire car was stuffy took over me and I made my way out of the car. I took a deep breath and stretched a little to loosen my nerves. When I shook the guilt pressure out of me, I sat on the hood and looked over the city. I was just here last night thinking of what to say to her. Now that she’s with me, nothing still came into mind.

I’m not expecting her not to warm up on me quickly, but the thud of the door behind me made me look around. Her walking in my direction surprised me. When she tried to make it up the hood it gave me some comfort. I assisted her to get up and when she got settled in on the hood, I eyed her to read her. It only came to me that she was not wearing her glasses which made me think why. I wanted to hug her again, more tightly this time. But I wouldn’t. It might just make it more painful to her.

I slid in further into the hood, my back settled on the windshield, one knee tucked and stared at the city blankly. Nothing comes into mind on what to say to her to make all what happened yesterday go away. Words were never easy to come when I try to put one easily, especially if you want to glue a relationship back, but even if I am sincere to make this all work out, there is an absolute lack of wit in me right now. Obviously, there is no going around this. I made my way down the hood through the side and with a lot of resolve pumping in my veins, I talked to her.

I put my index finger under her chin and started “nothing I ever say could make what I did justifiable.”

“You think?” she replied, batting her face side wards, taking her chin off my finger.

“Are you still angry?” I asked her, while putting my finger under her chin again, turning her face slowly back at my gaze.

Sensing that I wouldn’t really get an answer from her, I moved my hands towards her cheeks and caressed it, slowly making my way to the back of her head, making small circles and slowly massaging her. I can feel her muscles tense a bit then relax. “You have the right to be.” I said to her after a while.